Knowing When to Say When Part 1

'Know when to say when' is a phrase reserved most often for discussions about drinking, playing poker, spending money…or any situation when its best that you have a firm grasp on your limitations. Recently though, Ive realized that there's another appropriate use of this phrase: when it comes to relationships. Its usually rather commendable when you see someone truly devoted whose ready to lay it all on the line for a relationship, someone whose "ride or die" so to speak. But theres a fine line between that and becoming a gossip topic in your circle of friends where they simply shake their heads whenever your name gets mentioned. I admit Ive been burned by the whole 'I gave that ni**a everything…and THIS is what I get in return?!' scenario. But now that Im wiser and (a little older unfortunately) I see that it wasn't HIS fault…it was my own. You cant expect people to be inside your head or your heart when it comes to a relationship, thus you cant expect them to act, feel or do the same as you would all the time. So just because youre willing to play Chaka Kahn and go through the fire, don't expect your mate to automatically feel the same way. And if he/she ends up disappointing you, well that's just the risk you run when you decide to get involved with someone.

And I admit of course that love isn't fair as cliché as that sounds but few things in life are. To quote one of the characters from Love Jones, "Love.. passion…it is what it is". So there is no formula that is guaranteed to make a relationship work or last. If you sleep with one too early, abstaining wont guarantee true love the next time around; the same way one man cheating on you doesn't necessarily mean that the next one will. One bit of truth though, relationships have an expiration date. I know all of you have been in a situation, whether it was a stint of uncomfortable silence, or an awkward phone conversation where when it was over…you KNEW it was over…literally. The key is to listen to that voice that tells you "keep it moving playboy" or "girl, when are you gonna dump this clown?" and not instead assume your role as the 'ride or die fool' determined to make a square peg fit a round hole. Noone wants to be the Lenny Williams in their relationship. Cut to you singing, "..and then I watched television until television went off…Oh Oh Oh Oh…. " I think you would agree that's NOT a good look. So my advice to anyone going through it right now, if youre feeling like its over, it probably is. Cut your lover off as well as your losses and keep it moving. Life is too short to be dealing with some nonsense. Sometimes you gotta know when to say when people…The word for today is "DEUCES!" :o)

Here's to turning the page....