How Are You Living??

Ok so I was having an interesting conversation with my girl just now discussing the impact other people's thoughts and opinions have on how we live. I had to ask myself...do I care what other people think about me or do I always do what makes me happy and ignore the 'nay sayers'?? The answer on my part is...well sometimes...but only to a healthy degree. I mean I definitely care whether others think of me as a good person, a great friend, someone they value, but in the grand scheme of things in terms of how I choose to live my life, I could give a damn what other may have to say. Its suffices to say that I care what people think...just not necessarily enough for that that have any bearing on the decisions I make for myself. Im someone who rarely seeks advice. I may confide in a friend about a situation but the words, "Tell me what I should do girl" youll never hear me utter.

Now most people, women more specifically dont subscribe to this line of thinking. I think that too many women either dont trust themselves enough or are too fearful to live their lives the way that they want. They care TOO much about what other people think to make any decision without the constant worry that someone else is going to disapprove and judge them accordingly. Rather than just doing what they think is right for them, they go against their gut and do what they think will gain the approval of, or ward off the side-eyes and 'tisk-tisk' finger pointing of their peers. If you ask me that mess is for the birds. Making decisions in your life based on what someone else may or may not have to say about it is not only ridiculous, its poor judgment all the way around. Doing so usually causes you to live a life that is so 'safe' it pretty much bores you to tears for one, and leads to bitterness and shoulda-woulda-couldas for two.

Now dont get me wrong a healty sense of conscience and self preservation is imperative. Dont take what Im saying to mean, "hey girl, go out into the world and make bunch of bad decisions, ruin your credit and sleep with all the wrong men" all under the guise of 'living carefree' and not taking into account the importance of excercising good judgement. The truth of the matter is, if you live your life in a way that only attracts negative attention its probably a good indication that maybe your life is basically out of control. In which case you may need to check yourself. I always say that theres a fine line between being hated on and just being plain old hated; but of course that line is relative to every woman's personal life experiences.

The moral of the story boys and girls is this: Like the song says, 'Live Your Life' ...just be sure that its one you can be proud of...and not one you'll later regret.

Here's to carpe diem peeps!!

The diva :o)

Adele: The Smoothest White Girl You've Never Heard Of

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty eclectic taste in music...My collection includes everything from the WuTang Clan to Coldplay...and now I have a new artist to add to this musical gumbo of sorts: up and coming British songstress Adele. Those of you (with open minds) who saw her on the Grammys know shes truly talented. Her vocal style is a delicious mix of soulful jazz tones, combined with an almost folk music appeal. Its like she's the love child of Etta James and the Mamas and the Papas. Her sound and lyrics are honest, pure and unpretentious. Theres no overly glammed up chick flouncing around screaming about nothing or pointlessly gyrating to distract you from the fact that she has NO talent...No gimmicky outfits or unnecessary pyrotechnic displays....Just unadulterated good music...At only 19 Adele's old soul has a lot to say and my ears are wide open. Check out her album, its in stores now..For a quick preview you can check her out for yourself right here:


http://www.myspace.com/adelelondon





here's to broadened musical horizons


~The Diva :o)

Romance: "I Aint Dead Yet!"

'"Romance is dead" ..That's what they said while sitting around cheating at pool..At the very last frame of this 9 ball game..the one who had the date at the top of the Empire State..is the one who got hustled...like a fool..'

Those of you who found that poem immediately familiar might remember it from one of my faves, "Love Jones." And in light of the fact that Valentines Day is upon us...it brings me to today's blog topic: Is Romance Truly Dead?

If you spend as much time watching random reality tv shows as most of America seems to these days you would be inclined to think that not only romance but true love itself was dead. With shows like "I Love New York", "Flavor of Love" and Vh1's latest television travesty "For the Love of Ray J" you have to wonder. And how ridiculous is the premise of these shows anyway? I mean really. You have random men and women who have never even met these stars dropping whatever they have going on (which usually isnt much I guess) and traveling from all over the country to fight for the attention/affections of admitted philanderers, and talentless celeb wannabes all proclaiming their sincere love and loyalty?? Riiiight.....*smirk of disbelief* Whats a diva to think??

The problem that I have with these shows is that they perpetuate the vlaues of quantity over quality, booties/breasts over brains and Mr./Ms. Right Now over Mr./Ms. Right. I do not even know how many times Ive seen someone on one of these shows send home the guy with a degree, proper grammar and some basic decorum opting instead for the 'bad boy' devoid of any goals...or struggle with the decsion of whether to keep the not so former stripper with nothing to offer with the exception of a big behind vs the self made entrepreneur who refuses to demonstrate her 'booty clapping ability' just to boost the ratings. Sad as it sounds, I know some people look at shows like this and get a dangerously false impression of whats considered acceptable when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex on an intimate level. If you ask me the classics still work and fighting to the death on national tv to get some stupid man/woman who's trying to create or revive their career is NOT a display of love or romance, despite what they say after handing out that much coveted last rose/glass of champagne/ridiculous bedazzled necklace during those elimination ceremonies.

All the blingage and over the top bravado works for about 10 min with the least discriminating of women, however if you aspire to a woman of substance or above average intelligence, you're going to have to dig deeper...and not necessarily into your pockets.

Ask any real woman and she'll confirm for you that the little things count. A compliment on her hair, reminding her how sexy she is with a little kiss before heading out to work, an impromptu foot rub while watching TV...are all great examples of displays of romance that speak more to intimacy rather than sex and cost absolutely nothing. Now that's not to say that a gift every now and again isn't warranted or appreciated, just that you don't need to do that just to show that you care.

And of course ladies in all fairness, I cant just let us off the hook. We are responsible for keeping the romance going as well. Men are usually pretty easy to please contrary to popular belief so little things score big points. Give him a back rub when you know he's had a hard day without demanding that he talk about it, leave him a little note to tell him that you love him, or get up off your behind and cook something for once! And of course you can take a few notes from Usher's 'Trading Places' if you really want to throw him for a loop. Spontaneity + Intimacy is always a good thing.

Hopefully this blog has inspired some of you to unearth the romance that we thought was dead and buried. I hope your Valentines days are filled with plenty of romance that's alive and kicking!

Here's to the resurrection of romance :o)

~The Diva

Cheaters Never Prosper....

Ok....so I know I havent been writing for the past month or so..and for those of you who actually read this blog..my apologies :o) Ive been a little out of sorts these days and havent been able to get in any serious blogging time...Hopefully all of that is behind me and I can get back on the grind effective immediately....Now with that out the way...my latest blog...

I have a few male friends...some who are ex-boyfriends, some whom I've never dated...and some who inexplicably ended up in the friend zone but have proven to be very close to me. We talk these male friends and I, about all kinds of things...sports (when I can tolerate it), curent events, politics, and relationships. Some claim to be in loving committed relationships, others are constantly trying to find an out because their significant others are slowly driving them insane, and others cheat...constantly. Whats interesting to me is how some men are able to make excuses for their cheating and in some cases do so unapologetically.

For alot of men I think cheating is something they feel they are driven to do by mates who lack the excitement, sexual audacity and overall stimulation needed to keep them from wandering. But what entrigues me even more is how vastly the definition of cheating differs between men and women and moreover person to person.

In my opinion you can certatinly cheat without anyone ever even getting naked. Cheating for me is more about the level of intimacy being shared rather than the act itself. Id feel far more hurt

and betrayed by a man for engaging in long late night phone conversations when I can never get him to open up to me than I would if I found out about his drunken night of sex with an old flame. Its about him sharing himself with another woman in a way that he wont with me. For those of you who remember the movie, "Brown Sugar" that was the issue between Nicole Parker and Taye Diggs. He opened up to Sanaa Lathan's character, about his life and dreams etc and wouldnt do so with his own wife....The jig was finally up when it was discovered that all that time the two were actually in love with eachother. Intimacy can be a dangerous thing once shared with someone who should be off-limits.

Allowing someone into your relationship in that way when youre committed to someone else is akin to inviting your worst enemy to your house for dinner. No matter how great the meal was everyone eventually feels uncomfortable, you feel like an idiot when you cant figure out why you invited them in the first place..but once they arrive the damage is done so youre forced deal with them until they make their exit. Afterall you cant invite someone to dinner and then just ask them to leave when you decide they've had enough right?

Of course there is something to be said for people making mistakes but its no mistake when you go to your ex's house totally planning to sleep with them...You sought out the situation and should be fully prepared to accept the unavoidable consequences which are sure to follow.

So men (and women, cause lord knows we cheat as well) the next time youre engaged in some situation that youre pretty sure you couldnt get away with if your significant other was within eyeshot, think twice...you may be doing something you'll end up regretting later.

Here's to knowing what you have at home...

The Diva