getting some things off my chest

Well people...its been almost a year since i blogged..i barely even remember to do it! That said i think its obvious that some catching up is in oder...There are two things that i have a bit of an attitude about these days and i just wanted to take this opportunity to vent about them..via my blog..i mean afterall that is its purpose right? so here goes...First i want to talk about all the hoopla surrounding Tiger and his 'let me come across as regretful so i dont lose ALL my endorsements' press conference...I dont give a damn that Tiger cheated on his wife...let me just clear that up right now..What that man does in his marriage means less than nothing to me..The only thing I have an opinion about is the sincerity of this 'pblic apology'...I cant begin to find a reason for the public to need an apology for a private indescretion...That would be like me cussing out my mama and then going to work and letting my boss and co workers know how sorry I am for what I did..Who really gives a damn about Tiger's endless parade of random jumpoffs? From what Ive seen in the media none of them were exactly top notch or highly sought after...There are hookers in Las Vegas who have more class and sophistication than some of these chicks..and to top it off theyre not broke as a joke..joke being the word to focus on in this scenario...because thats exactly what this whole situation is to me: a joke...Tiger is only sorry he was caught quite literally with his pants down...and nothing more..The fact that he wanted to go public with this apology of his all the while refusing to actually having to answer any questions, instead of simply allowing it to remain a private matter b/w a man and his wife, tells me that there is clearly an ulterior motive at hand..And the words damage control seem to be more than appropriate...My advice to Tiger is simple: Sit your ass down somewhere, man up and make your situation right...and feel free NOT to subject us to any more contrived self serving displays of remorse...no one is interested..

Moving on to this ZTA stepshow debacle...now...initially i didnt have any issue whatsoever with these girls stepping in the sprite step off..i was of course later appalled as i watched one of the girls on MTV all but call out the AKA sorors in a not so friendly competition sort of way...now this was a problem for me for two reasons: 1. how are a bunch of chicks who i would refer to as moderately coordinated former high school cheer squad members at best gonna have the gall to try to call out MY sorors?!...and 2. after hearing some of their commentary i kinda felt like the sprite step off wasnt the place for them afterall..im just gonna put it out there..

now i know reading that it sounds like im being prejudiced but really Im not...this gripe is about staying in your lane from a cultural standpoint...i feel like when it comes to things that are linked to a specific culture's traditions and customs its viewed as a bit insulting and borderline disrepectful when someone from a different culture, race or whatever tries to adopt it for themselves for trivial reasons or worse with no reverence being given to the importance of its origin...To me stepping is something that represents the black greek experience with its origins being deepy rooted in the african experience dating back to slavery and even further..and there is no way you can tell me that a step team of girls, none of whom are even african american, can truly appreciate this form to the extent that they should...My feeling after hearing the girls talk about participating in the show was that they felt that stepping was "cool" and they basically wanted to be hailed as the "white girls who beat the black girls at their own game"...leaning of course to the novelty of the situation to put them over the top...Now if youre going to participate fine..but dont come with an air of entitlement about something that you should feel priveledged to do...

When i was in college I had an Indian roommate for awhile and Im sure she would have had a problem if she had come home from class one day to find me prancing around the dorm room in a sari while listening to Hindi music...And me doing so without making an effort to learn her culture or show her that i had a genuine appreciation for it would have and SHOULD have been viewed as out of line, and insensitive with regards to her ethnic background...

ANd i must say that I think its a bit questionable that due to some "scoring error" the first place prize which was awarded to ZTA initially is now being shared with the AKAs who many have commented should have been the winners in the first place...If you ask me...theyre simply giving them their just due..clearly there is no way in the WORLD ZTA was the rightful winner of that competion but as long as AKA got recognized as putting on a phenomenal show, i can accept that..But for the record ZTA: i hope youre grateful for the experience..and that you know that stepping is not just about prize money or bragging rights...its something that MEANS a great deal more specifically within the black greek community and the next time you find yourself on a stage with any of MY sorors..or any sorors for that matter ...you might wanna seriously consider approaching it as such...

thats it...im done..and im going to bed..

The Diva

Steve Harvey Can Kick Rocks...And Here's Why

Ok...I dont know about you all but I am COMPLETELY over Steve Harvey and his attempt at yet another 'girlfriend here is what you need to do to get yo'self a good man how-to-guide'. Everytime I turn around theres some damn debate about its validity, discussion on how 'important it is', or radio/tv show centered around it. For the record Im still clueless as to how this negro even got nominated to speak for black men in general, or for that matter why the hell a former cheater, twice divorced (i think??) guy fresh out of a mid life crisis is considered an authority on fidelity and successful black relationships. Really?...REALLY?!

Im thinking that looking to this man to solve all your realationship woes with this random piece of lonely women propoganda is about as smart as looking to Michael Vick's canine expertise to judge the next Westminster Kennel Club dog show...Highly unwise, and lets face it a little dangerous. The day we start looking to books, dvds and predatory "last chance for love" dating websites for advice on how to find love is the day that we should just throw in the towel once and for all.

No book, regardless of the author is going to guarantee any level of happiness, fidelity or longevity in a relationship. So all you ladies busily highlighting passages in this man's book and committing them to memory for future reference are wasting your time. Doing so is an excercise in futility. You may as well toss some coins in a fountain and make a wish for true love. If I can find one sister who read this book and got a single ounce of information out of it that her mother, friends, or random older woman at church last sunday didnt already try to impart to hyer on countless occasions throughout her life, Ill stand corrected. Otherwise Im thinking the title of this book should basically be, "Ish You Already Know About Men And Pretend Not To".

We all know when we meet a brother in the first 30 days (less if he's really a piece of work) whether we need to invest our time or take a pass. Whether we listen to our gut or not is another story, but I think we've all had one of those 'this might be a problem' light bulbs go on early in the game and decided to proceed regardless. However on the other hand, seeing as how we often meet a man's 'representative' initially, its easy to find yourself caught up before knowing what youre really getting. Nevertheless in either case, you have to learn from the situation and promptly move on. And for those women who habitually seek out men who are bad for them, save your $20...its very simple STOP DOING THAT. Start to seek out men who arent controlling, abusive, lying jackasses..its that simple. Surely you dont need a book to advise you of that, and if you do, might I suggest some therapy to discover what the REAL issue is at hand...Seriously.

So in closing Id just like to say for the record that while Im sure Mr. Harvey's literary equivalent to a Zagat's guide to the Black Male Psyche is entertaining...you need to treat it as just such. It should in NO way be looked upon as the answer to all your dating prayers or a one way ticket to 'Loveville'. You can't read Cliff's Notes and then think youre suddenly well-versed in Shakespeare. (Have we learned nothing from the Cosby Show?) We all have to kiss a few frogs ladies...but eventually if youre open to love, mature, mentally stable, and reasonable....be patient..your prince will come....And you wont need a book to know how to recognize him.

Here's to being realistic about love...

The DIVA :o)

The bottom

....Checking Your Swag

Due to some recent inspiration Ive decided to repost this from last year for the newer readers...

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o) I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their 'A game' swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself, will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

Here's to those who aspire to flyness....

NUVO...the latest man-law violation.....

Ok seriously yall..Am I the only one already fed up with the Nuvo craze?? I mean really everytime I go out Im bombarded with images of people revelling in its sticky, pink sweetness..and I cant figure out why. Is it because on EVERY SINGLE video they play on BET these days theres at least 17 contrived instances of cats posing with a bottle of it or over-pouring it into some random chick's glass? I think so...But more bothersome than the abundance of it in both video and real life party scenes is the fact that I see WAY too many dudes drinking it!

Now I understand that a large number of black folks tend to be followers particularly when it comes to hip hop/video culture but this is one thing that clearly should have set off the 'man law violation' alarm. Brothers: it is not a good look for you to be popping bottles of ANYTHING that is hot pink in color...let alone that oddly resembles a damn tube of lipstick/perfume bottle. Suspect as hell if you ask me...Im arguably one of the prissiest sistahs you'll meet and even I dont drink Nuvo...

What I wanna know is how some random Nuvo execs, got cats like Kanye West and T Pain to be basically doing commercials for this mess when 1. its not even that good...and 2. uhhh its pink?? what the hell? Im guessing the meeting went something like this:

Random NUVO Exec #1 (RNE1) and Random NUVO Exec #2 (NNE2) are in a glitzy office surrounded by maribou covered lamps and rhinestone studded desk accessories..

RNE1: So Francois...how DO you think we'll be able to saturate the African Americn urban market with this delightfully fruity goodness we call NUVO?

RNE2: Well Jacques you know as well as I do how much of an impact videos have on their consumption of damn near everything from chicken to sneakers...All we have to do is feature a few strategically placed bottles in anything that TPain's involved in and voila! He's the second most popular black figure next to Barrack Obama!..And dont worry about that whole "will people think Im gay?" thing when it comes to the men...Theres no way that a correlation can be drawn between indulging in our fruity pink concocotion so long as Tpain is seen drinking it...After all he 'goes hard' right?? *pretentious laughter*

RNE1: Splendid...lucky for me Ive got BET on speed dial..

Well Im not saying that it happened exactly this way but I imagine it wasnt far removed....But I digress...The point of this little sattire?? To let you dudes know that when women see you @ the club drinking NUVO...youre probably getting the side eyes...And for good reason..In the manly drink department, NUVO on the rocks rates about a .5 on a scale of 1-10...Opt for something a little stiffer...darker and more appropriate..a Vodka tonic wouldnt kill you...And for pete's sake if you see your boy about to make this fatal mistake PLEASE stop him...not just for you but for the betterment of the black community...The last thing we need is another brother perpetrating in the club...

This has been a Diva Service Announcement

That is all..

Here's to not letting BET dictate what you order at the bar...CHEERS

How Are You Living??

Ok so I was having an interesting conversation with my girl just now discussing the impact other people's thoughts and opinions have on how we live. I had to ask myself...do I care what other people think about me or do I always do what makes me happy and ignore the 'nay sayers'?? The answer on my part is...well sometimes...but only to a healthy degree. I mean I definitely care whether others think of me as a good person, a great friend, someone they value, but in the grand scheme of things in terms of how I choose to live my life, I could give a damn what other may have to say. Its suffices to say that I care what people think...just not necessarily enough for that that have any bearing on the decisions I make for myself. Im someone who rarely seeks advice. I may confide in a friend about a situation but the words, "Tell me what I should do girl" youll never hear me utter.

Now most people, women more specifically dont subscribe to this line of thinking. I think that too many women either dont trust themselves enough or are too fearful to live their lives the way that they want. They care TOO much about what other people think to make any decision without the constant worry that someone else is going to disapprove and judge them accordingly. Rather than just doing what they think is right for them, they go against their gut and do what they think will gain the approval of, or ward off the side-eyes and 'tisk-tisk' finger pointing of their peers. If you ask me that mess is for the birds. Making decisions in your life based on what someone else may or may not have to say about it is not only ridiculous, its poor judgment all the way around. Doing so usually causes you to live a life that is so 'safe' it pretty much bores you to tears for one, and leads to bitterness and shoulda-woulda-couldas for two.

Now dont get me wrong a healty sense of conscience and self preservation is imperative. Dont take what Im saying to mean, "hey girl, go out into the world and make bunch of bad decisions, ruin your credit and sleep with all the wrong men" all under the guise of 'living carefree' and not taking into account the importance of excercising good judgement. The truth of the matter is, if you live your life in a way that only attracts negative attention its probably a good indication that maybe your life is basically out of control. In which case you may need to check yourself. I always say that theres a fine line between being hated on and just being plain old hated; but of course that line is relative to every woman's personal life experiences.

The moral of the story boys and girls is this: Like the song says, 'Live Your Life' ...just be sure that its one you can be proud of...and not one you'll later regret.

Here's to carpe diem peeps!!

The diva :o)

Adele: The Smoothest White Girl You've Never Heard Of

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty eclectic taste in music...My collection includes everything from the WuTang Clan to Coldplay...and now I have a new artist to add to this musical gumbo of sorts: up and coming British songstress Adele. Those of you (with open minds) who saw her on the Grammys know shes truly talented. Her vocal style is a delicious mix of soulful jazz tones, combined with an almost folk music appeal. Its like she's the love child of Etta James and the Mamas and the Papas. Her sound and lyrics are honest, pure and unpretentious. Theres no overly glammed up chick flouncing around screaming about nothing or pointlessly gyrating to distract you from the fact that she has NO talent...No gimmicky outfits or unnecessary pyrotechnic displays....Just unadulterated good music...At only 19 Adele's old soul has a lot to say and my ears are wide open. Check out her album, its in stores now..For a quick preview you can check her out for yourself right here:


http://www.myspace.com/adelelondon





here's to broadened musical horizons


~The Diva :o)

Romance: "I Aint Dead Yet!"

'"Romance is dead" ..That's what they said while sitting around cheating at pool..At the very last frame of this 9 ball game..the one who had the date at the top of the Empire State..is the one who got hustled...like a fool..'

Those of you who found that poem immediately familiar might remember it from one of my faves, "Love Jones." And in light of the fact that Valentines Day is upon us...it brings me to today's blog topic: Is Romance Truly Dead?

If you spend as much time watching random reality tv shows as most of America seems to these days you would be inclined to think that not only romance but true love itself was dead. With shows like "I Love New York", "Flavor of Love" and Vh1's latest television travesty "For the Love of Ray J" you have to wonder. And how ridiculous is the premise of these shows anyway? I mean really. You have random men and women who have never even met these stars dropping whatever they have going on (which usually isnt much I guess) and traveling from all over the country to fight for the attention/affections of admitted philanderers, and talentless celeb wannabes all proclaiming their sincere love and loyalty?? Riiiight.....*smirk of disbelief* Whats a diva to think??

The problem that I have with these shows is that they perpetuate the vlaues of quantity over quality, booties/breasts over brains and Mr./Ms. Right Now over Mr./Ms. Right. I do not even know how many times Ive seen someone on one of these shows send home the guy with a degree, proper grammar and some basic decorum opting instead for the 'bad boy' devoid of any goals...or struggle with the decsion of whether to keep the not so former stripper with nothing to offer with the exception of a big behind vs the self made entrepreneur who refuses to demonstrate her 'booty clapping ability' just to boost the ratings. Sad as it sounds, I know some people look at shows like this and get a dangerously false impression of whats considered acceptable when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex on an intimate level. If you ask me the classics still work and fighting to the death on national tv to get some stupid man/woman who's trying to create or revive their career is NOT a display of love or romance, despite what they say after handing out that much coveted last rose/glass of champagne/ridiculous bedazzled necklace during those elimination ceremonies.

All the blingage and over the top bravado works for about 10 min with the least discriminating of women, however if you aspire to a woman of substance or above average intelligence, you're going to have to dig deeper...and not necessarily into your pockets.

Ask any real woman and she'll confirm for you that the little things count. A compliment on her hair, reminding her how sexy she is with a little kiss before heading out to work, an impromptu foot rub while watching TV...are all great examples of displays of romance that speak more to intimacy rather than sex and cost absolutely nothing. Now that's not to say that a gift every now and again isn't warranted or appreciated, just that you don't need to do that just to show that you care.

And of course ladies in all fairness, I cant just let us off the hook. We are responsible for keeping the romance going as well. Men are usually pretty easy to please contrary to popular belief so little things score big points. Give him a back rub when you know he's had a hard day without demanding that he talk about it, leave him a little note to tell him that you love him, or get up off your behind and cook something for once! And of course you can take a few notes from Usher's 'Trading Places' if you really want to throw him for a loop. Spontaneity + Intimacy is always a good thing.

Hopefully this blog has inspired some of you to unearth the romance that we thought was dead and buried. I hope your Valentines days are filled with plenty of romance that's alive and kicking!

Here's to the resurrection of romance :o)

~The Diva

Cheaters Never Prosper....

Ok....so I know I havent been writing for the past month or so..and for those of you who actually read this blog..my apologies :o) Ive been a little out of sorts these days and havent been able to get in any serious blogging time...Hopefully all of that is behind me and I can get back on the grind effective immediately....Now with that out the way...my latest blog...

I have a few male friends...some who are ex-boyfriends, some whom I've never dated...and some who inexplicably ended up in the friend zone but have proven to be very close to me. We talk these male friends and I, about all kinds of things...sports (when I can tolerate it), curent events, politics, and relationships. Some claim to be in loving committed relationships, others are constantly trying to find an out because their significant others are slowly driving them insane, and others cheat...constantly. Whats interesting to me is how some men are able to make excuses for their cheating and in some cases do so unapologetically.

For alot of men I think cheating is something they feel they are driven to do by mates who lack the excitement, sexual audacity and overall stimulation needed to keep them from wandering. But what entrigues me even more is how vastly the definition of cheating differs between men and women and moreover person to person.

In my opinion you can certatinly cheat without anyone ever even getting naked. Cheating for me is more about the level of intimacy being shared rather than the act itself. Id feel far more hurt

and betrayed by a man for engaging in long late night phone conversations when I can never get him to open up to me than I would if I found out about his drunken night of sex with an old flame. Its about him sharing himself with another woman in a way that he wont with me. For those of you who remember the movie, "Brown Sugar" that was the issue between Nicole Parker and Taye Diggs. He opened up to Sanaa Lathan's character, about his life and dreams etc and wouldnt do so with his own wife....The jig was finally up when it was discovered that all that time the two were actually in love with eachother. Intimacy can be a dangerous thing once shared with someone who should be off-limits.

Allowing someone into your relationship in that way when youre committed to someone else is akin to inviting your worst enemy to your house for dinner. No matter how great the meal was everyone eventually feels uncomfortable, you feel like an idiot when you cant figure out why you invited them in the first place..but once they arrive the damage is done so youre forced deal with them until they make their exit. Afterall you cant invite someone to dinner and then just ask them to leave when you decide they've had enough right?

Of course there is something to be said for people making mistakes but its no mistake when you go to your ex's house totally planning to sleep with them...You sought out the situation and should be fully prepared to accept the unavoidable consequences which are sure to follow.

So men (and women, cause lord knows we cheat as well) the next time youre engaged in some situation that youre pretty sure you couldnt get away with if your significant other was within eyeshot, think twice...you may be doing something you'll end up regretting later.

Here's to knowing what you have at home...

The Diva

Well well well....here it is a brand new year...I just dont know where the time went...Its been nearly a month since Ive written anything and I hardly know where to begin...Wait, yes I do. I think Ill begin with some words of wisdom on how to make 2009 better than 2008. If you follow this little list youre sure to end on a high note. Its completely fool-proof trust me. Im big into lists so here goes:

1. Get your finances in order...If you were broke all the time in 2008..figure out why and get on top of the situation..If that means getting a new job, giving up some non-essentials or just excercising some plain old restraint...MAKE IT HAPPEN...life is too short to be held back from what you want to do just because of financial limitations..Now dont get me wrong you have to know the difference between needing and wanting...but so long as you find that balance and you can still pay your bills...figure youre on the right track

2. Cut people off...anyone who is toxic, unsupportive, unmotivated dead-weight, or otherwise worthless in your life...DELETE them...Again life is too short...and this includes worthless men/women who dont reciprocate your love..your misery loves company homegirl and your boy who just cant seem to get out of their mama's basement. Try to surround yourself with positive people who encourage your growth and happiness...not people who are still doing the same thing they were doing when you met them....(nuthin) If you lay with dogs eventually you'll get up with fleas...bad habits are contagious..

3. Take charge of your health..this is a hard one for me ...im always telling people I have an eating disorder that makes me crave junk :o) But its about baby steps....dont tell yourself that you'll never eat anything unhealthy ever again....take on small changes that can be incorporated into your daily life over time...start drinking more water...cut down on the fried foods and maybe consider taking vitamins to compensate for where your diet falls short..it doesnt take long to start feeling the difference...and most importantly visit your doctor at least annually to make sure youre in tip top shape..

4. Be peaceful....this is from a spiritual as well as a physical standpoint...Stop allowing yourself to be pulled into drama that will lead to nothing but stress onyour part..Look for every opportunity you can to get some peace and just be still sometimes...Occassionally I just like to turn off my cell phone and read, listen to music or watch a movie totally undisturbed...It helps me from wigging out as often as I ordinarily would...and along those same lines, allow your body to get the rest it needs...Lack of sleep not only contributes to health issues...but ladies..it ages you as well..so instead of staying up all night watching random mess on tv (which Ive again been guilty of myself) take your butt to bed...try a sleeping mask too.....Once I did, I wondered how I ever slept without one...

5. Find a hobby...ladies this does not include shopping :o) Find something you like and want to learn more about, or something you'd like to learn from scratch...Mine was golf last year...this year who knows...but the point is everyone needs a hobby..something that just serves to give you some enjoyment and an outlet for stress...and two other perk?? its a great way to meet new people and it makes for good conversation when you find someone else who is also interested in it...which is always cool..

Well all in all thats about it..2009 should be about progress, prosperity and positivity..Anything that cant be incorporated under one of those themes is a no-no...I hope I gave someone some words to live by..

Heres to fresh beginnings!!
Diva :o)

You Know How I Know You're Gay??

Ok I was having a conversation with my boy Rapier last night (a straight/former model...and yes he's black) about the perils of today's black metrosexual. According to him chicks today are so engrossed in today's hip hop/swagger-obsessed culture when it comes to men, that any brother who deviates from a Young Jeezy type is immediately chalked up as 'questionable'. A brother who just tries to maintain himself and who doesnt wear his pants below his waist should not be written off as gay on site. And just because a brother uses name brand face wash instead of Dial doesnt mean you need to give him the side eyes either....

Now to me a metrosexual is a brother who is carefully straddling that fine line between well-kempt and flat out gay. This line is often hard to detect when youre dealing with an attractive guy who is well dressed, has good taste and who keeps his nails clean on a regular basis....especially if you cant remember the last time you saw him out on the town with a hot chick on his arm.

In the movie 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies, two of the characters engage in a completely hilarious conversation debating about the other's sexuality, each remark beginning with the words "You know how I know youre gay?". Well in case you need to know for sure whether a guy youre checking for is more homo than metro, allow me to offer some insight.

Metrosexuals and Homosexuals while very distinct groups have 4 areas of interest/expertise in common: Food/Wine, Fashion, Grooming, Arts/Music. However the fine line drawn between metro and homo is a matter of excessiveness, ie: that 'extra extra' factor typically found in the day to day behaviors of gay men. Lets take each area of interest and explore some examples shall we?

Food/Wine:
Metro- Guy is well-versed on various wines and can order a decent bottle whenever called upon to do so. Also he isnt afraid to frequent dining establishments denounced as "bourgie" by his less sophisticated counterparts.

Totally Gay- Guy typically drinks champagne or fruity martinis and never orders hearty meals consisting of red meat or potatoes...preferring instead to have a salad.

Fashion:
Metro- Guy subscribes to GQ magazine and tries to stay on top of the latest mens' fashions. He owns a decent number of shoes some of which are by high end fashion designers.

Totally Gay- Guy watches Project Runway on a regular basis, and actually roots for his favorite designer. He has an entire wall in his closet devoted to his shoe collection, each pair in its own box complete with a photo for ease in selection.

Grooming:
Metro- Guy has a skin care regimine that includes a moderately priced skin care line, and owns a manicure kit which he uses to keep his nails clean and trimmed.

Totally Gay- Guy does a nightly facial masque while wearing aloe moisturizing gloves. He has a standing appointment at the nail salon for weekly manicures.

Arts/Music:
Metro- Guy has a diverse taste in music and maybe even listens to classical on occasion. He doesnt prefer it but he'll go to a musical or the opera if the mood strikes, or the right lady invites him.

Totally Gay- His tastes lean more toward the effeminate, preferring to listen to divas such as Diana Ross, Beyonce and Patti Labelle. He knows all the choreography to "Single Ladies" and all the words to "Aint No Mountain High Enough".

Such clues would seemingly be obvious to any observant woman, but you'd be suprised how many sistahs Ive known to be completely attracted to guys with no clue as to their gayness, only to have me come along and have my gay-dar go off like a fire alarm. You have to be every astute when it comes to this topic because if youre not careful on e can slip by you. The next thing you know youre at a party with a guy whose wearing hotter shoes than yours, sipping a cosmopolitan, and out-twirking you on the dance floor exclaiming that"...You should have put a ring on it!!.." and wondering how you got yourself into such a sketchy predicament...Bad look....VERY bad look....

The word for today ladies is OBSERVANT. Dont say I never hipped you to anything :o)

Here's to setting the record 'straight'

~The Diva

Mr. X to the Ladies: Is Your "House" In Order??

Thanks and a little bit of kudos to 'Mr. X' for the following thoughtful submission..A little something for us ladies to ponder...

Enjoy!

~Diva

Dear resident,

You live in a house that is run down. The water works, but the water-heater has long since needed replacing. The cable works, but you don’t like the programming. There was a storm last year that busted out all the windows, so you had them boarded up. Your friends, who’s houses are in no better shape, keep telling you that there are no good houses on the market…that somehow every single house, condo and apartment that is worth the foundation it was set in, can only be found in Atlanta, Chicago or some random city outside of St. Louis. So you will continue to live there, sweeping a dirt floor and replacing light bulbs in a lamp that has no electricity.

We here at ABC Real Estate Company would like to invite you to step beyond your doorstep…down the street…and around the corner. There are several properties that still cater to your liking. There are a number of apartments, condos and single family units that are availNow mind you, there are no virtual tours…you will be required to leave your living room. Also, we require that you stop using and listening to the phrase, “there are no good houses in St. Louis”. This outlook on the market not only hinders you from developing the desire to explore outside of what you already know, but it discourages others like you. In addition, there are a handful of properties that are going through the rehab process and every time this phrase is mentioned, it pushes the completion date back significantly. The individuals doing the work become complacent, because you have become complacent. Aside from that, taking a look at your application, there are a few things that we need to address, but all-in-all, I see some real potential. Should you need to hear directly from some of the individuals that have successfully completed this transition, let me know. Otherwise, I look forward to your new perspective on life, on living and on love. Wait…we are talking about real estate right???

Sincerely,
MR. X

5 Winter Beauty Must-Haves

Calling all ladies!!.....The winter is fast approaching and if you're anything like me...you are already dreading how the bitter cold and wind are going to reek havoc on your hair, skin and even nails. But alas there is hope! I am passing along to you some of the tried and true products I swear by, that are sure to have you winter-ready and fabulous.

Pantene Pro-V Relaxed & Natural Daily Oil Cream Moisturizer:

Even if you dont regularly use Pantene products this one is worth a try. It nourishes hair and helps protect against breakage and damage. I use it ocassionally between salon vists to give my hair an added boost of shine and moisture.

Olay Winter Retreat Body Wash: This stuff is heavenly. Not only

does is leave your skin feeling hydrated and smooth, it has vanilla essence which has a calming effect as you shower. Downside: its a limited edition product so it may not be in stores for long.

Cetaphil Skin Care: My skin is sensitive and SUPER dry even in the warmer months

so I love these products. The gentle cleansers leave your face clean without stripping it of its natural moisture. Their body cream (which can be used on the face) actually works to bind water to the skin providing a protective barrier and locking moisture in. The line also features a day lotion with SPF15 which is needed all year round. FYI-My dermatologist (who is african american) even recommends these products, especially for people with skin conditions like eczema.

C.O. Bigelow Lip Shine: I've been addicted to these lip glosses for the past few years now. They're perfect for the winter because they keep the lips not only moist but with a hint of glossy color. My favorite is the Mentha Shine which is infused with peppermint oil. It keeps your pucker minty fresh and soft....perfect for a peck under the mistletoe :o)

True Blue Spa's 'Look Ma New Hands' hand lotion: This hand cream combines avocado, olive, and apricot oils with a hint of paraffin to keep hands soft and protected, and looking like new. It also has a pleasant scent and softens hands without making them feel too greasy. I love it!

And ps, I'd love to know if any of you try some of the suggested products or if you have your own 'must have' to suggest...Well with that being said....Go forth and winterize ladies!!

here's to being fab even in the dead of winter :o)

~Diva

People Mag's Sexiest Men of 2008

Well its about to hit the stands in the coming days but People has just announced the completion of its annual Sexiest Men Alive list....Its mostly comprised of alot of white guys, many of whom I dont know or care about so I wanted to take a moment to highlight the talented, beautiful, and oh so fabulous brothers who made the cut this year...Enjoy!!

Presenting (in order of my personal preference) People Magazine's Sexiest Brothers Alive!

Denzel Washington- The quentessential brother: swagger, style and cool sophistication....what sistah hasnt fantasized about him at one point or another??

Blair Underwood- I've been in love with him ever since "Set it Off" ...Plus Ive always been a sucker for a darker brother with some nice waves :o)

Usher- the only brother cool enough to do Broadway and not have anyone question his sexuality...

Taye Diggs- ((sigh)) what a shame that he doesnt fancy the sistahs too much...he's still my favorite 'best man' nonetheless...

Terrence Howard- I've secretly always kind of liked that 'catt daddy' like swagger that Terrence has...Its almost like he should have been born at an earlier time..Plus, he may have single handedly brought light skinned brothers back into the limelight....

Kanye West- You may hate his arrogance and his cocky demeanor...but you cant deny that he's got something...I always give points for a flawless sense of fashion...

Jamie Foxx- outrageously funny comedian...enormously talented actor...and a smooth balladeer as well...gotta love that Jamie...

Will Smith- The freshest Prince of them all...charismatic and handsome..and I dont care what anybody says..not a homosexual :o)

Chris Brown- Even though he's still a young'n, Mr. Brown's talent is undeniable...his success speaks for itself...Well on his way to being his generation's Michael Jackson...

Donald Faison- Im not particularly impressed by this cat..but he's still a brother doing his thing and doing it in a positive way...gotta respect that..He's getting more roles all the time...and im sure he's got some great ones to come..

Well....thats all folks!! and if you want to check out the special vid on the People website click the link below...it features pics of all 100 guys..

http://www.people.com/people/package/video/0,,20237714_20237719_20238484,00.html

Have a fab one!!

Here's to the brothers....in all their glory...

~Diva

Consider the following song lyrics:

"Girl, you know I love you

No matter what you do

And I hope you understand me

Every word I say is true

Cause I love you

I’m thinkin’ of you
Tryin’ to be more of a man for you

And I don’t have much riches

But we gonna see it through

‘Cause I love you

Some men need lots of women

For their passions to feel

But I want only you, girl

if it’s in God’s will

‘Cause I love you"

If you're under the age of 30 and youre reading this, you probably have no clue what song this is, however if youre an 'old head' such as myself and you listen to stations other than 100.3 The Beat....it should have been immediately familiar to you and inspired the all too familiar stream of "Oh oh oh oh oh!" that follows the last stanza. If you're not hip to it (and you should be ashamed by the way), click this link to educate yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbzkwLWK-Ps I'll wait...

*approximately 7 min later*

Ok, now that we're all on the same page, the reason for this blog... I had an interesting conversation with my girl the other day discussing an article she read on Black Love Songs and how basically they've lost their way. Now the song above is the real deal...Here is a man willing to put it all out in the open, no game palying, no ulterior motives and obviously no pride to get in the way. When you combine those elements along with a knack for lyrics, and a mean hook, you've got yourself a real black love song. There's no promise to ice out your wrist, lend you the keys to his whip on ocassion, rescue you from your troublesome life at the gentlemens' club or any other such nonsense. Just the fact that he loves you...period. Sadly today, songs of this type are becoming endangered.

There is so much unintelligible mess on the radio today that its gotten to the point where I dont even listen to anything BUT the more mature stations....A diva can only tolerate hearing Plies' pitiful ode to the sistahs: "Bust It Baby" so many times before I start to actually feel my IQ drop...These days you are truly hard pressed to find a love song specifically by a black performer that resembles the former more so than the latter.

In the article it pointed out that we should feel obligated to put more of a positive emphasis on black love in our music being that we now actually have black love residing in the White House. What better time to reset the tone right? The tide is changing in terms of the way blacks are being viewed in America, now more than ever and its time the music industry stepped up its game and fell in line.

Of course I dont think all our generation's r&b perfomers are a lost cause...Singers like Raheem DeVaughn, Maxwell, Jill Scott, Kindred and Bilal can always be counted on to sing the praises of something other than mind-blowing sex, popping bottles in the VIP or driving really fast in exotic foreign cars while tossing stacks of cash left and right. Their genre lends itself more often to celebrating the sistahs for more than just being shapely, being completely vulnerable to the one you love, and promises of lasting fidelity. They hearken to the soul music greats of the 70s and 80s, and try to emulate those same emotions through their art.

I just hope that artists such as them wont eventually fade away into the sunset of black music history as so many before them. Instead Im holding out hope that more artists will get on board and realize the value in producing music that is encouraging and moving rather than just billboard-topping. I know the lure of the big time superficial record deal has its perks, but if that means you have to sell your art, heart, and soul to the highest bidder...Im hoping some of these folks will take a pass.

Hey if we can have a brother as leader of the free world, we can certainly put out some music that doesnt make you cringe when you hear it right?

here's to real music...and moreover the real love that inspires it...

PS>> Shout out to my girl Omniscient..my 'Resident Content Advisor'!

~Diva :o)

A REAL SIMPLE Guide to Wine

In light of today's random act of video...I thought I would do a quick post on some wine basics. I found the following helpful guide on http://www.realsimplereallife.com/ (you may have seen the Real Simple magazines at your local grocery stores....great for tips on recipes, interior design, entertaining etc.) Its a great 'how to' on what wines go well with what dishes and is sure to get you off to a great start. Id love to know if any of you readers are avid wine drinkers and have any suggestions for me as well. Im always on the lookout for the perfect wine. Just last night I tried a Cabernet Sauvignon by Lake Sanoma...It was delicious. Now, on to the list:

Cabernet Sauvignon (Red)

What it is: Known as the king of reds, this bold wine has flavors that cover the spectrum from green bell pepper to fresh tobacco to ripe berries. (Choose carefully; it can overpower the flavors of your food.) Goes best with: Rich proteins like steak, burgers, roast beef, lamb, and game meats, plus stewed dishes and aged or strong-smelling cheeses like Brie.

Chardonnay (White)

What it is: A rich white that commonly has pineapple and mango flavors and a buttery, oaky finish. Goes best with: Grilled chicken and fish, creamy sauces (including over pasta), shellfish, veal and pork, rabbit, ripe, and creamy cheeses like Brie and Camembert.

Malbec (Red)

What it is: Grown frequently in Argentina, this robust red resembles Cabernet Sauvignon but with a slightly softer edge and flavors of dried, dark fruit such as black currants and plum. Goes best with: Grilled meats and sausages, steaks, lamb, pizza, hard cheeses such as Parmesan.

Merlot (Red)

What it is: A low-acidity medium-bodied wine that often tastes of plum, berries and currants, it famously took a bruising in the wine-snob movie Sideways. Goes best with: Duck, pasta, red meat, smoked or grilled foods, pork, mushrooms, pizza, chocolate, and full-flavored cheeses.

Pinot Grigio (White)

What it is: Also known as Pinot Gris, this wine tends to be light, dry, and crisp. Goes best with: Shellfish and most light seafood dishes, salads, light pastas, goat and sheep's milk cheeses.

Pinot Noir (Red)

What it is: A lighter-bodied red with cherry and raspberry flavors. Goes best with: Grilled foods, chicken, salmon, ahi tuna, pork, mild cheeses like Swiss, Feta, and Gruyère.

Riesling (White)

What it is: A wine that can be sweet or dry depending on the winemaker, it tends to be fruity, floral, and light. Goes best with: Barbecued seafood, pork, shellfish, summer fruit, creamy cheeses, moderately spicy ethnic foods like Thai and Chinese, salads.

Sauvignon Blanc (White)

What it is: Also known as Fumé Blanc, this citrusy, grassy wine is traditionally light, crisp, and refreshing. Goes best with: White or light fish, grilled vegetables, oysters, fruit, mild cheeses, chicken.

Sparkling Wine (White)

What it is: Wine that is specially fermented to produce carbonation, bubbly hails from all over the world―but only bottles that come from the Champagne region in France can be called the C-word. The sweetness of sparkling wine varies based on the grape variety used and how much sugar is added during the fermentation process, ranging from Brut Natural (the driest) to Doux (very sweet). Goes best with: Appetizers, spicy dishes, shellfish (especially lobster and scallops), caviar, salty foods, sushi, and fruit.

Zinfandel (Red)

What it is: A versatile wine that can be light and fruity or heavy and robust depending on the winemaker and often has flavors of raspberry, blackberry, anise, and pepper. Goes best with: Richly sauced dishes, barbecued meats, pizza, pasta, red meat, turkey, game meats, spicy foods.

Here's to good wine and good friends...

~Diva

The Power of the Human Connection..

I recently watched the movie, "Hancock" and I really enjoyed it...I know Im a little late on this one but Im usually not one for the action/superhero genre and it took a minute for me to break down and watch it. Im glad I did, but while I loved the writing (Will's character is hilarious and so is Justin Bateman's) and the way the movie was filmed (the scenes were phenomenal) I was more impacted by the underlying less obvious theme the film highlighted: the power of the human connection.

In the movie Will and Charlize find out that theyre both superhumans cut from the same cloth, and essentially 'designed' to complement eachother...Ironically the more they were drawn to one another the weaker they both became. Their connection while intense and undeniable spelled disaster for them. Hence, there was no way if they cared for oneanother that they could remain connected. That concept was so profound to me...and so relavent at the same time because I know the feeling....

All of us at one time or another have been in a relationship with someone who has indelibly affected us; and marked us in a way that is inescapable, regardless of distance, time..whatever. A lifetime could pass between meetings and when you see him/her, your mind immediately takes you back to a time when you were together...and you feel totally defenseless. Even when you know you were toxic for oneanother, you cant help but feel an almost magnetism when in their presence.

If youre lucky your head over rules your heart and you do whats best: sever the ties and leave well enough alone. But if not, and you just have to experience that last rush that comes with opening the door to the past...you're almost always promptly reminded of why that person was in your past in the first place... An all too familiar nod to the fact that nostalgia can be a bi-ch and a mean one at that...

Its hard for us mere mortals to practice self-denial and not surrender to what we want...or in some cases think we need at the moment. Hancock was able to do so in the interest of his and Charlize's well-being, but we ordinary people rarely possess the restraint necessary to do the same. I guess thats all a part of being human though...taking the bumps and bruises, and risking life and limb in the hopes of finding something good on the other side..I suppose its worth it so long as the result is a real and lasting connection. Mental note: attraction is fleeting but a true connection is forever..

here's to making connections...

~Diva

We Made History "My Friends"!!

Well its official....America is in the grips of an historical and monumental moment..We have just elected the first black President of the United States!! Even as I type these words, they hardly seem real. I sat in a room with family and friends last night: poor and middle class...old and young...white and blue collar...and wept as I embraced what I can only describe as one of the most moving and awe inspiring moments of my life.

In this country not many years ago Black men's beaten and charred bodies hung from trees amidst crowds of cheering whites. They couldnt walk the streets without being victimized on a daily basis. They could be spat upon, chastised and humiliated for the most minor of offenses. Today however black men are free to seize opportunities their ancestors could not have even dared to dream. They are no longer non entities devoid of civil rights and unworthy of respect. Our brother Barack is living proof that all things are possible, and there is no doubt in my mind that God was at the helm of this achievement.

But as he stated last night President cannot do it alone. It is the responsibility of us as a nation to come together and make the change that we're all hoping for. We each have to assume the role of leader and do what others will not do. The days of sitting back and allowing things to happen to us as a people are long gone. We must be proactive and look to an uncertain future with optimism. I am confident that President Obama has all the tenacity, intelligence and grace under fire that we need to usher us into this new era, but only our diligence as a committed and supportive people will see to it that the job is done. But for now let's just bask in the glow of this victory and take it all in. We have truly made history...

Here's to the power of change...YES WE DID!!

~Diva

The 80/20 Rule...

Girl meets boy..boy seems perfect...boys starts showing his flaws...boy is good to girl and loves her dearly but doesnt clean up after himself or act as girl would like him to at times...Enter new boy. He's less of a pig and is always on his best behavior. Girl leaves said boy for new boy, assusming she's upgrading only to find out that new boy is clean but irresponsible...well behaved but not very bright...

Girl realizes she should have never left boy in the first place.

What you've just witness my friends is a textbook example of the "80/20" rule in action. You see, girl already had 80% of what she needed to be happy but gave it up for the 20% she thought boy was lacking. In doing so, she put herself at a disadvantage, trading in the lion's share of her happiness for the table scraps. This is a mistake commonly made by people who are either unwilling or unable to embrace what they have right in front of them with appreciation.

I first encountered this concept in watching the Tyler Perry film "Why Did I Get Married?". In the film it was Mike, Sheila's husband who betrayed his loving wife and left her for the fleeting pleasure his mistress brought to the table. Here was a man who had a loving, faithful wife willing to do any and everything to keep him happy, and make their marriage work but all he could see was a 'fat girl'. Instead of seeing her for the woman he once pledged his love to, he saw a sexier, slimer option in her homegirl Trina. He soon discovered that Trina (like most women of the "20" variety) had very little to offer beyond the proverbial "big butt and a smile". And of course when it was all said and done it was too late to right his wrong.

People so often miss the point of love and relationships. The point is never to get the hottest chick ever, or the guy with the most possible money, but to find that someone who possesses the perfect blend of characteristics that will lead to longevity and hopefully fidelity. If you nurture and care for your own grass, it deosnt matter how green the other side is. Hence there's no need to wonder what could be, or might be with someone else. Moreover I have news for you, when you're lucky to find someone who truly loves you, theres no such thing as 'trading up' anyway.

Yeah.....that 20 looks pretty good when you think you're missing out on something, but believe me, its hardly worth sacrificing 80 to get it.

Here's to making your next move your best move.

Diva :o)

Where is 'Big Mama' when you need her??

I went to a local chinese food place to pick up some food on Saturday afternoon and witnessed something that I felt compelled to write about....I placed my order and took a seat, waiting along with an older lady about 65, a woman maybe 45 with her son and say, four young men who all appeared to be in their late teens...We all sat waiting as our orders were called while the young men talked loudly amongst eachother, totally oblivious to their rudeness. I listened against my will, as the topics ranged from one's plans to go pick up his kids (and he looked about 17) , how his whole family was at some boy's funeral who had been shot in the head a few days prior, that he knew some people who planned to retaliate, and how they were going to be in the 'studio' that night. All I could do was shake my head.

Of course they were more than just loud, obnoxious, and disrespectful. They were cursing like nobody's business, pants sagging with their underwear showing, and barking demands for napkins and red pepper to the lady behind the counter. All the while talking about this boy's murder like one would discuss something as trivial as the weather. All I kept wondering was who raised these young men to behave this way?? I know one thing, "Big Mama" sure as hell didnt. Im in my early 30's, but I still came up during the era where grown folks actually RAISED kids...You just couldnt go around cursing and acting like some undisciplined heathen without swift and often painful correction. When I was a teenager, or even today for that matter, there is no way in HELL I would have even considered cursing around one of my elders. And if I had, I would have most certainly been sorry for it later.

Couple that with the sense of indifference and callous nature of these young mens' demeanor and you have a receipe for why the black community is no longer a community. Gone are the days of the 'village to raise a child' mentality, and "big mama" . Hell these days she's too worried she gonna get robbed by one of these little houligans to even open her mouth when she sees the kinds of things that go on today. Its a shame too because the "big mama's" of the old school are part of the reason why some of these men turned out as well as they did. Big mamas were the mothers AND fathers they needed when some young boys had neither. They dished out the love, structure, and swats to the behind necessary to mold them into responsible adults. These days we have too many young women who dont know the first thing about parenting, struggling through it on their own, without a much needed support system. The fact that the fathers arent around as much anymore doesnt exactly help matters either.

I pray that what I saw on Saturday is not indicative of whats going on with our young men in our community as a whole. If it is...people, we have GOT to do better. Somebody call Big Mama...we need her!

~diva :o\

The Horror..I mean "Whore-er"....

Ok so ..I went with one of my homeboys and best homegirls to a Halloween party on Friday night....I dont know what I was expecting but...it was one of the worst things I had been to in a long....long time. I thought halloween was a time to show your more creative/expressive side...to show your alter ego in a sense...Well if thats the case, half of St. Louis' ladies aspire to be whores on the side. Before I could even get within yards of the party's entrance I was bombarded by an onslaught of latex, vinyl mini skirts, fishnets, thigh high boots, protruding boobs and booty cheeks that would have made even Uncle Luke cringe...And those were the ones who were covered up! I even saw a chick who actually wore yellow police tape wrapped around her bottom half with a two makeshift pasties over her breasts. I dont even want know what the hell she was supposed to be...She was no looker so I guess she was just out to get attention the best way she knew how...But the tape was nevertheless an appropriate choice because she definitely looked like a crime scene to me :o( wrong... just wrong...

Then to add insult to injury I dressed as one of the robbers from the movie Dead Presidents, which I thought was pretty creative, only to look up and see two separate crews of guys dressed as the same thing! Then had the nerve to give me the side eyes like I stole their idea. Of course guys were still hitting on me even though my face was covered in black and white face paint....but Im still not sure whether it was the fact that they actually thought I might be cute under the makeup or if they were just attracted to the whole 'criminal' vibe...lol

All in all..I would say the night was a bust...My boy, who is a self-professed womanizer, couldnt even stand to stay longer than 90min...despite the fact that he was surrounded by butt-naked women...I mean, seriously how many slutty cops and naughty nurses can one person take?! I REALLY knew it was time to go when I saw Strawberry Shortcake and her homegirl Robin (from the) Hood..both of whom were easily a size 18, wearing costumes CLEARLY designed for a girl about a size 6. I should have gotten that "fashion police" costume I saw online...I would have been handing out citations left and right...

And to top it off..I didnt even get any freaking candy!!

Oh the HORROR!!! *blood curddling screams*

Diva :o)