You Know How I Know You're Gay??

Ok I was having a conversation with my boy Rapier last night (a straight/former model...and yes he's black) about the perils of today's black metrosexual. According to him chicks today are so engrossed in today's hip hop/swagger-obsessed culture when it comes to men, that any brother who deviates from a Young Jeezy type is immediately chalked up as 'questionable'. A brother who just tries to maintain himself and who doesnt wear his pants below his waist should not be written off as gay on site. And just because a brother uses name brand face wash instead of Dial doesnt mean you need to give him the side eyes either....

Now to me a metrosexual is a brother who is carefully straddling that fine line between well-kempt and flat out gay. This line is often hard to detect when youre dealing with an attractive guy who is well dressed, has good taste and who keeps his nails clean on a regular basis....especially if you cant remember the last time you saw him out on the town with a hot chick on his arm.

In the movie 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies, two of the characters engage in a completely hilarious conversation debating about the other's sexuality, each remark beginning with the words "You know how I know youre gay?". Well in case you need to know for sure whether a guy youre checking for is more homo than metro, allow me to offer some insight.

Metrosexuals and Homosexuals while very distinct groups have 4 areas of interest/expertise in common: Food/Wine, Fashion, Grooming, Arts/Music. However the fine line drawn between metro and homo is a matter of excessiveness, ie: that 'extra extra' factor typically found in the day to day behaviors of gay men. Lets take each area of interest and explore some examples shall we?

Food/Wine:
Metro- Guy is well-versed on various wines and can order a decent bottle whenever called upon to do so. Also he isnt afraid to frequent dining establishments denounced as "bourgie" by his less sophisticated counterparts.

Totally Gay- Guy typically drinks champagne or fruity martinis and never orders hearty meals consisting of red meat or potatoes...preferring instead to have a salad.

Fashion:
Metro- Guy subscribes to GQ magazine and tries to stay on top of the latest mens' fashions. He owns a decent number of shoes some of which are by high end fashion designers.

Totally Gay- Guy watches Project Runway on a regular basis, and actually roots for his favorite designer. He has an entire wall in his closet devoted to his shoe collection, each pair in its own box complete with a photo for ease in selection.

Grooming:
Metro- Guy has a skin care regimine that includes a moderately priced skin care line, and owns a manicure kit which he uses to keep his nails clean and trimmed.

Totally Gay- Guy does a nightly facial masque while wearing aloe moisturizing gloves. He has a standing appointment at the nail salon for weekly manicures.

Arts/Music:
Metro- Guy has a diverse taste in music and maybe even listens to classical on occasion. He doesnt prefer it but he'll go to a musical or the opera if the mood strikes, or the right lady invites him.

Totally Gay- His tastes lean more toward the effeminate, preferring to listen to divas such as Diana Ross, Beyonce and Patti Labelle. He knows all the choreography to "Single Ladies" and all the words to "Aint No Mountain High Enough".

Such clues would seemingly be obvious to any observant woman, but you'd be suprised how many sistahs Ive known to be completely attracted to guys with no clue as to their gayness, only to have me come along and have my gay-dar go off like a fire alarm. You have to be every astute when it comes to this topic because if youre not careful on e can slip by you. The next thing you know youre at a party with a guy whose wearing hotter shoes than yours, sipping a cosmopolitan, and out-twirking you on the dance floor exclaiming that"...You should have put a ring on it!!.." and wondering how you got yourself into such a sketchy predicament...Bad look....VERY bad look....

The word for today ladies is OBSERVANT. Dont say I never hipped you to anything :o)

Here's to setting the record 'straight'

~The Diva

Mr. X to the Ladies: Is Your "House" In Order??

Thanks and a little bit of kudos to 'Mr. X' for the following thoughtful submission..A little something for us ladies to ponder...

Enjoy!

~Diva

Dear resident,

You live in a house that is run down. The water works, but the water-heater has long since needed replacing. The cable works, but you don’t like the programming. There was a storm last year that busted out all the windows, so you had them boarded up. Your friends, who’s houses are in no better shape, keep telling you that there are no good houses on the market…that somehow every single house, condo and apartment that is worth the foundation it was set in, can only be found in Atlanta, Chicago or some random city outside of St. Louis. So you will continue to live there, sweeping a dirt floor and replacing light bulbs in a lamp that has no electricity.

We here at ABC Real Estate Company would like to invite you to step beyond your doorstep…down the street…and around the corner. There are several properties that still cater to your liking. There are a number of apartments, condos and single family units that are availNow mind you, there are no virtual tours…you will be required to leave your living room. Also, we require that you stop using and listening to the phrase, “there are no good houses in St. Louis”. This outlook on the market not only hinders you from developing the desire to explore outside of what you already know, but it discourages others like you. In addition, there are a handful of properties that are going through the rehab process and every time this phrase is mentioned, it pushes the completion date back significantly. The individuals doing the work become complacent, because you have become complacent. Aside from that, taking a look at your application, there are a few things that we need to address, but all-in-all, I see some real potential. Should you need to hear directly from some of the individuals that have successfully completed this transition, let me know. Otherwise, I look forward to your new perspective on life, on living and on love. Wait…we are talking about real estate right???

Sincerely,
MR. X

5 Winter Beauty Must-Haves

Calling all ladies!!.....The winter is fast approaching and if you're anything like me...you are already dreading how the bitter cold and wind are going to reek havoc on your hair, skin and even nails. But alas there is hope! I am passing along to you some of the tried and true products I swear by, that are sure to have you winter-ready and fabulous.

Pantene Pro-V Relaxed & Natural Daily Oil Cream Moisturizer:

Even if you dont regularly use Pantene products this one is worth a try. It nourishes hair and helps protect against breakage and damage. I use it ocassionally between salon vists to give my hair an added boost of shine and moisture.

Olay Winter Retreat Body Wash: This stuff is heavenly. Not only

does is leave your skin feeling hydrated and smooth, it has vanilla essence which has a calming effect as you shower. Downside: its a limited edition product so it may not be in stores for long.

Cetaphil Skin Care: My skin is sensitive and SUPER dry even in the warmer months

so I love these products. The gentle cleansers leave your face clean without stripping it of its natural moisture. Their body cream (which can be used on the face) actually works to bind water to the skin providing a protective barrier and locking moisture in. The line also features a day lotion with SPF15 which is needed all year round. FYI-My dermatologist (who is african american) even recommends these products, especially for people with skin conditions like eczema.

C.O. Bigelow Lip Shine: I've been addicted to these lip glosses for the past few years now. They're perfect for the winter because they keep the lips not only moist but with a hint of glossy color. My favorite is the Mentha Shine which is infused with peppermint oil. It keeps your pucker minty fresh and soft....perfect for a peck under the mistletoe :o)

True Blue Spa's 'Look Ma New Hands' hand lotion: This hand cream combines avocado, olive, and apricot oils with a hint of paraffin to keep hands soft and protected, and looking like new. It also has a pleasant scent and softens hands without making them feel too greasy. I love it!

And ps, I'd love to know if any of you try some of the suggested products or if you have your own 'must have' to suggest...Well with that being said....Go forth and winterize ladies!!

here's to being fab even in the dead of winter :o)

~Diva

People Mag's Sexiest Men of 2008

Well its about to hit the stands in the coming days but People has just announced the completion of its annual Sexiest Men Alive list....Its mostly comprised of alot of white guys, many of whom I dont know or care about so I wanted to take a moment to highlight the talented, beautiful, and oh so fabulous brothers who made the cut this year...Enjoy!!

Presenting (in order of my personal preference) People Magazine's Sexiest Brothers Alive!

Denzel Washington- The quentessential brother: swagger, style and cool sophistication....what sistah hasnt fantasized about him at one point or another??

Blair Underwood- I've been in love with him ever since "Set it Off" ...Plus Ive always been a sucker for a darker brother with some nice waves :o)

Usher- the only brother cool enough to do Broadway and not have anyone question his sexuality...

Taye Diggs- ((sigh)) what a shame that he doesnt fancy the sistahs too much...he's still my favorite 'best man' nonetheless...

Terrence Howard- I've secretly always kind of liked that 'catt daddy' like swagger that Terrence has...Its almost like he should have been born at an earlier time..Plus, he may have single handedly brought light skinned brothers back into the limelight....

Kanye West- You may hate his arrogance and his cocky demeanor...but you cant deny that he's got something...I always give points for a flawless sense of fashion...

Jamie Foxx- outrageously funny comedian...enormously talented actor...and a smooth balladeer as well...gotta love that Jamie...

Will Smith- The freshest Prince of them all...charismatic and handsome..and I dont care what anybody says..not a homosexual :o)

Chris Brown- Even though he's still a young'n, Mr. Brown's talent is undeniable...his success speaks for itself...Well on his way to being his generation's Michael Jackson...

Donald Faison- Im not particularly impressed by this cat..but he's still a brother doing his thing and doing it in a positive way...gotta respect that..He's getting more roles all the time...and im sure he's got some great ones to come..

Well....thats all folks!! and if you want to check out the special vid on the People website click the link below...it features pics of all 100 guys..

http://www.people.com/people/package/video/0,,20237714_20237719_20238484,00.html

Have a fab one!!

Here's to the brothers....in all their glory...

~Diva

Consider the following song lyrics:

"Girl, you know I love you

No matter what you do

And I hope you understand me

Every word I say is true

Cause I love you

I’m thinkin’ of you
Tryin’ to be more of a man for you

And I don’t have much riches

But we gonna see it through

‘Cause I love you

Some men need lots of women

For their passions to feel

But I want only you, girl

if it’s in God’s will

‘Cause I love you"

If you're under the age of 30 and youre reading this, you probably have no clue what song this is, however if youre an 'old head' such as myself and you listen to stations other than 100.3 The Beat....it should have been immediately familiar to you and inspired the all too familiar stream of "Oh oh oh oh oh!" that follows the last stanza. If you're not hip to it (and you should be ashamed by the way), click this link to educate yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbzkwLWK-Ps I'll wait...

*approximately 7 min later*

Ok, now that we're all on the same page, the reason for this blog... I had an interesting conversation with my girl the other day discussing an article she read on Black Love Songs and how basically they've lost their way. Now the song above is the real deal...Here is a man willing to put it all out in the open, no game palying, no ulterior motives and obviously no pride to get in the way. When you combine those elements along with a knack for lyrics, and a mean hook, you've got yourself a real black love song. There's no promise to ice out your wrist, lend you the keys to his whip on ocassion, rescue you from your troublesome life at the gentlemens' club or any other such nonsense. Just the fact that he loves you...period. Sadly today, songs of this type are becoming endangered.

There is so much unintelligible mess on the radio today that its gotten to the point where I dont even listen to anything BUT the more mature stations....A diva can only tolerate hearing Plies' pitiful ode to the sistahs: "Bust It Baby" so many times before I start to actually feel my IQ drop...These days you are truly hard pressed to find a love song specifically by a black performer that resembles the former more so than the latter.

In the article it pointed out that we should feel obligated to put more of a positive emphasis on black love in our music being that we now actually have black love residing in the White House. What better time to reset the tone right? The tide is changing in terms of the way blacks are being viewed in America, now more than ever and its time the music industry stepped up its game and fell in line.

Of course I dont think all our generation's r&b perfomers are a lost cause...Singers like Raheem DeVaughn, Maxwell, Jill Scott, Kindred and Bilal can always be counted on to sing the praises of something other than mind-blowing sex, popping bottles in the VIP or driving really fast in exotic foreign cars while tossing stacks of cash left and right. Their genre lends itself more often to celebrating the sistahs for more than just being shapely, being completely vulnerable to the one you love, and promises of lasting fidelity. They hearken to the soul music greats of the 70s and 80s, and try to emulate those same emotions through their art.

I just hope that artists such as them wont eventually fade away into the sunset of black music history as so many before them. Instead Im holding out hope that more artists will get on board and realize the value in producing music that is encouraging and moving rather than just billboard-topping. I know the lure of the big time superficial record deal has its perks, but if that means you have to sell your art, heart, and soul to the highest bidder...Im hoping some of these folks will take a pass.

Hey if we can have a brother as leader of the free world, we can certainly put out some music that doesnt make you cringe when you hear it right?

here's to real music...and moreover the real love that inspires it...

PS>> Shout out to my girl Omniscient..my 'Resident Content Advisor'!

~Diva :o)

A REAL SIMPLE Guide to Wine

In light of today's random act of video...I thought I would do a quick post on some wine basics. I found the following helpful guide on http://www.realsimplereallife.com/ (you may have seen the Real Simple magazines at your local grocery stores....great for tips on recipes, interior design, entertaining etc.) Its a great 'how to' on what wines go well with what dishes and is sure to get you off to a great start. Id love to know if any of you readers are avid wine drinkers and have any suggestions for me as well. Im always on the lookout for the perfect wine. Just last night I tried a Cabernet Sauvignon by Lake Sanoma...It was delicious. Now, on to the list:

Cabernet Sauvignon (Red)

What it is: Known as the king of reds, this bold wine has flavors that cover the spectrum from green bell pepper to fresh tobacco to ripe berries. (Choose carefully; it can overpower the flavors of your food.) Goes best with: Rich proteins like steak, burgers, roast beef, lamb, and game meats, plus stewed dishes and aged or strong-smelling cheeses like Brie.

Chardonnay (White)

What it is: A rich white that commonly has pineapple and mango flavors and a buttery, oaky finish. Goes best with: Grilled chicken and fish, creamy sauces (including over pasta), shellfish, veal and pork, rabbit, ripe, and creamy cheeses like Brie and Camembert.

Malbec (Red)

What it is: Grown frequently in Argentina, this robust red resembles Cabernet Sauvignon but with a slightly softer edge and flavors of dried, dark fruit such as black currants and plum. Goes best with: Grilled meats and sausages, steaks, lamb, pizza, hard cheeses such as Parmesan.

Merlot (Red)

What it is: A low-acidity medium-bodied wine that often tastes of plum, berries and currants, it famously took a bruising in the wine-snob movie Sideways. Goes best with: Duck, pasta, red meat, smoked or grilled foods, pork, mushrooms, pizza, chocolate, and full-flavored cheeses.

Pinot Grigio (White)

What it is: Also known as Pinot Gris, this wine tends to be light, dry, and crisp. Goes best with: Shellfish and most light seafood dishes, salads, light pastas, goat and sheep's milk cheeses.

Pinot Noir (Red)

What it is: A lighter-bodied red with cherry and raspberry flavors. Goes best with: Grilled foods, chicken, salmon, ahi tuna, pork, mild cheeses like Swiss, Feta, and Gruyère.

Riesling (White)

What it is: A wine that can be sweet or dry depending on the winemaker, it tends to be fruity, floral, and light. Goes best with: Barbecued seafood, pork, shellfish, summer fruit, creamy cheeses, moderately spicy ethnic foods like Thai and Chinese, salads.

Sauvignon Blanc (White)

What it is: Also known as Fumé Blanc, this citrusy, grassy wine is traditionally light, crisp, and refreshing. Goes best with: White or light fish, grilled vegetables, oysters, fruit, mild cheeses, chicken.

Sparkling Wine (White)

What it is: Wine that is specially fermented to produce carbonation, bubbly hails from all over the world―but only bottles that come from the Champagne region in France can be called the C-word. The sweetness of sparkling wine varies based on the grape variety used and how much sugar is added during the fermentation process, ranging from Brut Natural (the driest) to Doux (very sweet). Goes best with: Appetizers, spicy dishes, shellfish (especially lobster and scallops), caviar, salty foods, sushi, and fruit.

Zinfandel (Red)

What it is: A versatile wine that can be light and fruity or heavy and robust depending on the winemaker and often has flavors of raspberry, blackberry, anise, and pepper. Goes best with: Richly sauced dishes, barbecued meats, pizza, pasta, red meat, turkey, game meats, spicy foods.

Here's to good wine and good friends...

~Diva

The Power of the Human Connection..

I recently watched the movie, "Hancock" and I really enjoyed it...I know Im a little late on this one but Im usually not one for the action/superhero genre and it took a minute for me to break down and watch it. Im glad I did, but while I loved the writing (Will's character is hilarious and so is Justin Bateman's) and the way the movie was filmed (the scenes were phenomenal) I was more impacted by the underlying less obvious theme the film highlighted: the power of the human connection.

In the movie Will and Charlize find out that theyre both superhumans cut from the same cloth, and essentially 'designed' to complement eachother...Ironically the more they were drawn to one another the weaker they both became. Their connection while intense and undeniable spelled disaster for them. Hence, there was no way if they cared for oneanother that they could remain connected. That concept was so profound to me...and so relavent at the same time because I know the feeling....

All of us at one time or another have been in a relationship with someone who has indelibly affected us; and marked us in a way that is inescapable, regardless of distance, time..whatever. A lifetime could pass between meetings and when you see him/her, your mind immediately takes you back to a time when you were together...and you feel totally defenseless. Even when you know you were toxic for oneanother, you cant help but feel an almost magnetism when in their presence.

If youre lucky your head over rules your heart and you do whats best: sever the ties and leave well enough alone. But if not, and you just have to experience that last rush that comes with opening the door to the past...you're almost always promptly reminded of why that person was in your past in the first place... An all too familiar nod to the fact that nostalgia can be a bi-ch and a mean one at that...

Its hard for us mere mortals to practice self-denial and not surrender to what we want...or in some cases think we need at the moment. Hancock was able to do so in the interest of his and Charlize's well-being, but we ordinary people rarely possess the restraint necessary to do the same. I guess thats all a part of being human though...taking the bumps and bruises, and risking life and limb in the hopes of finding something good on the other side..I suppose its worth it so long as the result is a real and lasting connection. Mental note: attraction is fleeting but a true connection is forever..

here's to making connections...

~Diva

We Made History "My Friends"!!

Well its official....America is in the grips of an historical and monumental moment..We have just elected the first black President of the United States!! Even as I type these words, they hardly seem real. I sat in a room with family and friends last night: poor and middle class...old and young...white and blue collar...and wept as I embraced what I can only describe as one of the most moving and awe inspiring moments of my life.

In this country not many years ago Black men's beaten and charred bodies hung from trees amidst crowds of cheering whites. They couldnt walk the streets without being victimized on a daily basis. They could be spat upon, chastised and humiliated for the most minor of offenses. Today however black men are free to seize opportunities their ancestors could not have even dared to dream. They are no longer non entities devoid of civil rights and unworthy of respect. Our brother Barack is living proof that all things are possible, and there is no doubt in my mind that God was at the helm of this achievement.

But as he stated last night President cannot do it alone. It is the responsibility of us as a nation to come together and make the change that we're all hoping for. We each have to assume the role of leader and do what others will not do. The days of sitting back and allowing things to happen to us as a people are long gone. We must be proactive and look to an uncertain future with optimism. I am confident that President Obama has all the tenacity, intelligence and grace under fire that we need to usher us into this new era, but only our diligence as a committed and supportive people will see to it that the job is done. But for now let's just bask in the glow of this victory and take it all in. We have truly made history...

Here's to the power of change...YES WE DID!!

~Diva

The 80/20 Rule...

Girl meets boy..boy seems perfect...boys starts showing his flaws...boy is good to girl and loves her dearly but doesnt clean up after himself or act as girl would like him to at times...Enter new boy. He's less of a pig and is always on his best behavior. Girl leaves said boy for new boy, assusming she's upgrading only to find out that new boy is clean but irresponsible...well behaved but not very bright...

Girl realizes she should have never left boy in the first place.

What you've just witness my friends is a textbook example of the "80/20" rule in action. You see, girl already had 80% of what she needed to be happy but gave it up for the 20% she thought boy was lacking. In doing so, she put herself at a disadvantage, trading in the lion's share of her happiness for the table scraps. This is a mistake commonly made by people who are either unwilling or unable to embrace what they have right in front of them with appreciation.

I first encountered this concept in watching the Tyler Perry film "Why Did I Get Married?". In the film it was Mike, Sheila's husband who betrayed his loving wife and left her for the fleeting pleasure his mistress brought to the table. Here was a man who had a loving, faithful wife willing to do any and everything to keep him happy, and make their marriage work but all he could see was a 'fat girl'. Instead of seeing her for the woman he once pledged his love to, he saw a sexier, slimer option in her homegirl Trina. He soon discovered that Trina (like most women of the "20" variety) had very little to offer beyond the proverbial "big butt and a smile". And of course when it was all said and done it was too late to right his wrong.

People so often miss the point of love and relationships. The point is never to get the hottest chick ever, or the guy with the most possible money, but to find that someone who possesses the perfect blend of characteristics that will lead to longevity and hopefully fidelity. If you nurture and care for your own grass, it deosnt matter how green the other side is. Hence there's no need to wonder what could be, or might be with someone else. Moreover I have news for you, when you're lucky to find someone who truly loves you, theres no such thing as 'trading up' anyway.

Yeah.....that 20 looks pretty good when you think you're missing out on something, but believe me, its hardly worth sacrificing 80 to get it.

Here's to making your next move your best move.

Diva :o)

Where is 'Big Mama' when you need her??

I went to a local chinese food place to pick up some food on Saturday afternoon and witnessed something that I felt compelled to write about....I placed my order and took a seat, waiting along with an older lady about 65, a woman maybe 45 with her son and say, four young men who all appeared to be in their late teens...We all sat waiting as our orders were called while the young men talked loudly amongst eachother, totally oblivious to their rudeness. I listened against my will, as the topics ranged from one's plans to go pick up his kids (and he looked about 17) , how his whole family was at some boy's funeral who had been shot in the head a few days prior, that he knew some people who planned to retaliate, and how they were going to be in the 'studio' that night. All I could do was shake my head.

Of course they were more than just loud, obnoxious, and disrespectful. They were cursing like nobody's business, pants sagging with their underwear showing, and barking demands for napkins and red pepper to the lady behind the counter. All the while talking about this boy's murder like one would discuss something as trivial as the weather. All I kept wondering was who raised these young men to behave this way?? I know one thing, "Big Mama" sure as hell didnt. Im in my early 30's, but I still came up during the era where grown folks actually RAISED kids...You just couldnt go around cursing and acting like some undisciplined heathen without swift and often painful correction. When I was a teenager, or even today for that matter, there is no way in HELL I would have even considered cursing around one of my elders. And if I had, I would have most certainly been sorry for it later.

Couple that with the sense of indifference and callous nature of these young mens' demeanor and you have a receipe for why the black community is no longer a community. Gone are the days of the 'village to raise a child' mentality, and "big mama" . Hell these days she's too worried she gonna get robbed by one of these little houligans to even open her mouth when she sees the kinds of things that go on today. Its a shame too because the "big mama's" of the old school are part of the reason why some of these men turned out as well as they did. Big mamas were the mothers AND fathers they needed when some young boys had neither. They dished out the love, structure, and swats to the behind necessary to mold them into responsible adults. These days we have too many young women who dont know the first thing about parenting, struggling through it on their own, without a much needed support system. The fact that the fathers arent around as much anymore doesnt exactly help matters either.

I pray that what I saw on Saturday is not indicative of whats going on with our young men in our community as a whole. If it is...people, we have GOT to do better. Somebody call Big Mama...we need her!

~diva :o\

The Horror..I mean "Whore-er"....

Ok so ..I went with one of my homeboys and best homegirls to a Halloween party on Friday night....I dont know what I was expecting but...it was one of the worst things I had been to in a long....long time. I thought halloween was a time to show your more creative/expressive side...to show your alter ego in a sense...Well if thats the case, half of St. Louis' ladies aspire to be whores on the side. Before I could even get within yards of the party's entrance I was bombarded by an onslaught of latex, vinyl mini skirts, fishnets, thigh high boots, protruding boobs and booty cheeks that would have made even Uncle Luke cringe...And those were the ones who were covered up! I even saw a chick who actually wore yellow police tape wrapped around her bottom half with a two makeshift pasties over her breasts. I dont even want know what the hell she was supposed to be...She was no looker so I guess she was just out to get attention the best way she knew how...But the tape was nevertheless an appropriate choice because she definitely looked like a crime scene to me :o( wrong... just wrong...

Then to add insult to injury I dressed as one of the robbers from the movie Dead Presidents, which I thought was pretty creative, only to look up and see two separate crews of guys dressed as the same thing! Then had the nerve to give me the side eyes like I stole their idea. Of course guys were still hitting on me even though my face was covered in black and white face paint....but Im still not sure whether it was the fact that they actually thought I might be cute under the makeup or if they were just attracted to the whole 'criminal' vibe...lol

All in all..I would say the night was a bust...My boy, who is a self-professed womanizer, couldnt even stand to stay longer than 90min...despite the fact that he was surrounded by butt-naked women...I mean, seriously how many slutty cops and naughty nurses can one person take?! I REALLY knew it was time to go when I saw Strawberry Shortcake and her homegirl Robin (from the) Hood..both of whom were easily a size 18, wearing costumes CLEARLY designed for a girl about a size 6. I should have gotten that "fashion police" costume I saw online...I would have been handing out citations left and right...

And to top it off..I didnt even get any freaking candy!!

Oh the HORROR!!! *blood curddling screams*

Diva :o)

Condolences and Reflections...

I'm sure that like me you've been watching and listening in horror as developments have unfolded concerning Jennifer Hudson's family. Its so interesting how in the African American community we tend to feel personally hurt and impacted when a tragedy such as this touches any one of us, famous or not. When I heard of the deaths of her mother and brother, all I could think was , "My God....this is awful" I could barely find the words when I heard about her nephew's body being found as well. I cannot even fathom what it must be like for her to wake up everyday with a burden of grief this heavy on her heart. Here this woman is blessed with a beautiful gift and the opportunity of a lifetime to share it with the world and this lunatic comes along and takes three of the most precious people in her life away from her in an instant.

For me this is more than just a sad reminder of the frailty and fleeting nature of life. Its a lesson in choices and how they can impact us as well as others. I suspect that when Jennifer's sister Julia chose this man to love and accept into her heart and life that she never imagined he could do something so heinous and violent. Apparently she loved him despite his past trangressions and chose to accept him nonetheless. Now, I am in NO WAY blaming her for what has happened in her family. It is an unspeakable tragedy and only that man can be held responsible for his actions. I just wonder had she never met him.....never loved him...or never let him into her life if things would have gone differently for all parties concerned. If she had fallen in love with a decent man, with a good heart, and not this monster, would we still be bombarded with headlines like, "Chicago Mourns Over Hudson Tragedy"? Moreover I think about what must be going through Julia's mind these days. We can only hope that she doesnt blame herself for all thats happened and either never recover from the grief or try to harm herself because of it. I dont think that family could withstand another loss.

Everyday we make choices. Some are seemingly insignificant at the time; like where to go for dinner. Other choices are ultimately life altering decisions that determine the courses of our lives. Sometimes who we choose to love can be just such a decision. I pray that situations like this cause us to take a moment to ponder that.

Here's to choosing wisely....

Skinhead Murder Plot Foiled By FBI Agents

On a more disturbing and less fabulous note....FBI and ATF agents jailed two idiot skinheads today and through their investigation uncovered a racist murder plot said to culminate to the murder of Presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Apparently the two were first plotting to randomly murder (by beheading) several African American students at a TN high school..and later set out on a mission to kill Obama drive-by style while wearing white tuxedos and matching top hats *blank stare* Agents are doubtful that the plan would have come to fruition as no information on Obama's whereabouts or scheduled appearances were to be found. This raises two very pressing concerns for me: One, I question the level of intelligence and sanity of anyone who has convinced himself that he can murder a Presidential candidate amidst a crowd of thousands AND get away scott free while wearing a conspicuous white tuxedo and top hat...And secondly, Im now wondering whether America is truly ready to have a black man as President. As much as it pains me to say it....I just dont know people...*fingers crossed*

"You Can't Handle The Truth" (...Or Can You??)

Well in another interesting development..my blog has in fact sparked an entirely new blog. Some of you may remember the list that sparked my most recent post "25 Things Ill need to know...." (if not read the original list here http://divaroyale.blogspot.com/2008/10/20-things-my-husband-will-know.html Well on this list one of the things my husband needed to know was that it was NEVER ok to lie to me...EVER.

That in and of itself was the topic of another conversation with Mr. X where he referenced a conversation from the movie Baby Boy where Jody comments: "...I lie to you because I care about your feelings"

Now I can just about guess what most sistahs said to themselves after hearing that one...Im sure it was something along the lines of a high pitched "negro PUH-leese!" While on the other hand Im sure most brothers responded with a resounding, "EXACTLY!". But ladies, before you start rolling your necks and you brothers start dapping eachother up. ..First, consider something that I had to ponder last night: Sometimes the truth hurts and we're really not ready to hear it.

Now Im not saying that Im taking back what I said about lying...I still think its wrong. However Im also the kind of woman who doesnt ask questions I dont want to know the answers to. I'm not gonna start interrogating you about what the sex with your ex was like, whether I do in fact look fat in these, or what I do that annoys you..unless Im prepared to hear the truth...even if its ugly..

But the real question is: what does 'knowing the truth' really afford us in any given situation? Will you really gain anything other than misery and/or anger, or will the truth give you the basis you need to make a better decision now that you have all of the information?

For example ladies, would you really want to know if your man cheated on you before you were married, just once, if he never saw the woman again? Or brothers, can your ego really handle knowing that your woman's ex used to put it DOWN in the bedroom and you dont even compare to him..even though she's now your wife??

I think that Jody should have subscribed to the Pietro Aretino (15th Cent. Italian author) way of thinking when it comes to this subject, which simply says:

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

Maybe theres something to this whole truth and feelings thing...But perhaps its more so about not divulging hurtful information ie: an omission vs telling a lie. If those are my choices...I think Ill stick with not knowing in some instances. Its just...less complicated I think.

~Diva

25 Things (Yes 25) That I'll need to know as a future wife...

Ok ....so I was having a conversation w/ "Mr. X" last night...who is actually a friend of mine and we were discussing my blog concerning the 20 things I wanted my future husband to know. After reading my list and posting a comment his response to me was a challenge to think of even 10 things I thought I needed to know/work on etc. He said he was only expecting ten because in his words, he "knew I couldnt come up with 20"...I guess his assumption is that Im too arrogant to think there could possibly be more than 10 things I still actually need to master and or understand fully before becoming someone's wife :o) Well Mr. X....I accept your challenge and I will have you know that I was very thoughtful in compiling the list below and while I do admit Im a work in progress regarding some...Im pretty sure Ive gotten a few under my belt already..I hope he and other brothers who might read this will agree that its a pretty good list nonetheless.

25 Things That I'll Need to Know as a Future Wife:

1. That Monday Night Football and or the NBA Finals are NOT appropriate times to discuss our relationship...

2. That time with his friends is essential to his sanity...

3. That I shouldnt hold him accountable for mistakes made by my last man...

4. How to pick my battles and not make an issue out of everything...

5. How to love his child(ren) as if they are my own...(if applicable)...

6. How to prepare his favorite meals...

7. How to play my part in a way that makes it easy for him to play his...

8. How to prepare his favorite cocktail...

9. That acting 'catty' in the presence of his ex is NOT attractive...

10. That sometimes we're going to have to agree to disagree...

11. How to party with him and enjoy his company like we're best friends...

12. That catering to his needs (ie: bringing him a beer, or his plate @ dinner time) does not compromise me as a woman...

13. That whole "lady in the street but a........" thing...you know the phrase...

14. Moreover, how to stimulate him MENTALLY....

15. That Playstation/Xbox for some men are legitimate hobbies...

16. That its ok to celebrate HIM and pick up the check sometimes...

17. How to tell him the truth in love, even when he doesnt want to hear it...

18. That every man is not cut out to be a "Brooks Brothers" type...

19. How to make his mother adore me...

20. To take an interest in his interests...

21. Thats "keeping up w/ the Jones'" should not be top priority...

22. That a man's wealth and worth are not synonymous terms...

23. What his buttons are, and how not to push them...

24. That a man's ego is fragile, and should be handled with care...

25. There is such a thing as comfortable silence...

There...mission accomplished...

Thanks for reading and please offer comments and additions if I missed any :o)

~DIVA

These chicks are on my "List"

Ok so...Ive talked w/ a few of my homegirls about this..and i figured its about time I blogged about it. I have this list...more an unofficial black list actually of chicks (mostly sistahs) in the industry who I really wish would go somewhere and just sit down or fall off into obscurity so that I dont have to deal with their nonsense anymore. Who are these lucky ladies you ask?? here goes...my official "Diva's Random Listing of Intolerable Broads" complete with a rationale for each chick:

1. Golden Brooks- I cant stand this one because...well for one her hair is almost

ALWAYS a traveshamockery of a mess...she always has this hoochie-esque quality to her that annoys the ish outta me and...I always hated her character on 'Girlfriends'. Toni was right... she WAS ghetto..

2. Gabriell Union- Now Gabrielle is different....I dont dislike because I find her to

be devoid of talent..and I actually do think she's pretty fabulous....but I find her to

have this plastic facade of a personality that seems way too forced and artificial...

Pretty fugaze if you ask me...Im not feeling it...

3. Megan Goode- Now I KNOW Im not alone on this one...This chick annoys me for

enough reasons to dedicate an entirely separate blog to...In short she doesnt have any talent..and she pretty much always looks like either a hooker in training, a little girl playing dress up in her mom's clothes...or an extra in a Luke video...In either case her contrived sexy vixen persona is wack...and unoriginal...next...

4. "Pepa" - Now dont get me wrong...I used to get my groove on to "Push It" with

the best of em..but I cant STAND Pepa...No matter what the event, the attire, etc...

this broad just never looks refined..or classy. Ive seen her out in some pretty

serious gowns and she still looked like one of those ghetto prom chicks whose photos get circulated all over the internet every year for looking like a damn fool...you know the ones...

5. Vivica Fox- On top of the fact that she PLAYED herself over 50 of all cats

(how could we forget that debacle)...she just has that girl from the hood demeanor a little too much for my liking. Again, she's another one who is always trying to pull off this air of sophistication...unsuccessfully...seems like the type of chick who would break of a beer bottle and come at you in a club fight....definitely rough around the edges despite the money and fame...

6. New York- Three reasons (b/c I had to narrow it down) why this chick definitely

needs to be on the list: 1. she looks like a damn muppet every time I see her...2.

she apparently doesnt have ANY clothes in her size 3. she's a loud, obnoxious moron who wouldnt know class if it hit her in the face...which after looking @ this picture I actually wouldnt mind doing right now....Maybe its the teal blue eyeshadow we've all come to know and hate, or perhaps her chain smoking of Newport cigarettes...whatever it is, this broad makes me itch just looking @ her...and dont even get me started on those over-stuffed monstrosities she calls breasts..uhh..i cant take any more...

These are the only ones I have to add to the RLIB @ the moment...but Ill probably be making additions in the near future stay tuned...

~DIVA

Pics From Spirit of Life Event....

Tons of celebs hit the Spirit of Life Event, honoring Universal CEO Doug Morris that took place on Wednesday.

Including Will I Am's wack a**..( i cant stand him and his pseudo-intellectual, "musical genius" facade.....)moving on...and of course the blackest brother left on the planet...Akon...Hey, dont get me wrong I LOVE.. LOVE an uber-black man.....DARKNESS!!<

Erykah Badu performed...wearing a getup that I can only describe as hobo-chic?? I love her but...Im still not sure if Erykah is even legally sane or not..I got some people on that though...

and of course Keyshia was there too....not to be outdone by Erykah's antics...this heffa showed up wearing this trave-sham-ockery of a dress...Looks like the seamstress was half done w/ it and just threw her hands up like, "fu*k it...its not like Oprah is gonna be wearing this ish..." Either that or there was a sale @ Sears....

and speaking of a trave-sham-ockery .....*rubbing my temples in frustration* ...next

And what random celebrity event would be complete w/o an appearance by everybody's favorite hip-pop star...Rhianna...Still dont know how I feel about that hair cut, but the dress suits her..I was kinda giving her side eyes for the snakeskin bag and leopard belt...but whatever

President Carter made an appearance as well...Looking dapper in his tux..but also looking like some 'Olay Regenerist' might be in order. Hov is starting to look a little long in the tooth :o\

And last but certainly not least Robin Thicke performed as well....This cat has got me seriously considering dating a white guy...I finally broke down and bought his CD yesterday....and like some Mickie D's...Im Lovin It! Yall need to check it out as well....

To Swag or Not to Swag.....

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o)

I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their A game swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

OPI Unveils "La Collection"

OPI...One of my FAVORITE nail color brands presents its line of fashion forward fall colors that are sure to make any haute girl take notice. With names like, "YOU DON'T KNOW JACQUES!" and "TICKLE MY FRANCE-Y" and hues spanning from the deepest plums to the faintest of lilacs...there's no way you won't find a color you adore in this line. I love wearing those deep vampy shades on my toes this time of year. Pair that look with a pair of hot peep toe pumps and you've got a look that'll make the guys say, "Oui Oui!"

And the "Queen Hater" Award Goes To...

So looks like in addition to being comepletely talentless and just about the tackiest woman to hit the small screen this Millenium, Miss "New York" AKA Tiffany Pollard can now be crowned the Queen Hater. Apparently since Punk from "I Love New York" decided to upgrade from trashy to classy by proposing to Jennifer Hudson, she's had this to say: "Its a mixed match...it won't work". ??? Riiiiiight..Kinda like the match between a classless, obnoxious chicken head in bad makeup and worse clothes and an attractive Harvard grad? *side eyes* Im sure that the fact that New York has issues with the engagement has nothing to do with the fact that "Punk" has moved on to be with one of the most gifted and respected women in her field and that she's stuck doing go sees at bootleg casting companies for less than fabulous roles in bogus low budget films...Maybe if she took off some of that horrific eye makeup and found her way to a charm school she'd be able to get a decent man and a perhaps legitmate career; Thereby not allowing so much spare time to spend sitting around stewing over someone who is CLEARLY not thinking about her...

Now Im not saying that the engagement is totally legit...cuz Lord knows I was like WTF?? when it first hit the headlines...but thats no excuse for this broad to go around giving her unsolicited (hateful) two cents. Especially after having been jilted by Flava Flav?? She is clearly not an authority on the subject of long lasting relationships or well-matched couples.

PS...Im still waiting on the show "I Hate New York" When they do the casting for that one..Im there..

Here's to putting chicks in their place..

-Diva

Men Tell It Like It Is (Or Isnt) In the Latest Issue of ESSENCE...

So If youre looking to get inside the mind of your man the ESSENCE article, "What Black Men Wish Black Women Knew (But Don't Tell Them)" might just fit the bill. In it brothers are dishing on everything from sex to their finances. Apprently we all need to be perking up our ears for this one. For instance in response to the all too common, "Why wont you talk to me??", one brother offers this gem of wisdom:


"Silence doesn't mean that I'm bored with you."
This is for the woman who thinks her man's quiet nature is a sign the relationship is in trouble. Silence to a Black man does not mean we have run out of things to talk about or we're unhappy with you. It actually means we're so comfortable around you that we don't feel the need to say anything at all.
On quiet Sunday afternoons, some men don't like to interact with anyone outside of their home, and they don't want to be in work mode. Some guys cut their cell phone off to avoid talking to family and friends about anything. There are those times when we just want to do nothing and say nothing. (And yes, playing Madden NFL on our Xbox counts.) I love when I am in my woman's company relaxing and not feeling the need to show her "attention." I'm on the couch watching a movie and she's at the other end reading a book. On our chill days, the silence is usually broken with one of us saying, "I'm hungry." Then we just stare at each other because we're both too lazy to move.

Yeah....Im thinking of heading the Walgreens to pick up a copy asap

Here's to getting the inside scoop..

Layla's new little bundle

Presenting Layla Ali's new little munchkin..This could quite possibly be the most precious thing Ive seen..ever..And how bad am I hating on her for having a beautiful baby AND her body back like 8 days later?? Say it with me now, "awwwwww" Aint love grand??? :o)