Steve Harvey Can Kick Rocks...And Here's Why

Ok...I dont know about you all but I am COMPLETELY over Steve Harvey and his attempt at yet another 'girlfriend here is what you need to do to get yo'self a good man how-to-guide'. Everytime I turn around theres some damn debate about its validity, discussion on how 'important it is', or radio/tv show centered around it. For the record Im still clueless as to how this negro even got nominated to speak for black men in general, or for that matter why the hell a former cheater, twice divorced (i think??) guy fresh out of a mid life crisis is considered an authority on fidelity and successful black relationships. Really?...REALLY?!

Im thinking that looking to this man to solve all your realationship woes with this random piece of lonely women propoganda is about as smart as looking to Michael Vick's canine expertise to judge the next Westminster Kennel Club dog show...Highly unwise, and lets face it a little dangerous. The day we start looking to books, dvds and predatory "last chance for love" dating websites for advice on how to find love is the day that we should just throw in the towel once and for all.

No book, regardless of the author is going to guarantee any level of happiness, fidelity or longevity in a relationship. So all you ladies busily highlighting passages in this man's book and committing them to memory for future reference are wasting your time. Doing so is an excercise in futility. You may as well toss some coins in a fountain and make a wish for true love. If I can find one sister who read this book and got a single ounce of information out of it that her mother, friends, or random older woman at church last sunday didnt already try to impart to hyer on countless occasions throughout her life, Ill stand corrected. Otherwise Im thinking the title of this book should basically be, "Ish You Already Know About Men And Pretend Not To".

We all know when we meet a brother in the first 30 days (less if he's really a piece of work) whether we need to invest our time or take a pass. Whether we listen to our gut or not is another story, but I think we've all had one of those 'this might be a problem' light bulbs go on early in the game and decided to proceed regardless. However on the other hand, seeing as how we often meet a man's 'representative' initially, its easy to find yourself caught up before knowing what youre really getting. Nevertheless in either case, you have to learn from the situation and promptly move on. And for those women who habitually seek out men who are bad for them, save your $20...its very simple STOP DOING THAT. Start to seek out men who arent controlling, abusive, lying jackasses..its that simple. Surely you dont need a book to advise you of that, and if you do, might I suggest some therapy to discover what the REAL issue is at hand...Seriously.

So in closing Id just like to say for the record that while Im sure Mr. Harvey's literary equivalent to a Zagat's guide to the Black Male Psyche is entertaining...you need to treat it as just such. It should in NO way be looked upon as the answer to all your dating prayers or a one way ticket to 'Loveville'. You can't read Cliff's Notes and then think youre suddenly well-versed in Shakespeare. (Have we learned nothing from the Cosby Show?) We all have to kiss a few frogs ladies...but eventually if youre open to love, mature, mentally stable, and reasonable....be patient..your prince will come....And you wont need a book to know how to recognize him.

Here's to being realistic about love...

The DIVA :o)

The bottom

....Checking Your Swag

Due to some recent inspiration Ive decided to repost this from last year for the newer readers...

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o) I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their 'A game' swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself, will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

Here's to those who aspire to flyness....

NUVO...the latest man-law violation.....

Ok seriously yall..Am I the only one already fed up with the Nuvo craze?? I mean really everytime I go out Im bombarded with images of people revelling in its sticky, pink sweetness..and I cant figure out why. Is it because on EVERY SINGLE video they play on BET these days theres at least 17 contrived instances of cats posing with a bottle of it or over-pouring it into some random chick's glass? I think so...But more bothersome than the abundance of it in both video and real life party scenes is the fact that I see WAY too many dudes drinking it!

Now I understand that a large number of black folks tend to be followers particularly when it comes to hip hop/video culture but this is one thing that clearly should have set off the 'man law violation' alarm. Brothers: it is not a good look for you to be popping bottles of ANYTHING that is hot pink in color...let alone that oddly resembles a damn tube of lipstick/perfume bottle. Suspect as hell if you ask me...Im arguably one of the prissiest sistahs you'll meet and even I dont drink Nuvo...

What I wanna know is how some random Nuvo execs, got cats like Kanye West and T Pain to be basically doing commercials for this mess when 1. its not even that good...and 2. uhhh its pink?? what the hell? Im guessing the meeting went something like this:

Random NUVO Exec #1 (RNE1) and Random NUVO Exec #2 (NNE2) are in a glitzy office surrounded by maribou covered lamps and rhinestone studded desk accessories..

RNE1: So Francois...how DO you think we'll be able to saturate the African Americn urban market with this delightfully fruity goodness we call NUVO?

RNE2: Well Jacques you know as well as I do how much of an impact videos have on their consumption of damn near everything from chicken to sneakers...All we have to do is feature a few strategically placed bottles in anything that TPain's involved in and voila! He's the second most popular black figure next to Barrack Obama!..And dont worry about that whole "will people think Im gay?" thing when it comes to the men...Theres no way that a correlation can be drawn between indulging in our fruity pink concocotion so long as Tpain is seen drinking it...After all he 'goes hard' right?? *pretentious laughter*

RNE1: Splendid...lucky for me Ive got BET on speed dial..

Well Im not saying that it happened exactly this way but I imagine it wasnt far removed....But I digress...The point of this little sattire?? To let you dudes know that when women see you @ the club drinking NUVO...youre probably getting the side eyes...And for good reason..In the manly drink department, NUVO on the rocks rates about a .5 on a scale of 1-10...Opt for something a little stiffer...darker and more appropriate..a Vodka tonic wouldnt kill you...And for pete's sake if you see your boy about to make this fatal mistake PLEASE stop him...not just for you but for the betterment of the black community...The last thing we need is another brother perpetrating in the club...

This has been a Diva Service Announcement

That is all..

Here's to not letting BET dictate what you order at the bar...CHEERS

How Are You Living??

Ok so I was having an interesting conversation with my girl just now discussing the impact other people's thoughts and opinions have on how we live. I had to ask myself...do I care what other people think about me or do I always do what makes me happy and ignore the 'nay sayers'?? The answer on my part is...well sometimes...but only to a healthy degree. I mean I definitely care whether others think of me as a good person, a great friend, someone they value, but in the grand scheme of things in terms of how I choose to live my life, I could give a damn what other may have to say. Its suffices to say that I care what people think...just not necessarily enough for that that have any bearing on the decisions I make for myself. Im someone who rarely seeks advice. I may confide in a friend about a situation but the words, "Tell me what I should do girl" youll never hear me utter.

Now most people, women more specifically dont subscribe to this line of thinking. I think that too many women either dont trust themselves enough or are too fearful to live their lives the way that they want. They care TOO much about what other people think to make any decision without the constant worry that someone else is going to disapprove and judge them accordingly. Rather than just doing what they think is right for them, they go against their gut and do what they think will gain the approval of, or ward off the side-eyes and 'tisk-tisk' finger pointing of their peers. If you ask me that mess is for the birds. Making decisions in your life based on what someone else may or may not have to say about it is not only ridiculous, its poor judgment all the way around. Doing so usually causes you to live a life that is so 'safe' it pretty much bores you to tears for one, and leads to bitterness and shoulda-woulda-couldas for two.

Now dont get me wrong a healty sense of conscience and self preservation is imperative. Dont take what Im saying to mean, "hey girl, go out into the world and make bunch of bad decisions, ruin your credit and sleep with all the wrong men" all under the guise of 'living carefree' and not taking into account the importance of excercising good judgement. The truth of the matter is, if you live your life in a way that only attracts negative attention its probably a good indication that maybe your life is basically out of control. In which case you may need to check yourself. I always say that theres a fine line between being hated on and just being plain old hated; but of course that line is relative to every woman's personal life experiences.

The moral of the story boys and girls is this: Like the song says, 'Live Your Life' ...just be sure that its one you can be proud of...and not one you'll later regret.

Here's to carpe diem peeps!!

The diva :o)

Adele: The Smoothest White Girl You've Never Heard Of

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty eclectic taste in music...My collection includes everything from the WuTang Clan to Coldplay...and now I have a new artist to add to this musical gumbo of sorts: up and coming British songstress Adele. Those of you (with open minds) who saw her on the Grammys know shes truly talented. Her vocal style is a delicious mix of soulful jazz tones, combined with an almost folk music appeal. Its like she's the love child of Etta James and the Mamas and the Papas. Her sound and lyrics are honest, pure and unpretentious. Theres no overly glammed up chick flouncing around screaming about nothing or pointlessly gyrating to distract you from the fact that she has NO talent...No gimmicky outfits or unnecessary pyrotechnic displays....Just unadulterated good music...At only 19 Adele's old soul has a lot to say and my ears are wide open. Check out her album, its in stores now..For a quick preview you can check her out for yourself right here:


http://www.myspace.com/adelelondon





here's to broadened musical horizons


~The Diva :o)

Romance: "I Aint Dead Yet!"

'"Romance is dead" ..That's what they said while sitting around cheating at pool..At the very last frame of this 9 ball game..the one who had the date at the top of the Empire State..is the one who got hustled...like a fool..'

Those of you who found that poem immediately familiar might remember it from one of my faves, "Love Jones." And in light of the fact that Valentines Day is upon us...it brings me to today's blog topic: Is Romance Truly Dead?

If you spend as much time watching random reality tv shows as most of America seems to these days you would be inclined to think that not only romance but true love itself was dead. With shows like "I Love New York", "Flavor of Love" and Vh1's latest television travesty "For the Love of Ray J" you have to wonder. And how ridiculous is the premise of these shows anyway? I mean really. You have random men and women who have never even met these stars dropping whatever they have going on (which usually isnt much I guess) and traveling from all over the country to fight for the attention/affections of admitted philanderers, and talentless celeb wannabes all proclaiming their sincere love and loyalty?? Riiiight.....*smirk of disbelief* Whats a diva to think??

The problem that I have with these shows is that they perpetuate the vlaues of quantity over quality, booties/breasts over brains and Mr./Ms. Right Now over Mr./Ms. Right. I do not even know how many times Ive seen someone on one of these shows send home the guy with a degree, proper grammar and some basic decorum opting instead for the 'bad boy' devoid of any goals...or struggle with the decsion of whether to keep the not so former stripper with nothing to offer with the exception of a big behind vs the self made entrepreneur who refuses to demonstrate her 'booty clapping ability' just to boost the ratings. Sad as it sounds, I know some people look at shows like this and get a dangerously false impression of whats considered acceptable when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex on an intimate level. If you ask me the classics still work and fighting to the death on national tv to get some stupid man/woman who's trying to create or revive their career is NOT a display of love or romance, despite what they say after handing out that much coveted last rose/glass of champagne/ridiculous bedazzled necklace during those elimination ceremonies.

All the blingage and over the top bravado works for about 10 min with the least discriminating of women, however if you aspire to a woman of substance or above average intelligence, you're going to have to dig deeper...and not necessarily into your pockets.

Ask any real woman and she'll confirm for you that the little things count. A compliment on her hair, reminding her how sexy she is with a little kiss before heading out to work, an impromptu foot rub while watching TV...are all great examples of displays of romance that speak more to intimacy rather than sex and cost absolutely nothing. Now that's not to say that a gift every now and again isn't warranted or appreciated, just that you don't need to do that just to show that you care.

And of course ladies in all fairness, I cant just let us off the hook. We are responsible for keeping the romance going as well. Men are usually pretty easy to please contrary to popular belief so little things score big points. Give him a back rub when you know he's had a hard day without demanding that he talk about it, leave him a little note to tell him that you love him, or get up off your behind and cook something for once! And of course you can take a few notes from Usher's 'Trading Places' if you really want to throw him for a loop. Spontaneity + Intimacy is always a good thing.

Hopefully this blog has inspired some of you to unearth the romance that we thought was dead and buried. I hope your Valentines days are filled with plenty of romance that's alive and kicking!

Here's to the resurrection of romance :o)

~The Diva

Cheaters Never Prosper....

Ok....so I know I havent been writing for the past month or so..and for those of you who actually read this blog..my apologies :o) Ive been a little out of sorts these days and havent been able to get in any serious blogging time...Hopefully all of that is behind me and I can get back on the grind effective immediately....Now with that out the way...my latest blog...

I have a few male friends...some who are ex-boyfriends, some whom I've never dated...and some who inexplicably ended up in the friend zone but have proven to be very close to me. We talk these male friends and I, about all kinds of things...sports (when I can tolerate it), curent events, politics, and relationships. Some claim to be in loving committed relationships, others are constantly trying to find an out because their significant others are slowly driving them insane, and others cheat...constantly. Whats interesting to me is how some men are able to make excuses for their cheating and in some cases do so unapologetically.

For alot of men I think cheating is something they feel they are driven to do by mates who lack the excitement, sexual audacity and overall stimulation needed to keep them from wandering. But what entrigues me even more is how vastly the definition of cheating differs between men and women and moreover person to person.

In my opinion you can certatinly cheat without anyone ever even getting naked. Cheating for me is more about the level of intimacy being shared rather than the act itself. Id feel far more hurt

and betrayed by a man for engaging in long late night phone conversations when I can never get him to open up to me than I would if I found out about his drunken night of sex with an old flame. Its about him sharing himself with another woman in a way that he wont with me. For those of you who remember the movie, "Brown Sugar" that was the issue between Nicole Parker and Taye Diggs. He opened up to Sanaa Lathan's character, about his life and dreams etc and wouldnt do so with his own wife....The jig was finally up when it was discovered that all that time the two were actually in love with eachother. Intimacy can be a dangerous thing once shared with someone who should be off-limits.

Allowing someone into your relationship in that way when youre committed to someone else is akin to inviting your worst enemy to your house for dinner. No matter how great the meal was everyone eventually feels uncomfortable, you feel like an idiot when you cant figure out why you invited them in the first place..but once they arrive the damage is done so youre forced deal with them until they make their exit. Afterall you cant invite someone to dinner and then just ask them to leave when you decide they've had enough right?

Of course there is something to be said for people making mistakes but its no mistake when you go to your ex's house totally planning to sleep with them...You sought out the situation and should be fully prepared to accept the unavoidable consequences which are sure to follow.

So men (and women, cause lord knows we cheat as well) the next time youre engaged in some situation that youre pretty sure you couldnt get away with if your significant other was within eyeshot, think twice...you may be doing something you'll end up regretting later.

Here's to knowing what you have at home...

The Diva

Well well well....here it is a brand new year...I just dont know where the time went...Its been nearly a month since Ive written anything and I hardly know where to begin...Wait, yes I do. I think Ill begin with some words of wisdom on how to make 2009 better than 2008. If you follow this little list youre sure to end on a high note. Its completely fool-proof trust me. Im big into lists so here goes:

1. Get your finances in order...If you were broke all the time in 2008..figure out why and get on top of the situation..If that means getting a new job, giving up some non-essentials or just excercising some plain old restraint...MAKE IT HAPPEN...life is too short to be held back from what you want to do just because of financial limitations..Now dont get me wrong you have to know the difference between needing and wanting...but so long as you find that balance and you can still pay your bills...figure youre on the right track

2. Cut people off...anyone who is toxic, unsupportive, unmotivated dead-weight, or otherwise worthless in your life...DELETE them...Again life is too short...and this includes worthless men/women who dont reciprocate your love..your misery loves company homegirl and your boy who just cant seem to get out of their mama's basement. Try to surround yourself with positive people who encourage your growth and happiness...not people who are still doing the same thing they were doing when you met them....(nuthin) If you lay with dogs eventually you'll get up with fleas...bad habits are contagious..

3. Take charge of your health..this is a hard one for me ...im always telling people I have an eating disorder that makes me crave junk :o) But its about baby steps....dont tell yourself that you'll never eat anything unhealthy ever again....take on small changes that can be incorporated into your daily life over time...start drinking more water...cut down on the fried foods and maybe consider taking vitamins to compensate for where your diet falls short..it doesnt take long to start feeling the difference...and most importantly visit your doctor at least annually to make sure youre in tip top shape..

4. Be peaceful....this is from a spiritual as well as a physical standpoint...Stop allowing yourself to be pulled into drama that will lead to nothing but stress onyour part..Look for every opportunity you can to get some peace and just be still sometimes...Occassionally I just like to turn off my cell phone and read, listen to music or watch a movie totally undisturbed...It helps me from wigging out as often as I ordinarily would...and along those same lines, allow your body to get the rest it needs...Lack of sleep not only contributes to health issues...but ladies..it ages you as well..so instead of staying up all night watching random mess on tv (which Ive again been guilty of myself) take your butt to bed...try a sleeping mask too.....Once I did, I wondered how I ever slept without one...

5. Find a hobby...ladies this does not include shopping :o) Find something you like and want to learn more about, or something you'd like to learn from scratch...Mine was golf last year...this year who knows...but the point is everyone needs a hobby..something that just serves to give you some enjoyment and an outlet for stress...and two other perk?? its a great way to meet new people and it makes for good conversation when you find someone else who is also interested in it...which is always cool..

Well all in all thats about it..2009 should be about progress, prosperity and positivity..Anything that cant be incorporated under one of those themes is a no-no...I hope I gave someone some words to live by..

Heres to fresh beginnings!!
Diva :o)