You Know How I Know You're Gay??

Ok I was having a conversation with my boy Rapier last night (a straight/former model...and yes he's black) about the perils of today's black metrosexual. According to him chicks today are so engrossed in today's hip hop/swagger-obsessed culture when it comes to men, that any brother who deviates from a Young Jeezy type is immediately chalked up as 'questionable'. A brother who just tries to maintain himself and who doesnt wear his pants below his waist should not be written off as gay on site. And just because a brother uses name brand face wash instead of Dial doesnt mean you need to give him the side eyes either....

Now to me a metrosexual is a brother who is carefully straddling that fine line between well-kempt and flat out gay. This line is often hard to detect when youre dealing with an attractive guy who is well dressed, has good taste and who keeps his nails clean on a regular basis....especially if you cant remember the last time you saw him out on the town with a hot chick on his arm.

In the movie 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies, two of the characters engage in a completely hilarious conversation debating about the other's sexuality, each remark beginning with the words "You know how I know youre gay?". Well in case you need to know for sure whether a guy youre checking for is more homo than metro, allow me to offer some insight.

Metrosexuals and Homosexuals while very distinct groups have 4 areas of interest/expertise in common: Food/Wine, Fashion, Grooming, Arts/Music. However the fine line drawn between metro and homo is a matter of excessiveness, ie: that 'extra extra' factor typically found in the day to day behaviors of gay men. Lets take each area of interest and explore some examples shall we?

Food/Wine:
Metro- Guy is well-versed on various wines and can order a decent bottle whenever called upon to do so. Also he isnt afraid to frequent dining establishments denounced as "bourgie" by his less sophisticated counterparts.

Totally Gay- Guy typically drinks champagne or fruity martinis and never orders hearty meals consisting of red meat or potatoes...preferring instead to have a salad.

Fashion:
Metro- Guy subscribes to GQ magazine and tries to stay on top of the latest mens' fashions. He owns a decent number of shoes some of which are by high end fashion designers.

Totally Gay- Guy watches Project Runway on a regular basis, and actually roots for his favorite designer. He has an entire wall in his closet devoted to his shoe collection, each pair in its own box complete with a photo for ease in selection.

Grooming:
Metro- Guy has a skin care regimine that includes a moderately priced skin care line, and owns a manicure kit which he uses to keep his nails clean and trimmed.

Totally Gay- Guy does a nightly facial masque while wearing aloe moisturizing gloves. He has a standing appointment at the nail salon for weekly manicures.

Arts/Music:
Metro- Guy has a diverse taste in music and maybe even listens to classical on occasion. He doesnt prefer it but he'll go to a musical or the opera if the mood strikes, or the right lady invites him.

Totally Gay- His tastes lean more toward the effeminate, preferring to listen to divas such as Diana Ross, Beyonce and Patti Labelle. He knows all the choreography to "Single Ladies" and all the words to "Aint No Mountain High Enough".

Such clues would seemingly be obvious to any observant woman, but you'd be suprised how many sistahs Ive known to be completely attracted to guys with no clue as to their gayness, only to have me come along and have my gay-dar go off like a fire alarm. You have to be every astute when it comes to this topic because if youre not careful on e can slip by you. The next thing you know youre at a party with a guy whose wearing hotter shoes than yours, sipping a cosmopolitan, and out-twirking you on the dance floor exclaiming that"...You should have put a ring on it!!.." and wondering how you got yourself into such a sketchy predicament...Bad look....VERY bad look....

The word for today ladies is OBSERVANT. Dont say I never hipped you to anything :o)

Here's to setting the record 'straight'

~The Diva