Condolences and Reflections...

I'm sure that like me you've been watching and listening in horror as developments have unfolded concerning Jennifer Hudson's family. Its so interesting how in the African American community we tend to feel personally hurt and impacted when a tragedy such as this touches any one of us, famous or not. When I heard of the deaths of her mother and brother, all I could think was , "My God....this is awful" I could barely find the words when I heard about her nephew's body being found as well. I cannot even fathom what it must be like for her to wake up everyday with a burden of grief this heavy on her heart. Here this woman is blessed with a beautiful gift and the opportunity of a lifetime to share it with the world and this lunatic comes along and takes three of the most precious people in her life away from her in an instant.

For me this is more than just a sad reminder of the frailty and fleeting nature of life. Its a lesson in choices and how they can impact us as well as others. I suspect that when Jennifer's sister Julia chose this man to love and accept into her heart and life that she never imagined he could do something so heinous and violent. Apparently she loved him despite his past trangressions and chose to accept him nonetheless. Now, I am in NO WAY blaming her for what has happened in her family. It is an unspeakable tragedy and only that man can be held responsible for his actions. I just wonder had she never met him.....never loved him...or never let him into her life if things would have gone differently for all parties concerned. If she had fallen in love with a decent man, with a good heart, and not this monster, would we still be bombarded with headlines like, "Chicago Mourns Over Hudson Tragedy"? Moreover I think about what must be going through Julia's mind these days. We can only hope that she doesnt blame herself for all thats happened and either never recover from the grief or try to harm herself because of it. I dont think that family could withstand another loss.

Everyday we make choices. Some are seemingly insignificant at the time; like where to go for dinner. Other choices are ultimately life altering decisions that determine the courses of our lives. Sometimes who we choose to love can be just such a decision. I pray that situations like this cause us to take a moment to ponder that.

Here's to choosing wisely....

Skinhead Murder Plot Foiled By FBI Agents

On a more disturbing and less fabulous note....FBI and ATF agents jailed two idiot skinheads today and through their investigation uncovered a racist murder plot said to culminate to the murder of Presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Apparently the two were first plotting to randomly murder (by beheading) several African American students at a TN high school..and later set out on a mission to kill Obama drive-by style while wearing white tuxedos and matching top hats *blank stare* Agents are doubtful that the plan would have come to fruition as no information on Obama's whereabouts or scheduled appearances were to be found. This raises two very pressing concerns for me: One, I question the level of intelligence and sanity of anyone who has convinced himself that he can murder a Presidential candidate amidst a crowd of thousands AND get away scott free while wearing a conspicuous white tuxedo and top hat...And secondly, Im now wondering whether America is truly ready to have a black man as President. As much as it pains me to say it....I just dont know people...*fingers crossed*

"You Can't Handle The Truth" (...Or Can You??)

Well in another interesting development..my blog has in fact sparked an entirely new blog. Some of you may remember the list that sparked my most recent post "25 Things Ill need to know...." (if not read the original list here http://divaroyale.blogspot.com/2008/10/20-things-my-husband-will-know.html Well on this list one of the things my husband needed to know was that it was NEVER ok to lie to me...EVER.

That in and of itself was the topic of another conversation with Mr. X where he referenced a conversation from the movie Baby Boy where Jody comments: "...I lie to you because I care about your feelings"

Now I can just about guess what most sistahs said to themselves after hearing that one...Im sure it was something along the lines of a high pitched "negro PUH-leese!" While on the other hand Im sure most brothers responded with a resounding, "EXACTLY!". But ladies, before you start rolling your necks and you brothers start dapping eachother up. ..First, consider something that I had to ponder last night: Sometimes the truth hurts and we're really not ready to hear it.

Now Im not saying that Im taking back what I said about lying...I still think its wrong. However Im also the kind of woman who doesnt ask questions I dont want to know the answers to. I'm not gonna start interrogating you about what the sex with your ex was like, whether I do in fact look fat in these, or what I do that annoys you..unless Im prepared to hear the truth...even if its ugly..

But the real question is: what does 'knowing the truth' really afford us in any given situation? Will you really gain anything other than misery and/or anger, or will the truth give you the basis you need to make a better decision now that you have all of the information?

For example ladies, would you really want to know if your man cheated on you before you were married, just once, if he never saw the woman again? Or brothers, can your ego really handle knowing that your woman's ex used to put it DOWN in the bedroom and you dont even compare to him..even though she's now your wife??

I think that Jody should have subscribed to the Pietro Aretino (15th Cent. Italian author) way of thinking when it comes to this subject, which simply says:

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

Maybe theres something to this whole truth and feelings thing...But perhaps its more so about not divulging hurtful information ie: an omission vs telling a lie. If those are my choices...I think Ill stick with not knowing in some instances. Its just...less complicated I think.

~Diva

25 Things (Yes 25) That I'll need to know as a future wife...

Ok ....so I was having a conversation w/ "Mr. X" last night...who is actually a friend of mine and we were discussing my blog concerning the 20 things I wanted my future husband to know. After reading my list and posting a comment his response to me was a challenge to think of even 10 things I thought I needed to know/work on etc. He said he was only expecting ten because in his words, he "knew I couldnt come up with 20"...I guess his assumption is that Im too arrogant to think there could possibly be more than 10 things I still actually need to master and or understand fully before becoming someone's wife :o) Well Mr. X....I accept your challenge and I will have you know that I was very thoughtful in compiling the list below and while I do admit Im a work in progress regarding some...Im pretty sure Ive gotten a few under my belt already..I hope he and other brothers who might read this will agree that its a pretty good list nonetheless.

25 Things That I'll Need to Know as a Future Wife:

1. That Monday Night Football and or the NBA Finals are NOT appropriate times to discuss our relationship...

2. That time with his friends is essential to his sanity...

3. That I shouldnt hold him accountable for mistakes made by my last man...

4. How to pick my battles and not make an issue out of everything...

5. How to love his child(ren) as if they are my own...(if applicable)...

6. How to prepare his favorite meals...

7. How to play my part in a way that makes it easy for him to play his...

8. How to prepare his favorite cocktail...

9. That acting 'catty' in the presence of his ex is NOT attractive...

10. That sometimes we're going to have to agree to disagree...

11. How to party with him and enjoy his company like we're best friends...

12. That catering to his needs (ie: bringing him a beer, or his plate @ dinner time) does not compromise me as a woman...

13. That whole "lady in the street but a........" thing...you know the phrase...

14. Moreover, how to stimulate him MENTALLY....

15. That Playstation/Xbox for some men are legitimate hobbies...

16. That its ok to celebrate HIM and pick up the check sometimes...

17. How to tell him the truth in love, even when he doesnt want to hear it...

18. That every man is not cut out to be a "Brooks Brothers" type...

19. How to make his mother adore me...

20. To take an interest in his interests...

21. Thats "keeping up w/ the Jones'" should not be top priority...

22. That a man's wealth and worth are not synonymous terms...

23. What his buttons are, and how not to push them...

24. That a man's ego is fragile, and should be handled with care...

25. There is such a thing as comfortable silence...

There...mission accomplished...

Thanks for reading and please offer comments and additions if I missed any :o)

~DIVA

These chicks are on my "List"

Ok so...Ive talked w/ a few of my homegirls about this..and i figured its about time I blogged about it. I have this list...more an unofficial black list actually of chicks (mostly sistahs) in the industry who I really wish would go somewhere and just sit down or fall off into obscurity so that I dont have to deal with their nonsense anymore. Who are these lucky ladies you ask?? here goes...my official "Diva's Random Listing of Intolerable Broads" complete with a rationale for each chick:

1. Golden Brooks- I cant stand this one because...well for one her hair is almost

ALWAYS a traveshamockery of a mess...she always has this hoochie-esque quality to her that annoys the ish outta me and...I always hated her character on 'Girlfriends'. Toni was right... she WAS ghetto..

2. Gabriell Union- Now Gabrielle is different....I dont dislike because I find her to

be devoid of talent..and I actually do think she's pretty fabulous....but I find her to

have this plastic facade of a personality that seems way too forced and artificial...

Pretty fugaze if you ask me...Im not feeling it...

3. Megan Goode- Now I KNOW Im not alone on this one...This chick annoys me for

enough reasons to dedicate an entirely separate blog to...In short she doesnt have any talent..and she pretty much always looks like either a hooker in training, a little girl playing dress up in her mom's clothes...or an extra in a Luke video...In either case her contrived sexy vixen persona is wack...and unoriginal...next...

4. "Pepa" - Now dont get me wrong...I used to get my groove on to "Push It" with

the best of em..but I cant STAND Pepa...No matter what the event, the attire, etc...

this broad just never looks refined..or classy. Ive seen her out in some pretty

serious gowns and she still looked like one of those ghetto prom chicks whose photos get circulated all over the internet every year for looking like a damn fool...you know the ones...

5. Vivica Fox- On top of the fact that she PLAYED herself over 50 of all cats

(how could we forget that debacle)...she just has that girl from the hood demeanor a little too much for my liking. Again, she's another one who is always trying to pull off this air of sophistication...unsuccessfully...seems like the type of chick who would break of a beer bottle and come at you in a club fight....definitely rough around the edges despite the money and fame...

6. New York- Three reasons (b/c I had to narrow it down) why this chick definitely

needs to be on the list: 1. she looks like a damn muppet every time I see her...2.

she apparently doesnt have ANY clothes in her size 3. she's a loud, obnoxious moron who wouldnt know class if it hit her in the face...which after looking @ this picture I actually wouldnt mind doing right now....Maybe its the teal blue eyeshadow we've all come to know and hate, or perhaps her chain smoking of Newport cigarettes...whatever it is, this broad makes me itch just looking @ her...and dont even get me started on those over-stuffed monstrosities she calls breasts..uhh..i cant take any more...

These are the only ones I have to add to the RLIB @ the moment...but Ill probably be making additions in the near future stay tuned...

~DIVA

Pics From Spirit of Life Event....

Tons of celebs hit the Spirit of Life Event, honoring Universal CEO Doug Morris that took place on Wednesday.

Including Will I Am's wack a**..( i cant stand him and his pseudo-intellectual, "musical genius" facade.....)moving on...and of course the blackest brother left on the planet...Akon...Hey, dont get me wrong I LOVE.. LOVE an uber-black man.....DARKNESS!!<

Erykah Badu performed...wearing a getup that I can only describe as hobo-chic?? I love her but...Im still not sure if Erykah is even legally sane or not..I got some people on that though...

and of course Keyshia was there too....not to be outdone by Erykah's antics...this heffa showed up wearing this trave-sham-ockery of a dress...Looks like the seamstress was half done w/ it and just threw her hands up like, "fu*k it...its not like Oprah is gonna be wearing this ish..." Either that or there was a sale @ Sears....

and speaking of a trave-sham-ockery .....*rubbing my temples in frustration* ...next

And what random celebrity event would be complete w/o an appearance by everybody's favorite hip-pop star...Rhianna...Still dont know how I feel about that hair cut, but the dress suits her..I was kinda giving her side eyes for the snakeskin bag and leopard belt...but whatever

President Carter made an appearance as well...Looking dapper in his tux..but also looking like some 'Olay Regenerist' might be in order. Hov is starting to look a little long in the tooth :o\

And last but certainly not least Robin Thicke performed as well....This cat has got me seriously considering dating a white guy...I finally broke down and bought his CD yesterday....and like some Mickie D's...Im Lovin It! Yall need to check it out as well....

To Swag or Not to Swag.....

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o)

I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their A game swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

OPI Unveils "La Collection"

OPI...One of my FAVORITE nail color brands presents its line of fashion forward fall colors that are sure to make any haute girl take notice. With names like, "YOU DON'T KNOW JACQUES!" and "TICKLE MY FRANCE-Y" and hues spanning from the deepest plums to the faintest of lilacs...there's no way you won't find a color you adore in this line. I love wearing those deep vampy shades on my toes this time of year. Pair that look with a pair of hot peep toe pumps and you've got a look that'll make the guys say, "Oui Oui!"

And the "Queen Hater" Award Goes To...

So looks like in addition to being comepletely talentless and just about the tackiest woman to hit the small screen this Millenium, Miss "New York" AKA Tiffany Pollard can now be crowned the Queen Hater. Apparently since Punk from "I Love New York" decided to upgrade from trashy to classy by proposing to Jennifer Hudson, she's had this to say: "Its a mixed match...it won't work". ??? Riiiiiight..Kinda like the match between a classless, obnoxious chicken head in bad makeup and worse clothes and an attractive Harvard grad? *side eyes* Im sure that the fact that New York has issues with the engagement has nothing to do with the fact that "Punk" has moved on to be with one of the most gifted and respected women in her field and that she's stuck doing go sees at bootleg casting companies for less than fabulous roles in bogus low budget films...Maybe if she took off some of that horrific eye makeup and found her way to a charm school she'd be able to get a decent man and a perhaps legitmate career; Thereby not allowing so much spare time to spend sitting around stewing over someone who is CLEARLY not thinking about her...

Now Im not saying that the engagement is totally legit...cuz Lord knows I was like WTF?? when it first hit the headlines...but thats no excuse for this broad to go around giving her unsolicited (hateful) two cents. Especially after having been jilted by Flava Flav?? She is clearly not an authority on the subject of long lasting relationships or well-matched couples.

PS...Im still waiting on the show "I Hate New York" When they do the casting for that one..Im there..

Here's to putting chicks in their place..

-Diva

Men Tell It Like It Is (Or Isnt) In the Latest Issue of ESSENCE...

So If youre looking to get inside the mind of your man the ESSENCE article, "What Black Men Wish Black Women Knew (But Don't Tell Them)" might just fit the bill. In it brothers are dishing on everything from sex to their finances. Apprently we all need to be perking up our ears for this one. For instance in response to the all too common, "Why wont you talk to me??", one brother offers this gem of wisdom:


"Silence doesn't mean that I'm bored with you."
This is for the woman who thinks her man's quiet nature is a sign the relationship is in trouble. Silence to a Black man does not mean we have run out of things to talk about or we're unhappy with you. It actually means we're so comfortable around you that we don't feel the need to say anything at all.
On quiet Sunday afternoons, some men don't like to interact with anyone outside of their home, and they don't want to be in work mode. Some guys cut their cell phone off to avoid talking to family and friends about anything. There are those times when we just want to do nothing and say nothing. (And yes, playing Madden NFL on our Xbox counts.) I love when I am in my woman's company relaxing and not feeling the need to show her "attention." I'm on the couch watching a movie and she's at the other end reading a book. On our chill days, the silence is usually broken with one of us saying, "I'm hungry." Then we just stare at each other because we're both too lazy to move.

Yeah....Im thinking of heading the Walgreens to pick up a copy asap

Here's to getting the inside scoop..

Layla's new little bundle

Presenting Layla Ali's new little munchkin..This could quite possibly be the most precious thing Ive seen..ever..And how bad am I hating on her for having a beautiful baby AND her body back like 8 days later?? Say it with me now, "awwwwww" Aint love grand??? :o)

The Secret Life of Bees..Definite Must See

I went to a sneak preview of this film with one of my girls last week and I must say it is one of the best films I've seen in a long time. This movie more than deserves all the Oscar buzz its been getting. The characters in the movie all display a sense of warmth dignity and resilience we can all aspire to have as we move through this life. You'd be crazy not to rally all the divas in your circle and hot foot it to the nearest theater this weekend. Whether youre black white latina...whatever..this is a film that will touch you and uplift you in a way few films do these days. You'll love it...take the Diva's word for it...and some Kleenex. Youre gonna need them :o)





The Diva

New Beyonce....too cute!!

If you havent checked out the new Beyonce cut...you definitely need to. "Put a Ring On It" is my new theme song as it sums up the four words I need to be screaming from every rooftop these days...I've been combing exes outta my hair the last few days and this song couldnt be any more appropriate. The video is simple and very chic...sort of a mix of Bob Fosse meets caberet ...and those eight counts are vicious honey!!

Have a seat @ the video bar and check it out...Its the top pick for this week...

Here's to getting some bling...and a commitment to boot :o)

The Diva

Thoughts on Love......

Ok so Im sitting here listening to Dwele and realizing that its been awhile since the last time I was in love...Come to think of it, the last time I thought I was, I was a completely different woman from the one I am today. I was younger...more naive...more forgiving...But in time I found that age, wisdom and forgiveness are all a part of falling in and out of love. Sometimes theyre the difference between wedded bliss and being unhappily ever after...or the thin line that lies between playing your part and playing the fool. I have had both good and bad loves in my life. From all of them I learned a little more about who I am and what I want and need from a man.

I learned that I dont have to settle...that sex and love dont always go hand in hand..that skeletons dont always remain in closet...that everyone has 'issues' no matter how well-camouflaged they are....

But most importantly I've learned that love, while elusive..is a beautiful thing if youre fortunate to have it...I watched a movie once and one of the actors summed it all up with the following quote from La Rochefaucold: "True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does."


Heres to finding unhidden love....

~The Diva

Another one bites the dust...

OK....so is Raegan Gomez really old enough to be posted up boy-short clad on the cover of KING magazine?? If so, Im both disappointed AND old....I can remember not that long ago (or so it would seem) that cute little kid running around the set of the The Parent'hood...And ps, Im sure Robert Townsend is somewhere shaking his head..Suddenly Im browsing the web looking for something to rant about for a new post and I see her front and center on the cover in an almost chi-chi bearing men's dress shirt and some damn panties?? Really?? Ok call me an old head but seriously...whats w/ these random former child tv stars turned video chick/sex kitten?? Im so confused. I mean first Rudy Huxtable and now this?? I remember I almost passed out seeing her in a damn La Perla lingerie set back when she was in Chingy's video...There must be a conspiracy...Whats the deal, are there just no roles for talented YOUNG sistahs anymore or something? Apparently theyre being told, " Girl you need to be in this new T.I. video...its about to blow up..and it'll do WONDERS for your career..But first here...put on this hoochie get-up..because we wouldnt want anyone to get distracted by your talent while trying to get a gander at that booty" wtf......ok maybe im just sleepy and a little wound up but something just seems wrong with that whole situation...

I dont know if some sort of sistah coalition needs to be called to diminish this ever growing population of young divas turned hooch or what..but someone needs to do something. Get Spike and John Singleton on this...Call Oprah..cause Lord knows if anyone can make something happen she can. I mean I understand that sex sells...and that there wouldnt be a market for magazines like KING unless people wanted to buy it, but theres something to be said for women who are making a decision to post up half nude because they want to..and those who do it because they dont feel they have much choice. A woman's beauty shouldnt have to be put on display in a way that competely obscures who she is...turning her into nothing more than a Fembot-like creature with too much makeup and too little clothes....Im sure women like Raegen will swear they did it 'for themselves' but in about 20 yrs Im sure they'll feel the same as Vanessa Williams did about those 'questionable' pics she took when she was young and misguided...Sometimes the past doesnt always remain in the past...Perhaps thats something these young women should consider while they are taking it all off in the name of fame...Thats my 4 cents....Im going to bed...

Here's to not doing the most for once..

The Diva

What is REALLY going on??

I went out a few times over the weekend which for me has been a little uncommon lately. It seems when I go out I always find that Im disappointed for one reason or another. This weekend however it was hard for me not to notice the way men tend to gravitate toward women who have little to offer them but the obvious. I've been to a few places recently and it appeared as though the women w/ the worst weaves, shortest skirts, loudest mouths, etc. got the bulk of attention. Now this isnt THAT surprising since you would expect a nearly naked female drunk and loud in the middle of the dance floor to get alot of attention, but when I looked more closely they seemed to be the ONLY women getting any attention. Glancing around the room you could spot maybe 20 women all stylishly (yet completely) dressed, smiling and talking to one another w/o a brother in sight. I wondered to myself, "What kind of woman do you men really want?" I hear men complain about how these women out here arent about anything and how they cant find a good one yet i often find myself surrounded by attractive intelligent women who are single. I can already hear some of the brothas saying "hey, maybe its you!" but seriously, that cant always be the case, can it? I went to Mandarin on Saturday for the 1st time and I was really impressed with the whole scene. That is until i was hit with a barage of black men walking past whole groups of sisters, to get closer to our more drunk less attractive counterparts. I had black guys even avoid eye contact w/ me rather than simply say hello, but yet damn near knock a few people over to get a shot @ one of the many many many white women who were there (later i saw one of them taking his new lady home w/ him). But race isnt even the issue here. Its the fact that I know there ARE available quality black men out here...and there are obviously available quality black women as well, so I have to ask "why arent we getting together?" Have we gotten to the point where brothers are making efforts not to date black women? Are sisters buying into the whole 'no good black men' philosophy we hear about so much? I dont know the answer, but maybe you do....Send me a message/comment with your thoughts. Im interested in knowing what all of you think...

Wondering whats really going on...and hoping someone can tell me...
~The Diva

Are you with the WRONG somebody??

Are You With The Wrong Somebody?
Recently, Ive been getting bombarded with news and headlines about this story so much so that I decided to address it in my blog. For those of you who were unaware of this story it broke a few days ago and the details are pretty horrific. The accused was recently charged with the murder of Ms. Steward following an investigation of calls from neighbors who complained of a burning stench coming from his patio grill. Apparently Shepherd was unable to handle the news that Tynesha who recently ended their relationship, had moved on and was seeing someone else. Instead of handling this like a man, he took the most heinous and cowardly route imaginable. He murdered her (dismembered her body that is) and burned the remains using an outdoor grill. The complaints went on for two days until finally the police decided to pay Sheperd a visit. Initially Shepherd lied and apologized for the disruption, but later admitted to strangling Steward and dumping her body in a nearby landfill. Days later he confessed to the truth of the deed but by that time there was nothing left of Steward's body.
One neighbor recalled how Shepard would often invite people over for cook-outs using that same grill, and was appalled and disturbed by the news saying, "I thought he was a nice normal person. I guess you never know what your neighbors are doing." I talked with and older gentleman who is a sort of mentor to me about this situation and he imparted to me some very simple but very profound words: "Sometimes its better to have nobody than the wrong somebody". Those few words said so much.
As women we often get so caught up in the idea of being in a relationship and having someone that we lower our standards and choose out of desperation rather than out of what we want or deserve to have. Fortunate for most of us we don't meet with the same demise. This story is a glaring example of how choosing the wrong man can not only be damaging to the spirit but as in this case a fatal mistake. We have to be SO careful who we decide share our lives, bodies and hearts with ladies. You never quite know what people are capable of sometimes until its too late. It saddens me to think of how this young woman's life could have been had she not chosen this man. She may have seen something in his character early on and been dismissive thinking it was an isolated incident instead of a bright red "something is wrong here" flag. Or like many of us she could have been completely blind-sided. In either case it's a shame that it cost her young life. We have to start thinking with our minds instead of our emotions and make choices for our lives and not just for the moment. Even with careful consideration we can never predict what someone will or wont do, but inmost cases you can rely on your instincts. If your gut is telling you he is not "the one" then he probably isn't. If you're reading and you find yourself lingering on that thought for more than a few seconds, perhaps you need to ask yourself, are YOU with the wrong somebody?

here's to making hard but necessary choices......
~Diva

Sistah on Standby....

Im a Sistah on Stand-By
I was talking with one of my sorors recently who seems to think I have just totally given up on the brothas. I've even jokingly proclaimed myself the Supreme BBW (bitter black woman) which I think is hilarious, because its really not the case :o) To be clear I actually haven't given up the brothas. I've simply changed my views on dating and seeking the right person. I have like many of you reading this blog been hurt, betrayed or otherwise disappointed by someone who appeared to be one way and then actually revealed his/herself to be someone different all together. Instead of following my first mind and completely shutting down, I've opted instead to place myself on what I call my "stand-by" mode. Consider a PC that's been shut down. At first glance its difficult to determine whether its on or off, what programs are available, etc. If you were to walk into a computer lab and see one PC with its screen up and fully functional right beside one whose isn't, most people would view the blank screen as a sign of extended inactivity, and not even bother to deal with it, preferring to forego the tedious task of rebooting. On the flip side there's the PC on stand-by which appears to be shut down as well, but if you're patient enough to do so, all it takes is a jiggle of the mouse or a quick tap on the keyboard and voila! The PC you thought would be a chore to reboot functions with ease after all. It simply took for you take that extra step to go beyond your first assumption to realize what you were truly dealing with. I feel confident in saying this is the way a lot of brothers feel when they enter a room full of single sisters. Some appear to be 'shut down', pissed off or totally uninterested in what they have to say or offer before they even make a move. Their very demeanor says "Negro, don't even bother", so in most cases you don't. Men anticipate stress and unnecessary drama when they encounter a woman of this nature, and don't feel like troubleshooting the damage that may have been caused by the previous user, so needless to say they avoid them at all cost. On the other hand you have the "stand-by" sisters: they may appear to be shut down minus the surly presence of the aforementioned, but they're open to the few brothers with the confidence to stop and take a closer look. After all things aren't always what they seem. Now I admit I used to be Queen Sister Shut-Down (and still am depending on the day, but Im working really hard to be oteriwise). But I've discovered two very important lessons in recent months: 1. Life is too short to hold onto the past, 2. Some things (relationships included) just aren't meant to be. That being said, I'm open to love just not to nonsense, and am now better able to make the distinction between someone destined to be a great love, a great friend…and someone to simply chalk up to life experience. So for the record I haven't shut down…not even close. I'm just making myself available for the RIGHT brother to stop and tap on the keys. And hey if things don't turn out quite the way I liked, I can always CTRL+ALT+DELETE and start over fresh!

Here's to loving/living in standby people!

The Art of Conversation....

I was watching a movie recently and there was a scene where this couple in an effort to get to know one aonther better, decided to go to a nearby bistro for dinner. This was nothing out of the ordinary until the two of them began engaing in probably one of the best damn 'first date' conversations Ive ever heard. I mean I literally had to pause the film and write this blog right then and there...Now I know some of you are still wondering where Im going with this, so in short....what occurred to me was that I couldnt even remember the last time I had a truly, interesting or in depth conversation with a man. Now Im not speaking of the typical 'tell me about yourself' conversations we all have when first meeting one another, but real conversation: religious views, the kind of wife you want one day, your fears, how you view your life right now. The realization of this was so profound I found myself feeling a little slighted. I mean I have great conversations with girlfriends, aunts, my mom, my assistant at work..all females of coure, but its a rare occurrence when it comes to the men in my life.Now thats not a negative commentary on the men, or a blow against their intelligence, or ability to carry on this type of engaging, truly fullfilling style of communication....Its quite the opposite in most cases. I find that most of my male friends, ex's etc. are all very intelligent and witty as well, but just arent really into the 'deep conversation' thing...Perhaps this is just another case of Men being from Mars and Women from Venus, but I dont think so. Thats cant be true in all cases. Then on the other hand I think much of it has to do with the fast paced, text messaging, emailing, 'leave me a voicemail' world that we've come to reside in. Technology has nearly eliminated the need for any verbal communication at all, thus most people lack the desire for it or I guess in some cases, the skill to use it effectively. I read once that you should marry someone who you can have great talks with because thats one trait that will last well beyond the good looks, and all the materials things. Show me two lovers over the age of 70 who can still smile and laugh together, and Ill show you two people who have all the happiness they need between them. All this to say the art of conversation is a beautiful thing. If youre good at it you can make big money, or make a great point; talk yourself out of a jam or into one; you can profess your love and even your hate, or just be damn good at keeping a woman like me interested for the long haul. Im still looking forward to some good conversation...

Here's to talking the talk......

General thoughts on life...

Life...in General
Ok yall....I just watched "Sicko" the latest Michael Moore documentary on America's health care issues. All I can say is <> I stumbled upon it on the hum-bug while looking for something else on the new tv link website (if you dont know about it, hit me up and Ill explain later :o). I applaud him for his efforts to expose the harsh and shameful truths about our far from perfect America. I dont want to spoil it for those of you intrigued enough to check it out on your own but it really got me thinking about life in general and how we value it at times (in the literal and figurative sense). People take the frailty of life for granted. We get bogged down in the daily stress of trying to maintain so much so we forget to acknowledge what we DO have while constantly adding to the list of things we dont. But trust me, no matter what youre going through in your life right now however bleek it may seem, theres someone out there, perhaps even closer than you think who is catching hell twice as bad. Someone you may or may not know is wondering how theyre going to keep the bank from taking their house this month, didnt have a father to talk to this past father's day, is suffering through a terminal illness and has no idea how the hospital bills are going to get paid...You name it and I bet someone you or I know is going through it. You never know the kind of misery other people are in when youre only focused on what you consider to be your own. I remember months ago I was driving home late at night after going out with some friends when I spotted a young woman about my age standing on the stoop of an abandoned building. Now it had to be about 2:30 am so I figured she was probably an addict out late looking for some drugs...or something else if you know what I mean. Turns out I was right, she was an addict and a prostitute but when I looked closely I realized I KNEW her. When she looked at me I could tell she didnt recognize me but I immediately remembered her face. She was a girl I had gone to junior high and high school with. In talking to a friend I found out she had been out on the streets crack addicted for the past few years. "Most times her family doesnt know whether shes alive or dead". Those were the words my friend used. I felt like a fool when I thought about all the insignificant things I was so 'stressed out about'. But sometimes it takes for you to see a man w/o feet to stop complaining that you have no shoes. Couple that with the fact that I could have died in 2006 in a roll over car crash...but yet walked away without a scratch..and the word: GRATEFUL comes to mind. That is my word to any of you reading this. Take a moment to appreciate what you have in your life today, or for that matter the fact that you HAVE life...People always say 'tomorrow is not promised' but when you think about it..nether was today. Live accordingly :o)

~The Diva~

20 Things My Husband Will Know...

20 Things My Future Husband Will Know...
I wont get into my reasons why I created this list...Lets just say I felt the need to clarify some things :o)20 Things My Future Husband Will Know: (in no particular order)

1. the right fork to use @ a formal dinner

2. that nobody designs a better engagement ring than Tiffany & Co.

3. the difference between 'your' and 'you're' when writing

4. how to make the people I love, love him, by the way he loves me

5. how to balance his strength with his compassion

6. my birthday without having to be reminded

7. how to pay his bills on time

8. how to compromise

9. how to properly clean a bathroom

10. how to pair a fine wine with a good meal

11. how to prepare the perfect 'Cosmopolitan' cocktail

12. that it is never ok to lie to me...ever

13. how to change a flat tire

14. how to cry without worrying whether he looks 'weak'

15. the two lead characters in the movie "Pulp Fiction"

16. that you don't need to put rims on an $80,000 car

17. how to dress appropriately for any occasion

18. the difference between intelligence and wisdom

19. that God is real...and so is the Devil

20. how to discipline our kid(s) with love and not fear

This isnt a comprehensive list, but its a start :o)

~The DivaRoyale

Knowing When to Say When Part 1

'Know when to say when' is a phrase reserved most often for discussions about drinking, playing poker, spending money…or any situation when its best that you have a firm grasp on your limitations. Recently though, Ive realized that there's another appropriate use of this phrase: when it comes to relationships. Its usually rather commendable when you see someone truly devoted whose ready to lay it all on the line for a relationship, someone whose "ride or die" so to speak. But theres a fine line between that and becoming a gossip topic in your circle of friends where they simply shake their heads whenever your name gets mentioned. I admit Ive been burned by the whole 'I gave that ni**a everything…and THIS is what I get in return?!' scenario. But now that Im wiser and (a little older unfortunately) I see that it wasn't HIS fault…it was my own. You cant expect people to be inside your head or your heart when it comes to a relationship, thus you cant expect them to act, feel or do the same as you would all the time. So just because youre willing to play Chaka Kahn and go through the fire, don't expect your mate to automatically feel the same way. And if he/she ends up disappointing you, well that's just the risk you run when you decide to get involved with someone.

And I admit of course that love isn't fair as cliché as that sounds but few things in life are. To quote one of the characters from Love Jones, "Love.. passion…it is what it is". So there is no formula that is guaranteed to make a relationship work or last. If you sleep with one too early, abstaining wont guarantee true love the next time around; the same way one man cheating on you doesn't necessarily mean that the next one will. One bit of truth though, relationships have an expiration date. I know all of you have been in a situation, whether it was a stint of uncomfortable silence, or an awkward phone conversation where when it was over…you KNEW it was over…literally. The key is to listen to that voice that tells you "keep it moving playboy" or "girl, when are you gonna dump this clown?" and not instead assume your role as the 'ride or die fool' determined to make a square peg fit a round hole. Noone wants to be the Lenny Williams in their relationship. Cut to you singing, "..and then I watched television until television went off…Oh Oh Oh Oh…. " I think you would agree that's NOT a good look. So my advice to anyone going through it right now, if youre feeling like its over, it probably is. Cut your lover off as well as your losses and keep it moving. Life is too short to be dealing with some nonsense. Sometimes you gotta know when to say when people…The word for today is "DEUCES!" :o)

Here's to turning the page....

The Measure of a (wo)man

Webster's dictionary defines growth as...No seriously this isnt one of those kind of blogs :o) but the concept of growth is really on my mind today. Not the kind that implies a physical change but rather an internal /emotional change that hopefully we all experience (or have experienced) by the time we're 'grown'. Im speaking of the kind of growth that is demonstrated when youre able to: admit that youre wrong, confess that you actually dont know the answer to something or can be satisfied with being your true self, unapologetically, despite what others might think or say. THAT is what being grown is all about. Its not about just getting older, but wiser and despite popular belief it has absolutely nothing to do with the number of figures in your bank account, the kind of car you drive, or where you receive your mail. Its the growth of your spirit and your increased wisdom that truly adds value to your life. If you cant look back and honestly say (as Im proud to say I now can), "Dang I cant believe I USED to be that way" about any aspect of your life...its time for some self-reflection...Because either youre just as jaded and immature as you were in your former years...or youre crazy enough to actually belive that youve already grown as much as you need to by this point...which is decidedly worse..Personally Ive had to come to terms with the fact of any of my flaws, one of the most troublesome is that I have MAD attitude..which is a double edged sword..In my best case it says 'im confident and no nonsense' but in my worst it says, 'im feeling insecure right now so to play it safe Im gonna let you have it just in case'...and it took a great level of maturity and yes, growth for me to realize that about myself and try to make some changes. Admittedly Im still a work in progress but hey, acknowledging is half the battle right?? In talking to my friend today I realized that with him in particular I tended to be more combative because I was so focused on him being the way I felt he should be..I lost sight of the fact that he is his own person...who took years to come be, just as I did...so I have to learn to pick my battles with him. But I have to give him credit, he was very open with his communication with me which I appreciate on so many levels. Sometimes the most profound thing we can do as people is communicate..and by that I mean LISTEN as well as talk. That kind of growth comes from a special mix of humility and maturity that Im still trying to master. While we were talking he made a comment about measuring growth the way many parents do with small children: up against the wall with the obvious black line of a Sharpie. That was a particularly profound analogy because it demonstrates how powerful it is to be able to look back and actually see your growth over time. Well I dont have a Sharpie to mark my growth but I can honestly say that I can see how that little girl from Pattonville circa 1995...has come full circle to become a GROWN woman in 2007. Im so glad that I can do that now...Here's to adding another line to the wall..
"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Anatole France (1844-1924) French writer.

Adding Insult to Idiocy

OK ...so I got up this morning and basically what was my front yard just last night...had turned into what I can only describe as a dingy lake flowing down what used to be my street....Imagine the horror I immediately began to feel when I discovered that I was in the midst of a real honest to God flood!!My first instinct was to of course worry ..which quickly gave way to just plain old PANIC when I thought of what i would do should this murky nasty water decide to creep up into my 'just moved in about 9 months ago' house..Thankfully that never happened, as the waters quickly receded once the storm sewers caught up to them..Now comes the ridiculous part...I look out the living room window and see that some moron who decided that it was absolutley imperative that he leave his house despite the now knee deep water, had actually driven across several lawns (mine included I guess, even though he didnt damage my grass) in an attempt to reach the other end of the street where there was less water. Now this wasnt an especially bright idea for three main reasons:
1. barring a life or death emergency there was NO cause for him to have been out driving in the first place;
2. his car was like an 85 Chrysler LeBaron...so not intended for off road, post flood conditions
3. due to the obvious abundance of water IT WAS MUDDY....Imagine this jerk' s surprise when his trip was abruptly cut short and he found himself stuck in about 6 inches of mud smack in the middle of a neighbors front lawn...NICE :oSo to top off the fact that this poor man (who is elderly by the way) has extensive water damage INSIDE his house..now he has to figure out how to address the two ditches created in his front yard by this idiot...because im certain that Clevon (he just looks like that would be his name though I didnt ask) doesnt have the money insurance, or decency to cover the damages...I dont know what to say about my people sometimes *shaking my head*

Some Other Stuff Educated People Like

Rolling out of bed at 11am takes on new importance with my own nod to SEBPL: Brunch....Thats right educated black folks LOVE going to brunch..Its basically a way to be lazy with a touch a class ...waking up late and having breakfast and lunch combined because you were probably too hung over to wake up any earlier...lol The one thing that 'brunchers' (as we'll call them) love most is the pretentious tone one can take on when someone asks you @ say 2:30 what you did with your morning....It gives the bruncher an opportunity to rub their nose in the fact that while they were eating greasy turkey bacon and eggs on their sofa...you were sipping mimosas on some patio grubbing down on eggs florentine and scones...More importantly you get to feel better than them because they werent invited to brunch...an added plus...lol And of course going to brunch makes it necessary to have 'important' conversations about things such as current events, politics, etc..which also allows one to exhibit the vast knowledge they have on any subject...another great chance to show your superiority...And the main reason why most black folks love going to brunch?? because it used to be something only white folks were able to do.. its a way to claim our rightful place of snootiness and thumb our noses @ them for holding us back for so long....kinda like playing golf..or shopping at Saks :o)So the next time youre feeling extra cultured about yourself....invite a few friends out for brunch...not only will the white folks hate to see you coming, but youll be the envy of all those not seated @ the table with you...lolps>.im totally kidding with this..i love brunch....but its more b/c i hate getting up early than anything else....loltake care yall...

Everything I Ever Needed to Learn...I Learnd from the Cosby Show

Ok..I admit it..Im a Cosby Show junkie...There is never a time that I pass up the opportunity to relive those golden moments back in the day when Id park myself in front of the TV to watch this family. Though so different from my own, I find that I am still easily engrossed in the nostalgia that comes with watching the life and times of the Huxtable clan.And no matter what the episode, how old it is, I can still quote most of the lines word for word as if I once memorized the script, instead of Vanessa or Denise...Just over the weekend while up late I found myself lounging on the couch watching a few episodes as part of a marathon on TvLand and I had an epiphany of sorts. Though obviously entertaining, funny, and ground breaking in many ways, The Cosby Show taught us all lessons on life, with every weeks episode. It was then that I realized that everything I needed to know about life, I learned from the Cosby Show....For instance:
1. Being a highly-paid black professional does not have to automatically equate to being snobby and detached from others...
2. Being able to laugh at yourself is necessary...you shouldnt take yourself too seriously
3. A real lady can do ALL things with class and sophistication..including put you in your place..
4. Marriage can be a beautiful thing if you understand what its REALLY about...
5. Sometimes you have to love somebody enough to let them make mistakes...and not say "I told you so" when they come to cry on your shoulder...
6. Honesty is always the best policy but sometimes being honest will get you into more trouble than telling a lie...
7. You should never play the alphabet game while drinking bourbon...you'll always lose....
8. Note to brothers: your woman knows you better than you know yourself....trust me..
9. Whatever you do in the dark will inevitably come to light eventually (ie: wearing makeup when youre not supposed to...sneaking off to meet your boyfriend...eating hoagies when you know youre not allowed)
10. Being black really is beautiful....Have a good one people....

Just getting started

greetings peeps...ok so since i cant get PAID to write anything.....and i cant seem to stop :o) ive decided to create my own online blog separate from any other page that im on currently....That way i dont have to resubmit or repost anything that i do...and all my regular readers (cuz i do have a few) can check in and see what ive been writing whenever they want to....

I dont really have anything to get off my chest @ the moment...but trust me i will soon enough...so check back..add me to your faves...and get ready...cuz the diva is inthe house!!


~DivaRoyale