The Cosmopolitan Life- With Diva Royale... Its More Than Just a Drink... Its A State of Mind!

getting some things off my chest

2010-02-25T20:45:00.000-08:00

Well people...its been almost a year since i blogged..i barely even remember to do it! That said i think its obvious that some catching up is in oder...There are two things that i have a bit of an attitude about these days and i just wanted to take this opportunity to vent about them..via my blog..i mean afterall that is its purpose right? so here goes...First i want to talk about all the hoopla surrounding Tiger and his 'let me come across as regretful so i dont lose ALL my endorsements' press conference...I dont give a damn that Tiger cheated on his wife...let me just clear that up right now..What that man does in his marriage means less than nothing to me..The only thing I have an opinion about is the sincerity of this 'pblic apology'...I cant begin to find a reason for the public to need an apology for a private indescretion...That would be like me cussing out my mama and then going to work and letting my boss and co workers know how sorry I am for what I did..Who really gives a damn about Tiger's endless parade of random jumpoffs? From what Ive seen in the media none of them were exactly top notch or highly sought after...There are hookers in Las Vegas who have more class and sophistication than some of these chicks..and to top it off theyre not broke as a joke..joke being the word to focus on in this scenario...because thats exactly what this whole situation is to me: a joke...Tiger is only sorry he was caught quite literally with his pants down...and nothing more..The fact that he wanted to go public with this apology of his all the while refusing to actually having to answer any questions, instead of simply allowing it to remain a private matter b/w a man and his wife, tells me that there is clearly an ulterior motive at hand..And the words damage control seem to be more than appropriate...My advice to Tiger is simple: Sit your ass down somewhere, man up and make your situation right...and feel free NOT to subject us to any more contrived self serving displays of remorse...no one is interested..

Moving on to this ZTA stepshow debacle...now...initially i didnt have any issue whatsoever with these girls stepping in the sprite step off..i was of course later appalled as i watched one of the girls on MTV all but call out the AKA sorors in a not so friendly competition sort of way...now this was a problem for me for two reasons: 1. how are a bunch of chicks who i would refer to as moderately coordinated former high school cheer squad members at best gonna have the gall to try to call out MY sorors?!...and 2. after hearing some of their commentary i kinda felt like the sprite step off wasnt the place for them afterall..im just gonna put it out there..

now i know reading that it sounds like im being prejudiced but really Im not...this gripe is about staying in your lane from a cultural standpoint...i feel like when it comes to things that are linked to a specific culture's traditions and customs its viewed as a bit insulting and borderline disrepectful when someone from a different culture, race or whatever tries to adopt it for themselves for trivial reasons or worse with no reverence being given to the importance of its origin...To me stepping is something that represents the black greek experience with its origins being deepy rooted in the african experience dating back to slavery and even further..and there is no way you can tell me that a step team of girls, none of whom are even african american, can truly appreciate this form to the extent that they should...My feeling after hearing the girls talk about participating in the show was that they felt that stepping was "cool" and they basically wanted to be hailed as the "white girls who beat the black girls at their own game"...leaning of course to the novelty of the situation to put them over the top...Now if youre going to participate fine..but dont come with an air of entitlement about something that you should feel priveledged to do...

When i was in college I had an Indian roommate for awhile and Im sure she would have had a problem if she had come home from class one day to find me prancing around the dorm room in a sari while listening to Hindi music...And me doing so without making an effort to learn her culture or show her that i had a genuine appreciation for it would have and SHOULD have been viewed as out of line, and insensitive with regards to her ethnic background...

ANd i must say that I think its a bit questionable that due to some "scoring error" the first place prize which was awarded to ZTA initially is now being shared with the AKAs who many have commented should have been the winners in the first place...If you ask me...theyre simply giving them their just due..clearly there is no way in the WORLD ZTA was the rightful winner of that competion but as long as AKA got recognized as putting on a phenomenal show, i can accept that..But for the record ZTA: i hope youre grateful for the experience..and that you know that stepping is not just about prize money or bragging rights...its something that MEANS a great deal more specifically within the black greek community and the next time you find yourself on a stage with any of MY sorors..or any sorors for that matter ...you might wanna seriously consider approaching it as such...

thats it...im done..and im going to bed..

The Diva

Steve Harvey Can Kick Rocks...And Here's Why

2009-03-26T20:22:00.000-07:00

Ok...I dont know about you all but I am COMPLETELY over Steve Harvey and his attempt at yet another 'girlfriend here is what you need to do to get yo'self a good man how-to-guide'. Everytime I turn around theres some damn debate about its validity, discussion on how 'important it is', or radio/tv show centered around it. For the record Im still clueless as to how this negro even got nominated to speak for black men in general, or for that matter why the hell a former cheater, twice divorced (i think??) guy fresh out of a mid life crisis is considered an authority on fidelity and successful black relationships. Really?...REALLY?!

Im thinking that looking to this man to solve all your realationship woes with this random piece of lonely women propoganda is about as smart as looking to Michael Vick's canine expertise to judge the next Westminster Kennel Club dog show...Highly unwise, and lets face it a little dangerous. The day we start looking to books, dvds and predatory "last chance for love" dating websites for advice on how to find love is the day that we should just throw in the towel once and for all.

No book, regardless of the author is going to guarantee any level of happiness, fidelity or longevity in a relationship. So all you ladies busily highlighting passages in this man's book and committing them to memory for future reference are wasting your time. Doing so is an excercise in futility. You may as well toss some coins in a fountain and make a wish for true love. If I can find one sister who read this book and got a single ounce of information out of it that her mother, friends, or random older woman at church last sunday didnt already try to impart to hyer on countless occasions throughout her life, Ill stand corrected. Otherwise Im thinking the title of this book should basically be, "Ish You Already Know About Men And Pretend Not To".

We all know when we meet a brother in the first 30 days (less if he's really a piece of work) whether we need to invest our time or take a pass. Whether we listen to our gut or not is another story, but I think we've all had one of those 'this might be a problem' light bulbs go on early in the game and decided to proceed regardless. However on the other hand, seeing as how we often meet a man's 'representative' initially, its easy to find yourself caught up before knowing what youre really getting. Nevertheless in either case, you have to learn from the situation and promptly move on. And for those women who habitually seek out men who are bad for them, save your $20...its very simple STOP DOING THAT. Start to seek out men who arent controlling, abusive, lying jackasses..its that simple. Surely you dont need a book to advise you of that, and if you do, might I suggest some therapy to discover what the REAL issue is at hand...Seriously.

So in closing Id just like to say for the record that while Im sure Mr. Harvey's literary equivalent to a Zagat's guide to the Black Male Psyche is entertaining...you need to treat it as just such. It should in NO way be looked upon as the answer to all your dating prayers or a one way ticket to 'Loveville'. You can't read Cliff's Notes and then think youre suddenly well-versed in Shakespeare. (Have we learned nothing from the Cosby Show?) We all have to kiss a few frogs ladies...but eventually if youre open to love, mature, mentally stable, and reasonable....be patient..your prince will come....And you wont need a book to know how to recognize him.

Here's to being realistic about love...

The DIVA :o)

The bottom

....Checking Your Swag

2009-03-12T08:33:00.000-07:00

Due to some recent inspiration Ive decided to repost this from last year for the newer readers...

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o) I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their 'A game' swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself, will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

Here's to those who aspire to flyness....

NUVO...the latest man-law violation.....

2009-03-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ok seriously yall..Am I the only one already fed up with the Nuvo craze?? I mean really everytime I go out Im bombarded with images of people revelling in its sticky, pink sweetness..and I cant figure out why. Is it because on EVERY SINGLE video they play on BET these days theres at least 17 contrived instances of cats posing with a bottle of it or over-pouring it into some random chick's glass? I think so...But more bothersome than the abundance of it in both video and real life party scenes is the fact that I see WAY too many dudes drinking it!

Now I understand that a large number of black folks tend to be followers particularly when it comes to hip hop/video culture but this is one thing that clearly should have set off the 'man law violation' alarm. Brothers: it is not a good look for you to be popping bottles of ANYTHING that is hot pink in color...let alone that oddly resembles a damn tube of lipstick/perfume bottle. Suspect as hell if you ask me...Im arguably one of the prissiest sistahs you'll meet and even I dont drink Nuvo...

What I wanna know is how some random Nuvo execs, got cats like Kanye West and T Pain to be basically doing commercials for this mess when 1. its not even that good...and 2. uhhh its pink?? what the hell? Im guessing the meeting went something like this:

Random NUVO Exec #1 (RNE1) and Random NUVO Exec #2 (NNE2) are in a glitzy office surrounded by maribou covered lamps and rhinestone studded desk accessories..

RNE1: So Francois...how DO you think we'll be able to saturate the African Americn urban market with this delightfully fruity goodness we call NUVO?

RNE2: Well Jacques you know as well as I do how much of an impact videos have on their consumption of damn near everything from chicken to sneakers...All we have to do is feature a few strategically placed bottles in anything that TPain's involved in and voila! He's the second most popular black figure next to Barrack Obama!..And dont worry about that whole "will people think Im gay?" thing when it comes to the men...Theres no way that a correlation can be drawn between indulging in our fruity pink concocotion so long as Tpain is seen drinking it...After all he 'goes hard' right?? *pretentious laughter*

RNE1: Splendid...lucky for me Ive got BET on speed dial..

Well Im not saying that it happened exactly this way but I imagine it wasnt far removed....But I digress...The point of this little sattire?? To let you dudes know that when women see you @ the club drinking NUVO...youre probably getting the side eyes...And for good reason..In the manly drink department, NUVO on the rocks rates about a .5 on a scale of 1-10...Opt for something a little stiffer...darker and more appropriate..a Vodka tonic wouldnt kill you...And for pete's sake if you see your boy about to make this fatal mistake PLEASE stop him...not just for you but for the betterment of the black community...The last thing we need is another brother perpetrating in the club...

This has been a Diva Service Announcement

That is all..

Here's to not letting BET dictate what you order at the bar...CHEERS

How Are You Living??

2009-02-22T17:37:00.001-08:00

Ok so I was having an interesting conversation with my girl just now discussing the impact other people's thoughts and opinions have on how we live. I had to ask myself...do I care what other people think about me or do I always do what makes me happy and ignore the 'nay sayers'?? The answer on my part is...well sometimes...but only to a healthy degree. I mean I definitely care whether others think of me as a good person, a great friend, someone they value, but in the grand scheme of things in terms of how I choose to live my life, I could give a damn what other may have to say. Its suffices to say that I care what people think...just not necessarily enough for that that have any bearing on the decisions I make for myself. Im someone who rarely seeks advice. I may confide in a friend about a situation but the words, "Tell me what I should do girl" youll never hear me utter.

Now most people, women more specifically dont subscribe to this line of thinking. I think that too many women either dont trust themselves enough or are too fearful to live their lives the way that they want. They care TOO much about what other people think to make any decision without the constant worry that someone else is going to disapprove and judge them accordingly. Rather than just doing what they think is right for them, they go against their gut and do what they think will gain the approval of, or ward off the side-eyes and 'tisk-tisk' finger pointing of their peers. If you ask me that mess is for the birds. Making decisions in your life based on what someone else may or may not have to say about it is not only ridiculous, its poor judgment all the way around. Doing so usually causes you to live a life that is so 'safe' it pretty much bores you to tears for one, and leads to bitterness and shoulda-woulda-couldas for two.

Now dont get me wrong a healty sense of conscience and self preservation is imperative. Dont take what Im saying to mean, "hey girl, go out into the world and make bunch of bad decisions, ruin your credit and sleep with all the wrong men" all under the guise of 'living carefree' and not taking into account the importance of excercising good judgement. The truth of the matter is, if you live your life in a way that only attracts negative attention its probably a good indication that maybe your life is basically out of control. In which case you may need to check yourself. I always say that theres a fine line between being hated on and just being plain old hated; but of course that line is relative to every woman's personal life experiences.

The moral of the story boys and girls is this: Like the song says, 'Live Your Life' ...just be sure that its one you can be proud of...and not one you'll later regret.

Here's to carpe diem peeps!!

The diva :o)

Adele: The Smoothest White Girl You've Never Heard Of

2009-02-13T09:28:00.000-08:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty eclectic taste in music...My collection includes everything from the WuTang Clan to Coldplay...and now I have a new artist to add to this musical gumbo of sorts: up and coming British songstress Adele. Those of you (with open minds) who saw her on the Grammys know shes truly talented. Her vocal style is a delicious mix of soulful jazz tones, combined with an almost folk music appeal. Its like she's the love child of Etta James and the Mamas and the Papas. Her sound and lyrics are honest, pure and unpretentious. Theres no overly glammed up chick flouncing around screaming about nothing or pointlessly gyrating to distract you from the fact that she has NO talent...No gimmicky outfits or unnecessary pyrotechnic displays....Just unadulterated good music...At only 19 Adele's old soul has a lot to say and my ears are wide open. Check out her album, its in stores now..For a quick preview you can check her out for yourself right here:

http://www.myspace.com/adelelondon

here's to broadened musical horizons

~The Diva :o)

Romance: "I Aint Dead Yet!"

2009-02-12T12:48:00.000-08:00

'"Romance is dead" ..That's what they said while sitting around cheating at pool..At the very last frame of this 9 ball game..the one who had the date at the top of the Empire State..is the one who got hustled...like a fool..'

Those of you who found that poem immediately familiar might remember it from one of my faves, "Love Jones." And in light of the fact that Valentines Day is upon us...it brings me to today's blog topic: Is Romance Truly Dead?

If you spend as much time watching random reality tv shows as most of America seems to these days you would be inclined to think that not only romance but true love itself was dead. With shows like "I Love New York", "Flavor of Love" and Vh1's latest television travesty "For the Love of Ray J" you have to wonder. And how ridiculous is the premise of these shows anyway? I mean really. You have random men and women who have never even met these stars dropping whatever they have going on (which usually isnt much I guess) and traveling from all over the country to fight for the attention/affections of admitted philanderers, and talentless celeb wannabes all proclaiming their sincere love and loyalty?? Riiiight.....*smirk of disbelief* Whats a diva to think??

The problem that I have with these shows is that they perpetuate the vlaues of quantity over quality, booties/breasts over brains and Mr./Ms. Right Now over Mr./Ms. Right. I do not even know how many times Ive seen someone on one of these shows send home the guy with a degree, proper grammar and some basic decorum opting instead for the 'bad boy' devoid of any goals...or struggle with the decsion of whether to keep the not so former stripper with nothing to offer with the exception of a big behind vs the self made entrepreneur who refuses to demonstrate her 'booty clapping ability' just to boost the ratings. Sad as it sounds, I know some people look at shows like this and get a dangerously false impression of whats considered acceptable when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex on an intimate level. If you ask me the classics still work and fighting to the death on national tv to get some stupid man/woman who's trying to create or revive their career is NOT a display of love or romance, despite what they say after handing out that much coveted last rose/glass of champagne/ridiculous bedazzled necklace during those elimination ceremonies.

All the blingage and over the top bravado works for about 10 min with the least discriminating of women, however if you aspire to a woman of substance or above average intelligence, you're going to have to dig deeper...and not necessarily into your pockets.

Ask any real woman and she'll confirm for you that the little things count. A compliment on her hair, reminding her how sexy she is with a little kiss before heading out to work, an impromptu foot rub while watching TV...are all great examples of displays of romance that speak more to intimacy rather than sex and cost absolutely nothing. Now that's not to say that a gift every now and again isn't warranted or appreciated, just that you don't need to do that just to show that you care.

And of course ladies in all fairness, I cant just let us off the hook. We are responsible for keeping the romance going as well. Men are usually pretty easy to please contrary to popular belief so little things score big points. Give him a back rub when you know he's had a hard day without demanding that he talk about it, leave him a little note to tell him that you love him, or get up off your behind and cook something for once! And of course you can take a few notes from Usher's 'Trading Places' if you really want to throw him for a loop. Spontaneity + Intimacy is always a good thing.

Hopefully this blog has inspired some of you to unearth the romance that we thought was dead and buried. I hope your Valentines days are filled with plenty of romance that's alive and kicking!

Here's to the resurrection of romance :o)

~The Diva

Cheaters Never Prosper....

2009-02-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

Ok....so I know I havent been writing for the past month or so..and for those of you who actually read this blog..my apologies :o) Ive been a little out of sorts these days and havent been able to get in any serious blogging time...Hopefully all of that is behind me and I can get back on the grind effective immediately....Now with that out the way...my latest blog...

I have a few male friends...some who are ex-boyfriends, some whom I've never dated...and some who inexplicably ended up in the friend zone but have proven to be very close to me. We talk these male friends and I, about all kinds of things...sports (when I can tolerate it), curent events, politics, and relationships. Some claim to be in loving committed relationships, others are constantly trying to find an out because their significant others are slowly driving them insane, and others cheat...constantly. Whats interesting to me is how some men are able to make excuses for their cheating and in some cases do so unapologetically.

For alot of men I think cheating is something they feel they are driven to do by mates who lack the excitement, sexual audacity and overall stimulation needed to keep them from wandering. But what entrigues me even more is how vastly the definition of cheating differs between men and women and moreover person to person.

In my opinion you can certatinly cheat without anyone ever even getting naked. Cheating for me is more about the level of intimacy being shared rather than the act itself. Id feel far more hurt

and betrayed by a man for engaging in long late night phone conversations when I can never get him to open up to me than I would if I found out about his drunken night of sex with an old flame. Its about him sharing himself with another woman in a way that he wont with me. For those of you who remember the movie, "Brown Sugar" that was the issue between Nicole Parker and Taye Diggs. He opened up to Sanaa Lathan's character, about his life and dreams etc and wouldnt do so with his own wife....The jig was finally up when it was discovered that all that time the two were actually in love with eachother. Intimacy can be a dangerous thing once shared with someone who should be off-limits.

Allowing someone into your relationship in that way when youre committed to someone else is akin to inviting your worst enemy to your house for dinner. No matter how great the meal was everyone eventually feels uncomfortable, you feel like an idiot when you cant figure out why you invited them in the first place..but once they arrive the damage is done so youre forced deal with them until they make their exit. Afterall you cant invite someone to dinner and then just ask them to leave when you decide they've had enough right?

Of course there is something to be said for people making mistakes but its no mistake when you go to your ex's house totally planning to sleep with them...You sought out the situation and should be fully prepared to accept the unavoidable consequences which are sure to follow.

So men (and women, cause lord knows we cheat as well) the next time youre engaged in some situation that youre pretty sure you couldnt get away with if your significant other was within eyeshot, think twice...you may be doing something you'll end up regretting later.

Here's to knowing what you have at home...

The Diva

2009-01-13T18:23:00.000-08:00

Well well well....here it is a brand new year...I just dont know where the time went...Its been nearly a month since Ive written anything and I hardly know where to begin...Wait, yes I do. I think Ill begin with some words of wisdom on how to make 2009 better than 2008. If you follow this little list youre sure to end on a high note. Its completely fool-proof trust me. Im big into lists so here goes:

1. Get your finances in order...If you were broke all the time in 2008..figure out why and get on top of the situation..If that means getting a new job, giving up some non-essentials or just excercising some plain old restraint...MAKE IT HAPPEN...life is too short to be held back from what you want to do just because of financial limitations..Now dont get me wrong you have to know the difference between needing and wanting...but so long as you find that balance and you can still pay your bills...figure youre on the right track

2. Cut people off...anyone who is toxic, unsupportive, unmotivated dead-weight, or otherwise worthless in your life...DELETE them...Again life is too short...and this includes worthless men/women who dont reciprocate your love..your misery loves company homegirl and your boy who just cant seem to get out of their mama's basement. Try to surround yourself with positive people who encourage your growth and happiness...not people who are still doing the same thing they were doing when you met them....(nuthin) If you lay with dogs eventually you'll get up with fleas...bad habits are contagious..

3. Take charge of your health..this is a hard one for me ...im always telling people I have an eating disorder that makes me crave junk :o) But its about baby steps....dont tell yourself that you'll never eat anything unhealthy ever again....take on small changes that can be incorporated into your daily life over time...start drinking more water...cut down on the fried foods and maybe consider taking vitamins to compensate for where your diet falls short..it doesnt take long to start feeling the difference...and most importantly visit your doctor at least annually to make sure youre in tip top shape..

4. Be peaceful....this is from a spiritual as well as a physical standpoint...Stop allowing yourself to be pulled into drama that will lead to nothing but stress onyour part..Look for every opportunity you can to get some peace and just be still sometimes...Occassionally I just like to turn off my cell phone and read, listen to music or watch a movie totally undisturbed...It helps me from wigging out as often as I ordinarily would...and along those same lines, allow your body to get the rest it needs...Lack of sleep not only contributes to health issues...but ladies..it ages you as well..so instead of staying up all night watching random mess on tv (which Ive again been guilty of myself) take your butt to bed...try a sleeping mask too.....Once I did, I wondered how I ever slept without one...

5. Find a hobby...ladies this does not include shopping :o) Find something you like and want to learn more about, or something you'd like to learn from scratch...Mine was golf last year...this year who knows...but the point is everyone needs a hobby..something that just serves to give you some enjoyment and an outlet for stress...and two other perk?? its a great way to meet new people and it makes for good conversation when you find someone else who is also interested in it...which is always cool..

Well all in all thats about it..2009 should be about progress, prosperity and positivity..Anything that cant be incorporated under one of those themes is a no-no...I hope I gave someone some words to live by..

Heres to fresh beginnings!!
Diva :o)

You Know How I Know You're Gay??

2008-12-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ok I was having a conversation with my boy Rapier last night (a straight/former model...and yes he's black) about the perils of today's black metrosexual. According to him chicks today are so engrossed in today's hip hop/swagger-obsessed culture when it comes to men, that any brother who deviates from a Young Jeezy type is immediately chalked up as 'questionable'. A brother who just tries to maintain himself and who doesnt wear his pants below his waist should not be written off as gay on site. And just because a brother uses name brand face wash instead of Dial doesnt mean you need to give him the side eyes either....

Now to me a metrosexual is a brother who is carefully straddling that fine line between well-kempt and flat out gay. This line is often hard to detect when youre dealing with an attractive guy who is well dressed, has good taste and who keeps his nails clean on a regular basis....especially if you cant remember the last time you saw him out on the town with a hot chick on his arm.

In the movie 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies, two of the characters engage in a completely hilarious conversation debating about the other's sexuality, each remark beginning with the words "You know how I know youre gay?". Well in case you need to know for sure whether a guy youre checking for is more homo than metro, allow me to offer some insight.

Metrosexuals and Homosexuals while very distinct groups have 4 areas of interest/expertise in common: Food/Wine, Fashion, Grooming, Arts/Music. However the fine line drawn between metro and homo is a matter of excessiveness, ie: that 'extra extra' factor typically found in the day to day behaviors of gay men. Lets take each area of interest and explore some examples shall we?

Food/Wine:
Metro- Guy is well-versed on various wines and can order a decent bottle whenever called upon to do so. Also he isnt afraid to frequent dining establishments denounced as "bourgie" by his less sophisticated counterparts.

Totally Gay- Guy typically drinks champagne or fruity martinis and never orders hearty meals consisting of red meat or potatoes...preferring instead to have a salad.

Fashion:
Metro- Guy subscribes to GQ magazine and tries to stay on top of the latest mens' fashions. He owns a decent number of shoes some of which are by high end fashion designers.

Totally Gay- Guy watches Project Runway on a regular basis, and actually roots for his favorite designer. He has an entire wall in his closet devoted to his shoe collection, each pair in its own box complete with a photo for ease in selection.

Grooming:
Metro- Guy has a skin care regimine that includes a moderately priced skin care line, and owns a manicure kit which he uses to keep his nails clean and trimmed.

Totally Gay- Guy does a nightly facial masque while wearing aloe moisturizing gloves. He has a standing appointment at the nail salon for weekly manicures.

Arts/Music:
Metro- Guy has a diverse taste in music and maybe even listens to classical on occasion. He doesnt prefer it but he'll go to a musical or the opera if the mood strikes, or the right lady invites him.

Totally Gay- His tastes lean more toward the effeminate, preferring to listen to divas such as Diana Ross, Beyonce and Patti Labelle. He knows all the choreography to "Single Ladies" and all the words to "Aint No Mountain High Enough".

Such clues would seemingly be obvious to any observant woman, but you'd be suprised how many sistahs Ive known to be completely attracted to guys with no clue as to their gayness, only to have me come along and have my gay-dar go off like a fire alarm. You have to be every astute when it comes to this topic because if youre not careful on e can slip by you. The next thing you know youre at a party with a guy whose wearing hotter shoes than yours, sipping a cosmopolitan, and out-twirking you on the dance floor exclaiming that"...You should have put a ring on it!!.." and wondering how you got yourself into such a sketchy predicament...Bad look....VERY bad look....

The word for today ladies is OBSERVANT. Dont say I never hipped you to anything :o)

Here's to setting the record 'straight'

~The Diva

Mr. X to the Ladies: Is Your "House" In Order??

2008-11-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

Thanks and a little bit of kudos to 'Mr. X' for the following thoughtful submission..A little something for us ladies to ponder...

Enjoy!

~Diva

Dear resident,

You live in a house that is run down. The water works, but the water-heater has long since needed replacing. The cable works, but you don’t like the programming. There was a storm last year that busted out all the windows, so you had them boarded up. Your friends, who’s houses are in no better shape, keep telling you that there are no good houses on the market…that somehow every single house, condo and apartment that is worth the foundation it was set in, can only be found in Atlanta, Chicago or some random city outside of St. Louis. So you will continue to live there, sweeping a dirt floor and replacing light bulbs in a lamp that has no electricity.

We here at ABC Real Estate Company would like to invite you to step beyond your doorstep…down the street…and around the corner. There are several properties that still cater to your liking. There are a number of apartments, condos and single family units that are availNow mind you, there are no virtual tours…you will be required to leave your living room. Also, we require that you stop using and listening to the phrase, “there are no good houses in St. Louis”. This outlook on the market not only hinders you from developing the desire to explore outside of what you already know, but it discourages others like you. In addition, there are a handful of properties that are going through the rehab process and every time this phrase is mentioned, it pushes the completion date back significantly. The individuals doing the work become complacent, because you have become complacent. Aside from that, taking a look at your application, there are a few things that we need to address, but all-in-all, I see some real potential. Should you need to hear directly from some of the individuals that have successfully completed this transition, let me know. Otherwise, I look forward to your new perspective on life, on living and on love. Wait…we are talking about real estate right???

Sincerely,
MR. X

5 Winter Beauty Must-Haves

2008-11-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

Calling all ladies!!.....The winter is fast approaching and if you're anything like me...you are already dreading how the bitter cold and wind are going to reek havoc on your hair, skin and even nails. But alas there is hope! I am passing along to you some of the tried and true products I swear by, that are sure to have you winter-ready and fabulous.

Pantene Pro-V Relaxed & Natural Daily Oil Cream Moisturizer:

Even if you dont regularly use Pantene products this one is worth a try. It nourishes hair and helps protect against breakage and damage. I use it ocassionally between salon vists to give my hair an added boost of shine and moisture.

Olay Winter Retreat Body Wash: This stuff is heavenly. Not only

does is leave your skin feeling hydrated and smooth, it has vanilla essence which has a calming effect as you shower. Downside: its a limited edition product so it may not be in stores for long.

Cetaphil Skin Care: My skin is sensitive and SUPER dry even in the warmer months

so I love these products. The gentle cleansers leave your face clean without stripping it of its natural moisture. Their body cream (which can be used on the face) actually works to bind water to the skin providing a protective barrier and locking moisture in. The line also features a day lotion with SPF15 which is needed all year round. FYI-My dermatologist (who is african american) even recommends these products, especially for people with skin conditions like eczema.

C.O. Bigelow Lip Shine: I've been addicted to these lip glosses for the past few years now. They're perfect for the winter because they keep the lips not only moist but with a hint of glossy color. My favorite is the Mentha Shine which is infused with peppermint oil. It keeps your pucker minty fresh and soft....perfect for a peck under the mistletoe :o)

True Blue Spa's 'Look Ma New Hands' hand lotion: This hand cream combines avocado, olive, and apricot oils with a hint of paraffin to keep hands soft and protected, and looking like new. It also has a pleasant scent and softens hands without making them feel too greasy. I love it!

And ps, I'd love to know if any of you try some of the suggested products or if you have your own 'must have' to suggest...Well with that being said....Go forth and winterize ladies!!

here's to being fab even in the dead of winter :o)

~Diva

People Mag's Sexiest Men of 2008

2008-11-19T08:41:00.000-08:00

Well its about to hit the stands in the coming days but People has just announced the completion of its annual Sexiest Men Alive list....Its mostly comprised of alot of white guys, many of whom I dont know or care about so I wanted to take a moment to highlight the talented, beautiful, and oh so fabulous brothers who made the cut this year...Enjoy!!

Presenting (in order of my personal preference) People Magazine's Sexiest Brothers Alive!

Denzel Washington- The quentessential brother: swagger, style and cool sophistication....what sistah hasnt fantasized about him at one point or another??

Blair Underwood- I've been in love with him ever since "Set it Off" ...Plus Ive always been a sucker for a darker brother with some nice waves :o)

Usher- the only brother cool enough to do Broadway and not have anyone question his sexuality...

Taye Diggs- ((sigh)) what a shame that he doesnt fancy the sistahs too much...he's still my favorite 'best man' nonetheless...

Terrence Howard- I've secretly always kind of liked that 'catt daddy' like swagger that Terrence has...Its almost like he should have been born at an earlier time..Plus, he may have single handedly brought light skinned brothers back into the limelight....

Kanye West- You may hate his arrogance and his cocky demeanor...but you cant deny that he's got something...I always give points for a flawless sense of fashion...

Jamie Foxx- outrageously funny comedian...enormously talented actor...and a smooth balladeer as well...gotta love that Jamie...

Will Smith- The freshest Prince of them all...charismatic and handsome..and I dont care what anybody says..not a homosexual :o)

Chris Brown- Even though he's still a young'n, Mr. Brown's talent is undeniable...his success speaks for itself...Well on his way to being his generation's Michael Jackson...

Donald Faison- Im not particularly impressed by this cat..but he's still a brother doing his thing and doing it in a positive way...gotta respect that..He's getting more roles all the time...and im sure he's got some great ones to come..

Well....thats all folks!! and if you want to check out the special vid on the People website click the link below...it features pics of all 100 guys..

http://www.people.com/people/package/video/0,,20237714_20237719_20238484,00.html

Have a fab one!!

Here's to the brothers....in all their glory...

~Diva

2008-11-13T08:14:00.000-08:00

Consider the following song lyrics:

"Girl, you know I love you

No matter what you do

And I hope you understand me

Every word I say is true

Cause I love you

I’m thinkin’ of you
Tryin’ to be more of a man for you

And I don’t have much riches

But we gonna see it through

‘Cause I love you

Some men need lots of women

For their passions to feel

But I want only you, girl

if it’s in God’s will

‘Cause I love you"

If you're under the age of 30 and youre reading this, you probably have no clue what song this is, however if youre an 'old head' such as myself and you listen to stations other than 100.3 The Beat....it should have been immediately familiar to you and inspired the all too familiar stream of "Oh oh oh oh oh!" that follows the last stanza. If you're not hip to it (and you should be ashamed by the way), click this link to educate yourself http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbzkwLWK-Ps I'll wait...

*approximately 7 min later*

Ok, now that we're all on the same page, the reason for this blog... I had an interesting conversation with my girl the other day discussing an article she read on Black Love Songs and how basically they've lost their way. Now the song above is the real deal...Here is a man willing to put it all out in the open, no game palying, no ulterior motives and obviously no pride to get in the way. When you combine those elements along with a knack for lyrics, and a mean hook, you've got yourself a real black love song. There's no promise to ice out your wrist, lend you the keys to his whip on ocassion, rescue you from your troublesome life at the gentlemens' club or any other such nonsense. Just the fact that he loves you...period. Sadly today, songs of this type are becoming endangered.

There is so much unintelligible mess on the radio today that its gotten to the point where I dont even listen to anything BUT the more mature stations....A diva can only tolerate hearing Plies' pitiful ode to the sistahs: "Bust It Baby" so many times before I start to actually feel my IQ drop...These days you are truly hard pressed to find a love song specifically by a black performer that resembles the former more so than the latter.

In the article it pointed out that we should feel obligated to put more of a positive emphasis on black love in our music being that we now actually have black love residing in the White House. What better time to reset the tone right? The tide is changing in terms of the way blacks are being viewed in America, now more than ever and its time the music industry stepped up its game and fell in line.

Of course I dont think all our generation's r&b perfomers are a lost cause...Singers like Raheem DeVaughn, Maxwell, Jill Scott, Kindred and Bilal can always be counted on to sing the praises of something other than mind-blowing sex, popping bottles in the VIP or driving really fast in exotic foreign cars while tossing stacks of cash left and right. Their genre lends itself more often to celebrating the sistahs for more than just being shapely, being completely vulnerable to the one you love, and promises of lasting fidelity. They hearken to the soul music greats of the 70s and 80s, and try to emulate those same emotions through their art.

I just hope that artists such as them wont eventually fade away into the sunset of black music history as so many before them. Instead Im holding out hope that more artists will get on board and realize the value in producing music that is encouraging and moving rather than just billboard-topping. I know the lure of the big time superficial record deal has its perks, but if that means you have to sell your art, heart, and soul to the highest bidder...Im hoping some of these folks will take a pass.

Hey if we can have a brother as leader of the free world, we can certainly put out some music that doesnt make you cringe when you hear it right?

here's to real music...and moreover the real love that inspires it...

PS>> Shout out to my girl Omniscient..my 'Resident Content Advisor'!

~Diva :o)

A REAL SIMPLE Guide to Wine

2008-11-12T09:27:00.000-08:00

In light of today's random act of video...I thought I would do a quick post on some wine basics. I found the following helpful guide on http://www.realsimplereallife.com/ (you may have seen the Real Simple magazines at your local grocery stores....great for tips on recipes, interior design, entertaining etc.) Its a great 'how to' on what wines go well with what dishes and is sure to get you off to a great start. Id love to know if any of you readers are avid wine drinkers and have any suggestions for me as well. Im always on the lookout for the perfect wine. Just last night I tried a Cabernet Sauvignon by Lake Sanoma...It was delicious. Now, on to the list:

Cabernet Sauvignon (Red)

What it is: Known as the king of reds, this bold wine has flavors that cover the spectrum from green bell pepper to fresh tobacco to ripe berries. (Choose carefully; it can overpower the flavors of your food.) Goes best with: Rich proteins like steak, burgers, roast beef, lamb, and game meats, plus stewed dishes and aged or strong-smelling cheeses like Brie.

Chardonnay (White)

What it is: A rich white that commonly has pineapple and mango flavors and a buttery, oaky finish. Goes best with: Grilled chicken and fish, creamy sauces (including over pasta), shellfish, veal and pork, rabbit, ripe, and creamy cheeses like Brie and Camembert.

Malbec (Red)

What it is: Grown frequently in Argentina, this robust red resembles Cabernet Sauvignon but with a slightly softer edge and flavors of dried, dark fruit such as black currants and plum. Goes best with: Grilled meats and sausages, steaks, lamb, pizza, hard cheeses such as Parmesan.

Merlot (Red)

What it is: A low-acidity medium-bodied wine that often tastes of plum, berries and currants, it famously took a bruising in the wine-snob movie Sideways. Goes best with: Duck, pasta, red meat, smoked or grilled foods, pork, mushrooms, pizza, chocolate, and full-flavored cheeses.

Pinot Grigio (White)

What it is: Also known as Pinot Gris, this wine tends to be light, dry, and crisp. Goes best with: Shellfish and most light seafood dishes, salads, light pastas, goat and sheep's milk cheeses.

Pinot Noir (Red)

What it is: A lighter-bodied red with cherry and raspberry flavors. Goes best with: Grilled foods, chicken, salmon, ahi tuna, pork, mild cheeses like Swiss, Feta, and Gruyère.

Riesling (White)

What it is: A wine that can be sweet or dry depending on the winemaker, it tends to be fruity, floral, and light. Goes best with: Barbecued seafood, pork, shellfish, summer fruit, creamy cheeses, moderately spicy ethnic foods like Thai and Chinese, salads.

Sauvignon Blanc (White)

What it is: Also known as Fumé Blanc, this citrusy, grassy wine is traditionally light, crisp, and refreshing. Goes best with: White or light fish, grilled vegetables, oysters, fruit, mild cheeses, chicken.

Sparkling Wine (White)

What it is: Wine that is specially fermented to produce carbonation, bubbly hails from all over the world―but only bottles that come from the Champagne region in France can be called the C-word. The sweetness of sparkling wine varies based on the grape variety used and how much sugar is added during the fermentation process, ranging from Brut Natural (the driest) to Doux (very sweet). Goes best with: Appetizers, spicy dishes, shellfish (especially lobster and scallops), caviar, salty foods, sushi, and fruit.

Zinfandel (Red)

What it is: A versatile wine that can be light and fruity or heavy and robust depending on the winemaker and often has flavors of raspberry, blackberry, anise, and pepper. Goes best with: Richly sauced dishes, barbecued meats, pizza, pasta, red meat, turkey, game meats, spicy foods.

Here's to good wine and good friends...

~Diva

The Power of the Human Connection..

2008-11-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

I recently watched the movie, "Hancock" and I really enjoyed it...I know Im a little late on this one but Im usually not one for the action/superhero genre and it took a minute for me to break down and watch it. Im glad I did, but while I loved the writing (Will's character is hilarious and so is Justin Bateman's) and the way the movie was filmed (the scenes were phenomenal) I was more impacted by the underlying less obvious theme the film highlighted: the power of the human connection.

In the movie Will and Charlize find out that theyre both superhumans cut from the same cloth, and essentially 'designed' to complement eachother...Ironically the more they were drawn to one another the weaker they both became. Their connection while intense and undeniable spelled disaster for them. Hence, there was no way if they cared for oneanother that they could remain connected. That concept was so profound to me...and so relavent at the same time because I know the feeling....

All of us at one time or another have been in a relationship with someone who has indelibly affected us; and marked us in a way that is inescapable, regardless of distance, time..whatever. A lifetime could pass between meetings and when you see him/her, your mind immediately takes you back to a time when you were together...and you feel totally defenseless. Even when you know you were toxic for oneanother, you cant help but feel an almost magnetism when in their presence.

If youre lucky your head over rules your heart and you do whats best: sever the ties and leave well enough alone. But if not, and you just have to experience that last rush that comes with opening the door to the past...you're almost always promptly reminded of why that person was in your past in the first place... An all too familiar nod to the fact that nostalgia can be a bi-ch and a mean one at that...

Its hard for us mere mortals to practice self-denial and not surrender to what we want...or in some cases think we need at the moment. Hancock was able to do so in the interest of his and Charlize's well-being, but we ordinary people rarely possess the restraint necessary to do the same. I guess thats all a part of being human though...taking the bumps and bruises, and risking life and limb in the hopes of finding something good on the other side..I suppose its worth it so long as the result is a real and lasting connection. Mental note: attraction is fleeting but a true connection is forever..

here's to making connections...

~Diva

We Made History "My Friends"!!

2008-11-05T10:53:00.000-08:00

Well its official....America is in the grips of an historical and monumental moment..We have just elected the first black President of the United States!! Even as I type these words, they hardly seem real. I sat in a room with family and friends last night: poor and middle class...old and young...white and blue collar...and wept as I embraced what I can only describe as one of the most moving and awe inspiring moments of my life.

In this country not many years ago Black men's beaten and charred bodies hung from trees amidst crowds of cheering whites. They couldnt walk the streets without being victimized on a daily basis. They could be spat upon, chastised and humiliated for the most minor of offenses. Today however black men are free to seize opportunities their ancestors could not have even dared to dream. They are no longer non entities devoid of civil rights and unworthy of respect. Our brother Barack is living proof that all things are possible, and there is no doubt in my mind that God was at the helm of this achievement.

But as he stated last night President cannot do it alone. It is the responsibility of us as a nation to come together and make the change that we're all hoping for. We each have to assume the role of leader and do what others will not do. The days of sitting back and allowing things to happen to us as a people are long gone. We must be proactive and look to an uncertain future with optimism. I am confident that President Obama has all the tenacity, intelligence and grace under fire that we need to usher us into this new era, but only our diligence as a committed and supportive people will see to it that the job is done. But for now let's just bask in the glow of this victory and take it all in. We have truly made history...

Here's to the power of change...YES WE DID!!

~Diva

The 80/20 Rule...

2008-11-04T12:12:00.000-08:00

Girl meets boy..boy seems perfect...boys starts showing his flaws...boy is good to girl and loves her dearly but doesnt clean up after himself or act as girl would like him to at times...Enter new boy. He's less of a pig and is always on his best behavior. Girl leaves said boy for new boy, assusming she's upgrading only to find out that new boy is clean but irresponsible...well behaved but not very bright...

Girl realizes she should have never left boy in the first place.

What you've just witness my friends is a textbook example of the "80/20" rule in action. You see, girl already had 80% of what she needed to be happy but gave it up for the 20% she thought boy was lacking. In doing so, she put herself at a disadvantage, trading in the lion's share of her happiness for the table scraps. This is a mistake commonly made by people who are either unwilling or unable to embrace what they have right in front of them with appreciation.

I first encountered this concept in watching the Tyler Perry film "Why Did I Get Married?". In the film it was Mike, Sheila's husband who betrayed his loving wife and left her for the fleeting pleasure his mistress brought to the table. Here was a man who had a loving, faithful wife willing to do any and everything to keep him happy, and make their marriage work but all he could see was a 'fat girl'. Instead of seeing her for the woman he once pledged his love to, he saw a sexier, slimer option in her homegirl Trina. He soon discovered that Trina (like most women of the "20" variety) had very little to offer beyond the proverbial "big butt and a smile". And of course when it was all said and done it was too late to right his wrong.

People so often miss the point of love and relationships. The point is never to get the hottest chick ever, or the guy with the most possible money, but to find that someone who possesses the perfect blend of characteristics that will lead to longevity and hopefully fidelity. If you nurture and care for your own grass, it deosnt matter how green the other side is. Hence there's no need to wonder what could be, or might be with someone else. Moreover I have news for you, when you're lucky to find someone who truly loves you, theres no such thing as 'trading up' anyway.

Yeah.....that 20 looks pretty good when you think you're missing out on something, but believe me, its hardly worth sacrificing 80 to get it.

Here's to making your next move your best move.

Diva :o)

Where is 'Big Mama' when you need her??

2008-11-03T09:53:00.000-08:00

I went to a local chinese food place to pick up some food on Saturday afternoon and witnessed something that I felt compelled to write about....I placed my order and took a seat, waiting along with an older lady about 65, a woman maybe 45 with her son and say, four young men who all appeared to be in their late teens...We all sat waiting as our orders were called while the young men talked loudly amongst eachother, totally oblivious to their rudeness. I listened against my will, as the topics ranged from one's plans to go pick up his kids (and he looked about 17) , how his whole family was at some boy's funeral who had been shot in the head a few days prior, that he knew some people who planned to retaliate, and how they were going to be in the 'studio' that night. All I could do was shake my head.

Of course they were more than just loud, obnoxious, and disrespectful. They were cursing like nobody's business, pants sagging with their underwear showing, and barking demands for napkins and red pepper to the lady behind the counter. All the while talking about this boy's murder like one would discuss something as trivial as the weather. All I kept wondering was who raised these young men to behave this way?? I know one thing, "Big Mama" sure as hell didnt. Im in my early 30's, but I still came up during the era where grown folks actually RAISED kids...You just couldnt go around cursing and acting like some undisciplined heathen without swift and often painful correction. When I was a teenager, or even today for that matter, there is no way in HELL I would have even considered cursing around one of my elders. And if I had, I would have most certainly been sorry for it later.

Couple that with the sense of indifference and callous nature of these young mens' demeanor and you have a receipe for why the black community is no longer a community. Gone are the days of the 'village to raise a child' mentality, and "big mama" . Hell these days she's too worried she gonna get robbed by one of these little houligans to even open her mouth when she sees the kinds of things that go on today. Its a shame too because the "big mama's" of the old school are part of the reason why some of these men turned out as well as they did. Big mamas were the mothers AND fathers they needed when some young boys had neither. They dished out the love, structure, and swats to the behind necessary to mold them into responsible adults. These days we have too many young women who dont know the first thing about parenting, struggling through it on their own, without a much needed support system. The fact that the fathers arent around as much anymore doesnt exactly help matters either.

I pray that what I saw on Saturday is not indicative of whats going on with our young men in our community as a whole. If it is...people, we have GOT to do better. Somebody call Big Mama...we need her!

~diva :o\

The Horror..I mean "Whore-er"....

2008-11-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

Ok so ..I went with one of my homeboys and best homegirls to a Halloween party on Friday night....I dont know what I was expecting but...it was one of the worst things I had been to in a long....long time. I thought halloween was a time to show your more creative/expressive side...to show your alter ego in a sense...Well if thats the case, half of St. Louis' ladies aspire to be whores on the side. Before I could even get within yards of the party's entrance I was bombarded by an onslaught of latex, vinyl mini skirts, fishnets, thigh high boots, protruding boobs and booty cheeks that would have made even Uncle Luke cringe...And those were the ones who were covered up! I even saw a chick who actually wore yellow police tape wrapped around her bottom half with a two makeshift pasties over her breasts. I dont even want know what the hell she was supposed to be...She was no looker so I guess she was just out to get attention the best way she knew how...But the tape was nevertheless an appropriate choice because she definitely looked like a crime scene to me :o( wrong... just wrong...

Then to add insult to injury I dressed as one of the robbers from the movie Dead Presidents, which I thought was pretty creative, only to look up and see two separate crews of guys dressed as the same thing! Then had the nerve to give me the side eyes like I stole their idea. Of course guys were still hitting on me even though my face was covered in black and white face paint....but Im still not sure whether it was the fact that they actually thought I might be cute under the makeup or if they were just attracted to the whole 'criminal' vibe...lol

All in all..I would say the night was a bust...My boy, who is a self-professed womanizer, couldnt even stand to stay longer than 90min...despite the fact that he was surrounded by butt-naked women...I mean, seriously how many slutty cops and naughty nurses can one person take?! I REALLY knew it was time to go when I saw Strawberry Shortcake and her homegirl Robin (from the) Hood..both of whom were easily a size 18, wearing costumes CLEARLY designed for a girl about a size 6. I should have gotten that "fashion police" costume I saw online...I would have been handing out citations left and right...

And to top it off..I didnt even get any freaking candy!!

Oh the HORROR!!! *blood curddling screams*

Diva :o)

Condolences and Reflections...

2008-10-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that like me you've been watching and listening in horror as developments have unfolded concerning Jennifer Hudson's family. Its so interesting how in the African American community we tend to feel personally hurt and impacted when a tragedy such as this touches any one of us, famous or not. When I heard of the deaths of her mother and brother, all I could think was , "My God....this is awful" I could barely find the words when I heard about her nephew's body being found as well. I cannot even fathom what it must be like for her to wake up everyday with a burden of grief this heavy on her heart. Here this woman is blessed with a beautiful gift and the opportunity of a lifetime to share it with the world and this lunatic comes along and takes three of the most precious people in her life away from her in an instant.

For me this is more than just a sad reminder of the frailty and fleeting nature of life. Its a lesson in choices and how they can impact us as well as others. I suspect that when Jennifer's sister Julia chose this man to love and accept into her heart and life that she never imagined he could do something so heinous and violent. Apparently she loved him despite his past trangressions and chose to accept him nonetheless. Now, I am in NO WAY blaming her for what has happened in her family. It is an unspeakable tragedy and only that man can be held responsible for his actions. I just wonder had she never met him.....never loved him...or never let him into her life if things would have gone differently for all parties concerned. If she had fallen in love with a decent man, with a good heart, and not this monster, would we still be bombarded with headlines like, "Chicago Mourns Over Hudson Tragedy"? Moreover I think about what must be going through Julia's mind these days. We can only hope that she doesnt blame herself for all thats happened and either never recover from the grief or try to harm herself because of it. I dont think that family could withstand another loss.

Everyday we make choices. Some are seemingly insignificant at the time; like where to go for dinner. Other choices are ultimately life altering decisions that determine the courses of our lives. Sometimes who we choose to love can be just such a decision. I pray that situations like this cause us to take a moment to ponder that.

Here's to choosing wisely....

Skinhead Murder Plot Foiled By FBI Agents

2008-10-28T20:17:00.000-07:00

On a more disturbing and less fabulous note....FBI and ATF agents jailed two idiot skinheads today and through their investigation uncovered a racist murder plot said to culminate to the murder of Presidential hopeful Barack Obama. Apparently the two were first plotting to randomly murder (by beheading) several African American students at a TN high school..and later set out on a mission to kill Obama drive-by style while wearing white tuxedos and matching top hats *blank stare* Agents are doubtful that the plan would have come to fruition as no information on Obama's whereabouts or scheduled appearances were to be found. This raises two very pressing concerns for me: One, I question the level of intelligence and sanity of anyone who has convinced himself that he can murder a Presidential candidate amidst a crowd of thousands AND get away scott free while wearing a conspicuous white tuxedo and top hat...And secondly, Im now wondering whether America is truly ready to have a black man as President. As much as it pains me to say it....I just dont know people...*fingers crossed*

"You Can't Handle The Truth" (...Or Can You??)

2008-10-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well in another interesting development..my blog has in fact sparked an entirely new blog. Some of you may remember the list that sparked my most recent post "25 Things Ill need to know...." (if not read the original list here http://divaroyale.blogspot.com/2008/10/20-things-my-husband-will-know.html Well on this list one of the things my husband needed to know was that it was NEVER ok to lie to me...EVER.

That in and of itself was the topic of another conversation with Mr. X where he referenced a conversation from the movie Baby Boy where Jody comments: "...I lie to you because I care about your feelings"

Now I can just about guess what most sistahs said to themselves after hearing that one...Im sure it was something along the lines of a high pitched "negro PUH-leese!" While on the other hand Im sure most brothers responded with a resounding, "EXACTLY!". But ladies, before you start rolling your necks and you brothers start dapping eachother up. ..First, consider something that I had to ponder last night: Sometimes the truth hurts and we're really not ready to hear it.

Now Im not saying that Im taking back what I said about lying...I still think its wrong. However Im also the kind of woman who doesnt ask questions I dont want to know the answers to. I'm not gonna start interrogating you about what the sex with your ex was like, whether I do in fact look fat in these, or what I do that annoys you..unless Im prepared to hear the truth...even if its ugly..

But the real question is: what does 'knowing the truth' really afford us in any given situation? Will you really gain anything other than misery and/or anger, or will the truth give you the basis you need to make a better decision now that you have all of the information?

For example ladies, would you really want to know if your man cheated on you before you were married, just once, if he never saw the woman again? Or brothers, can your ego really handle knowing that your woman's ex used to put it DOWN in the bedroom and you dont even compare to him..even though she's now your wife??

I think that Jody should have subscribed to the Pietro Aretino (15th Cent. Italian author) way of thinking when it comes to this subject, which simply says:

“I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies.”

Maybe theres something to this whole truth and feelings thing...But perhaps its more so about not divulging hurtful information ie: an omission vs telling a lie. If those are my choices...I think Ill stick with not knowing in some instances. Its just...less complicated I think.

~Diva

25 Things (Yes 25) That I'll need to know as a future wife...

2008-10-22T08:05:00.000-07:00

Ok ....so I was having a conversation w/ "Mr. X" last night...who is actually a friend of mine and we were discussing my blog concerning the 20 things I wanted my future husband to know. After reading my list and posting a comment his response to me was a challenge to think of even 10 things I thought I needed to know/work on etc. He said he was only expecting ten because in his words, he "knew I couldnt come up with 20"...I guess his assumption is that Im too arrogant to think there could possibly be more than 10 things I still actually need to master and or understand fully before becoming someone's wife :o) Well Mr. X....I accept your challenge and I will have you know that I was very thoughtful in compiling the list below and while I do admit Im a work in progress regarding some...Im pretty sure Ive gotten a few under my belt already..I hope he and other brothers who might read this will agree that its a pretty good list nonetheless.

25 Things That I'll Need to Know as a Future Wife:

1. That Monday Night Football and or the NBA Finals are NOT appropriate times to discuss our relationship...

2. That time with his friends is essential to his sanity...

3. That I shouldnt hold him accountable for mistakes made by my last man...

4. How to pick my battles and not make an issue out of everything...

5. How to love his child(ren) as if they are my own...(if applicable)...

6. How to prepare his favorite meals...

7. How to play my part in a way that makes it easy for him to play his...

8. How to prepare his favorite cocktail...

9. That acting 'catty' in the presence of his ex is NOT attractive...

10. That sometimes we're going to have to agree to disagree...

11. How to party with him and enjoy his company like we're best friends...

12. That catering to his needs (ie: bringing him a beer, or his plate @ dinner time) does not compromise me as a woman...

13. That whole "lady in the street but a........" thing...you know the phrase...

14. Moreover, how to stimulate him MENTALLY....

15. That Playstation/Xbox for some men are legitimate hobbies...

16. That its ok to celebrate HIM and pick up the check sometimes...

17. How to tell him the truth in love, even when he doesnt want to hear it...

18. That every man is not cut out to be a "Brooks Brothers" type...

19. How to make his mother adore me...

20. To take an interest in his interests...

21. Thats "keeping up w/ the Jones'" should not be top priority...

22. That a man's wealth and worth are not synonymous terms...

23. What his buttons are, and how not to push them...

24. That a man's ego is fragile, and should be handled with care...

25. There is such a thing as comfortable silence...

There...mission accomplished...

Thanks for reading and please offer comments and additions if I missed any :o)

~DIVA

These chicks are on my "List"

2008-10-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

Ok so...Ive talked w/ a few of my homegirls about this..and i figured its about time I blogged about it. I have this list...more an unofficial black list actually of chicks (mostly sistahs) in the industry who I really wish would go somewhere and just sit down or fall off into obscurity so that I dont have to deal with their nonsense anymore. Who are these lucky ladies you ask?? here goes...my official "Diva's Random Listing of Intolerable Broads" complete with a rationale for each chick:

1. Golden Brooks- I cant stand this one because...well for one her hair is almost

ALWAYS a traveshamockery of a mess...she always has this hoochie-esque quality to her that annoys the ish outta me and...I always hated her character on 'Girlfriends'. Toni was right... she WAS ghetto..

2. Gabriell Union- Now Gabrielle is different....I dont dislike because I find her to

be devoid of talent..and I actually do think she's pretty fabulous....but I find her to

have this plastic facade of a personality that seems way too forced and artificial...

Pretty fugaze if you ask me...Im not feeling it...

3. Megan Goode- Now I KNOW Im not alone on this one...This chick annoys me for

enough reasons to dedicate an entirely separate blog to...In short she doesnt have any talent..and she pretty much always looks like either a hooker in training, a little girl playing dress up in her mom's clothes...or an extra in a Luke video...In either case her contrived sexy vixen persona is wack...and unoriginal...next...

4. "Pepa" - Now dont get me wrong...I used to get my groove on to "Push It" with

the best of em..but I cant STAND Pepa...No matter what the event, the attire, etc...

this broad just never looks refined..or classy. Ive seen her out in some pretty

serious gowns and she still looked like one of those ghetto prom chicks whose photos get circulated all over the internet every year for looking like a damn fool...you know the ones...

5. Vivica Fox- On top of the fact that she PLAYED herself over 50 of all cats

(how could we forget that debacle)...she just has that girl from the hood demeanor a little too much for my liking. Again, she's another one who is always trying to pull off this air of sophistication...unsuccessfully...seems like the type of chick who would break of a beer bottle and come at you in a club fight....definitely rough around the edges despite the money and fame...

6. New York- Three reasons (b/c I had to narrow it down) why this chick definitely

needs to be on the list: 1. she looks like a damn muppet every time I see her...2.

she apparently doesnt have ANY clothes in her size 3. she's a loud, obnoxious moron who wouldnt know class if it hit her in the face...which after looking @ this picture I actually wouldnt mind doing right now....Maybe its the teal blue eyeshadow we've all come to know and hate, or perhaps her chain smoking of Newport cigarettes...whatever it is, this broad makes me itch just looking @ her...and dont even get me started on those over-stuffed monstrosities she calls breasts..uhh..i cant take any more...

These are the only ones I have to add to the RLIB @ the moment...but Ill probably be making additions in the near future stay tuned...

~DIVA

Pics From Spirit of Life Event....

2008-10-17T08:31:00.001-07:00

Tons of celebs hit the Spirit of Life Event, honoring Universal CEO Doug Morris that took place on Wednesday.

Including Will I Am's wack a**..( i cant stand him and his pseudo-intellectual, "musical genius" facade.....)moving on...and of course the blackest brother left on the planet...Akon...Hey, dont get me wrong I LOVE.. LOVE an uber-black man.....DARKNESS!!<

Erykah Badu performed...wearing a getup that I can only describe as hobo-chic?? I love her but...Im still not sure if Erykah is even legally sane or not..I got some people on that though...

and of course Keyshia was there too....not to be outdone by Erykah's antics...this heffa showed up wearing this trave-sham-ockery of a dress...Looks like the seamstress was half done w/ it and just threw her hands up like, "fu*k it...its not like Oprah is gonna be wearing this ish..." Either that or there was a sale @ Sears....

and speaking of a trave-sham-ockery .....*rubbing my temples in frustration* ...next

And what random celebrity event would be complete w/o an appearance by everybody's favorite hip-pop star...Rhianna...Still dont know how I feel about that hair cut, but the dress suits her..I was kinda giving her side eyes for the snakeskin bag and leopard belt...but whatever

President Carter made an appearance as well...Looking dapper in his tux..but also looking like some 'Olay Regenerist' might be in order. Hov is starting to look a little long in the tooth :o\

And last but certainly not least Robin Thicke performed as well....This cat has got me seriously considering dating a white guy...I finally broke down and bought his CD yesterday....and like some Mickie D's...Im Lovin It! Yall need to check it out as well....

To Swag or Not to Swag.....

2008-10-15T13:28:00.001-07:00

Swagger: noun; see also savoir-faire; the quality of possessing swag; carrying oneself with an air of non-arrogant confidence; the epitome of sexy meets finesse. A man's ..."swagger"...thats something Ive been thinking about the past few days....Ive been considering just how much that quality can make or break a man...particularly a black man...in some cases it mean the difference b/w leaving with the party with the woman's number (and a fake to boot)...and leaving with the woman...

To me swagger isnt about a contrived act of 'posing'..you know strategically planning your look..your attitutude.. your walk...its about a natural coolness..an 'im the man' attitutude that few men can pull off flawlessly...Personally i consider myself somewhat a swag connoisseur...I actually seek opportunities to identify where it exists...and where it is desperately needed...i like to observe brothers in their natural swag-habitat...sort of like the crocodile hunter...but w/o the accent or chance of being bitten by a snake :o)

I have found that parties are obviously the best environments to do this as its commonly the place where they feel compelled to bring their A game swagger...This is when youre going to see them putting what they feel is their best foot forward ...their hottest ensemble...nicest shoes...trendiest of accessories..etc...which basically translates into unadulterated swagger...Its when they try TOO hard that this becomes a problem....you always get those few imposters..I believe "foo-gay-zee" is the word?? The posers who habitually ruin the vibe with their 'everybody look at me' antics....akin to what one might see at a Ringling Bros. circus...loud...tacky..obnoxiously popping bottles in the VIP for all to see...BAD LOOK.

I prefer the brother who is more in the background than the foreground...secure enough to let his personality and his attitude do the talking...instead of his mouth...the one content to just be seen w/o announcing himself will get my vote every time...Original fashion sense (not stupid...just innovative) and a great smile will get you far as well..All this to say...Swagger= instant attraction for me...If I can get that along w/ some sense, good credit and a brain to match, Im officially gonna be off the market.

OPI Unveils "La Collection"

2008-10-15T09:56:00.000-07:00

OPI...One of my FAVORITE nail color brands presents its line of fashion forward fall colors that are sure to make any haute girl take notice. With names like, "YOU DON'T KNOW JACQUES!" and "TICKLE MY FRANCE-Y" and hues spanning from the deepest plums to the faintest of lilacs...there's no way you won't find a color you adore in this line. I love wearing those deep vampy shades on my toes this time of year. Pair that look with a pair of hot peep toe pumps and you've got a look that'll make the guys say, "Oui Oui!"

And the "Queen Hater" Award Goes To...

2008-10-15T09:21:00.000-07:00

So looks like in addition to being comepletely talentless and just about the tackiest woman to hit the small screen this Millenium, Miss "New York" AKA Tiffany Pollard can now be crowned the Queen Hater. Apparently since Punk from "I Love New York" decided to upgrade from trashy to classy by proposing to Jennifer Hudson, she's had this to say: "Its a mixed match...it won't work". ??? Riiiiiight..Kinda like the match between a classless, obnoxious chicken head in bad makeup and worse clothes and an attractive Harvard grad? *side eyes* Im sure that the fact that New York has issues with the engagement has nothing to do with the fact that "Punk" has moved on to be with one of the most gifted and respected women in her field and that she's stuck doing go sees at bootleg casting companies for less than fabulous roles in bogus low budget films...Maybe if she took off some of that horrific eye makeup and found her way to a charm school she'd be able to get a decent man and a perhaps legitmate career; Thereby not allowing so much spare time to spend sitting around stewing over someone who is CLEARLY not thinking about her...

Now Im not saying that the engagement is totally legit...cuz Lord knows I was like WTF?? when it first hit the headlines...but thats no excuse for this broad to go around giving her unsolicited (hateful) two cents. Especially after having been jilted by Flava Flav?? She is clearly not an authority on the subject of long lasting relationships or well-matched couples.

PS...Im still waiting on the show "I Hate New York" When they do the casting for that one..Im there..

Here's to putting chicks in their place..

-Diva

Men Tell It Like It Is (Or Isnt) In the Latest Issue of ESSENCE...

2008-10-14T12:48:00.001-07:00

So If youre looking to get inside the mind of your man the ESSENCE article, "What Black Men Wish Black Women Knew (But Don't Tell Them)" might just fit the bill. In it brothers are dishing on everything from sex to their finances. Apprently we all need to be perking up our ears for this one. For instance in response to the all too common, "Why wont you talk to me??", one brother offers this gem of wisdom:

"Silence doesn't mean that I'm bored with you."
This is for the woman who thinks her man's quiet nature is a sign the relationship is in trouble. Silence to a Black man does not mean we have run out of things to talk about or we're unhappy with you. It actually means we're so comfortable around you that we don't feel the need to say anything at all.
On quiet Sunday afternoons, some men don't like to interact with anyone outside of their home, and they don't want to be in work mode. Some guys cut their cell phone off to avoid talking to family and friends about anything. There are those times when we just want to do nothing and say nothing. (And yes, playing Madden NFL on our Xbox counts.) I love when I am in my woman's company relaxing and not feeling the need to show her "attention." I'm on the couch watching a movie and she's at the other end reading a book. On our chill days, the silence is usually broken with one of us saying, "I'm hungry." Then we just stare at each other because we're both too lazy to move.

Yeah....Im thinking of heading the Walgreens to pick up a copy asap

Here's to getting the inside scoop..

Layla's new little bundle

2008-10-14T12:28:00.000-07:00

Presenting Layla Ali's new little munchkin..This could quite possibly be the most precious thing Ive seen..ever..And how bad am I hating on her for having a beautiful baby AND her body back like 8 days later?? Say it with me now, "awwwwww" Aint love grand??? :o)

The Secret Life of Bees..Definite Must See

2008-10-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

I went to a sneak preview of this film with one of my girls last week and I must say it is one of the best films I've seen in a long time. This movie more than deserves all the Oscar buzz its been getting. The characters in the movie all display a sense of warmth dignity and resilience we can all aspire to have as we move through this life. You'd be crazy not to rally all the divas in your circle and hot foot it to the nearest theater this weekend. Whether youre black white latina...whatever..this is a film that will touch you and uplift you in a way few films do these days. You'll love it...take the Diva's word for it...and some Kleenex. Youre gonna need them :o)

The Diva

New Beyonce....too cute!!

2008-10-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

If you havent checked out the new Beyonce cut...you definitely need to. "Put a Ring On It" is my new theme song as it sums up the four words I need to be screaming from every rooftop these days...I've been combing exes outta my hair the last few days and this song couldnt be any more appropriate. The video is simple and very chic...sort of a mix of Bob Fosse meets caberet ...and those eight counts are vicious honey!!

Have a seat @ the video bar and check it out...Its the top pick for this week...

Here's to getting some bling...and a commitment to boot :o)

The Diva

Thoughts on Love......

2008-10-13T20:19:00.001-07:00

Ok so Im sitting here listening to Dwele and realizing that its been awhile since the last time I was in love...Come to think of it, the last time I thought I was, I was a completely different woman from the one I am today. I was younger...more naive...more forgiving...But in time I found that age, wisdom and forgiveness are all a part of falling in and out of love. Sometimes theyre the difference between wedded bliss and being unhappily ever after...or the thin line that lies between playing your part and playing the fool. I have had both good and bad loves in my life. From all of them I learned a little more about who I am and what I want and need from a man.

I learned that I dont have to settle...that sex and love dont always go hand in hand..that skeletons dont always remain in closet...that everyone has 'issues' no matter how well-camouflaged they are....

But most importantly I've learned that love, while elusive..is a beautiful thing if youre fortunate to have it...I watched a movie once and one of the actors summed it all up with the following quote from La Rochefaucold: "True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does."

Heres to finding unhidden love....

~The Diva

Another one bites the dust...

2008-10-11T21:35:00.000-07:00

OK....so is Raegan Gomez really old enough to be posted up boy-short clad on the cover of KING magazine?? If so, Im both disappointed AND old....I can remember not that long ago (or so it would seem) that cute little kid running around the set of the The Parent'hood...And ps, Im sure Robert Townsend is somewhere shaking his head..Suddenly Im browsing the web looking for something to rant about for a new post and I see her front and center on the cover in an almost chi-chi bearing men's dress shirt and some damn panties?? Really?? Ok call me an old head but seriously...whats w/ these random former child tv stars turned video chick/sex kitten?? Im so confused. I mean first Rudy Huxtable and now this?? I remember I almost passed out seeing her in a damn La Perla lingerie set back when she was in Chingy's video...There must be a conspiracy...Whats the deal, are there just no roles for talented YOUNG sistahs anymore or something? Apparently theyre being told, " Girl you need to be in this new T.I. video...its about to blow up..and it'll do WONDERS for your career..But first here...put on this hoochie get-up..because we wouldnt want anyone to get distracted by your talent while trying to get a gander at that booty" wtf......ok maybe im just sleepy and a little wound up but something just seems wrong with that whole situation...

I dont know if some sort of sistah coalition needs to be called to diminish this ever growing population of young divas turned hooch or what..but someone needs to do something. Get Spike and John Singleton on this...Call Oprah..cause Lord knows if anyone can make something happen she can. I mean I understand that sex sells...and that there wouldnt be a market for magazines like KING unless people wanted to buy it, but theres something to be said for women who are making a decision to post up half nude because they want to..and those who do it because they dont feel they have much choice. A woman's beauty shouldnt have to be put on display in a way that competely obscures who she is...turning her into nothing more than a Fembot-like creature with too much makeup and too little clothes....Im sure women like Raegen will swear they did it 'for themselves' but in about 20 yrs Im sure they'll feel the same as Vanessa Williams did about those 'questionable' pics she took when she was young and misguided...Sometimes the past doesnt always remain in the past...Perhaps thats something these young women should consider while they are taking it all off in the name of fame...Thats my 4 cents....Im going to bed...

Here's to not doing the most for once..

The Diva

What is REALLY going on??

2008-10-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

I went out a few times over the weekend which for me has been a little uncommon lately. It seems when I go out I always find that Im disappointed for one reason or another. This weekend however it was hard for me not to notice the way men tend to gravitate toward women who have little to offer them but the obvious. I've been to a few places recently and it appeared as though the women w/ the worst weaves, shortest skirts, loudest mouths, etc. got the bulk of attention. Now this isnt THAT surprising since you would expect a nearly naked female drunk and loud in the middle of the dance floor to get alot of attention, but when I looked more closely they seemed to be the ONLY women getting any attention. Glancing around the room you could spot maybe 20 women all stylishly (yet completely) dressed, smiling and talking to one another w/o a brother in sight. I wondered to myself, "What kind of woman do you men really want?" I hear men complain about how these women out here arent about anything and how they cant find a good one yet i often find myself surrounded by attractive intelligent women who are single. I can already hear some of the brothas saying "hey, maybe its you!" but seriously, that cant always be the case, can it? I went to Mandarin on Saturday for the 1st time and I was really impressed with the whole scene. That is until i was hit with a barage of black men walking past whole groups of sisters, to get closer to our more drunk less attractive counterparts. I had black guys even avoid eye contact w/ me rather than simply say hello, but yet damn near knock a few people over to get a shot @ one of the many many many white women who were there (later i saw one of them taking his new lady home w/ him). But race isnt even the issue here. Its the fact that I know there ARE available quality black men out here...and there are obviously available quality black women as well, so I have to ask "why arent we getting together?" Have we gotten to the point where brothers are making efforts not to date black women? Are sisters buying into the whole 'no good black men' philosophy we hear about so much? I dont know the answer, but maybe you do....Send me a message/comment with your thoughts. Im interested in knowing what all of you think...

Wondering whats really going on...and hoping someone can tell me...
~The Diva

Are you with the WRONG somebody??

2008-10-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

Are You With The Wrong Somebody?
Recently, Ive been getting bombarded with news and headlines about this story so much so that I decided to address it in my blog. For those of you who were unaware of this story it broke a few days ago and the details are pretty horrific. The accused was recently charged with the murder of Ms. Steward following an investigation of calls from neighbors who complained of a burning stench coming from his patio grill. Apparently Shepherd was unable to handle the news that Tynesha who recently ended their relationship, had moved on and was seeing someone else. Instead of handling this like a man, he took the most heinous and cowardly route imaginable. He murdered her (dismembered her body that is) and burned the remains using an outdoor grill. The complaints went on for two days until finally the police decided to pay Sheperd a visit. Initially Shepherd lied and apologized for the disruption, but later admitted to strangling Steward and dumping her body in a nearby landfill. Days later he confessed to the truth of the deed but by that time there was nothing left of Steward's body.
One neighbor recalled how Shepard would often invite people over for cook-outs using that same grill, and was appalled and disturbed by the news saying, "I thought he was a nice normal person. I guess you never know what your neighbors are doing." I talked with and older gentleman who is a sort of mentor to me about this situation and he imparted to me some very simple but very profound words: "Sometimes its better to have nobody than the wrong somebody". Those few words said so much.
As women we often get so caught up in the idea of being in a relationship and having someone that we lower our standards and choose out of desperation rather than out of what we want or deserve to have. Fortunate for most of us we don't meet with the same demise. This story is a glaring example of how choosing the wrong man can not only be damaging to the spirit but as in this case a fatal mistake. We have to be SO careful who we decide share our lives, bodies and hearts with ladies. You never quite know what people are capable of sometimes until its too late. It saddens me to think of how this young woman's life could have been had she not chosen this man. She may have seen something in his character early on and been dismissive thinking it was an isolated incident instead of a bright red "something is wrong here" flag. Or like many of us she could have been completely blind-sided. In either case it's a shame that it cost her young life. We have to start thinking with our minds instead of our emotions and make choices for our lives and not just for the moment. Even with careful consideration we can never predict what someone will or wont do, but inmost cases you can rely on your instincts. If your gut is telling you he is not "the one" then he probably isn't. If you're reading and you find yourself lingering on that thought for more than a few seconds, perhaps you need to ask yourself, are YOU with the wrong somebody?

here's to making hard but necessary choices......
~Diva

Sistah on Standby....

2008-10-09T11:18:00.000-07:00

Im a Sistah on Stand-By
I was talking with one of my sorors recently who seems to think I have just totally given up on the brothas. I've even jokingly proclaimed myself the Supreme BBW (bitter black woman) which I think is hilarious, because its really not the case :o) To be clear I actually haven't given up the brothas. I've simply changed my views on dating and seeking the right person. I have like many of you reading this blog been hurt, betrayed or otherwise disappointed by someone who appeared to be one way and then actually revealed his/herself to be someone different all together. Instead of following my first mind and completely shutting down, I've opted instead to place myself on what I call my "stand-by" mode. Consider a PC that's been shut down. At first glance its difficult to determine whether its on or off, what programs are available, etc. If you were to walk into a computer lab and see one PC with its screen up and fully functional right beside one whose isn't, most people would view the blank screen as a sign of extended inactivity, and not even bother to deal with it, preferring to forego the tedious task of rebooting. On the flip side there's the PC on stand-by which appears to be shut down as well, but if you're patient enough to do so, all it takes is a jiggle of the mouse or a quick tap on the keyboard and voila! The PC you thought would be a chore to reboot functions with ease after all. It simply took for you take that extra step to go beyond your first assumption to realize what you were truly dealing with. I feel confident in saying this is the way a lot of brothers feel when they enter a room full of single sisters. Some appear to be 'shut down', pissed off or totally uninterested in what they have to say or offer before they even make a move. Their very demeanor says "Negro, don't even bother", so in most cases you don't. Men anticipate stress and unnecessary drama when they encounter a woman of this nature, and don't feel like troubleshooting the damage that may have been caused by the previous user, so needless to say they avoid them at all cost. On the other hand you have the "stand-by" sisters: they may appear to be shut down minus the surly presence of the aforementioned, but they're open to the few brothers with the confidence to stop and take a closer look. After all things aren't always what they seem. Now I admit I used to be Queen Sister Shut-Down (and still am depending on the day, but Im working really hard to be oteriwise). But I've discovered two very important lessons in recent months: 1. Life is too short to hold onto the past, 2. Some things (relationships included) just aren't meant to be. That being said, I'm open to love just not to nonsense, and am now better able to make the distinction between someone destined to be a great love, a great friend…and someone to simply chalk up to life experience. So for the record I haven't shut down…not even close. I'm just making myself available for the RIGHT brother to stop and tap on the keys. And hey if things don't turn out quite the way I liked, I can always CTRL+ALT+DELETE and start over fresh!

Here's to loving/living in standby people!

The Art of Conversation....

2008-10-09T11:17:00.002-07:00

I was watching a movie recently and there was a scene where this couple in an effort to get to know one aonther better, decided to go to a nearby bistro for dinner. This was nothing out of the ordinary until the two of them began engaing in probably one of the best damn 'first date' conversations Ive ever heard. I mean I literally had to pause the film and write this blog right then and there...Now I know some of you are still wondering where Im going with this, so in short....what occurred to me was that I couldnt even remember the last time I had a truly, interesting or in depth conversation with a man. Now Im not speaking of the typical 'tell me about yourself' conversations we all have when first meeting one another, but real conversation: religious views, the kind of wife you want one day, your fears, how you view your life right now. The realization of this was so profound I found myself feeling a little slighted. I mean I have great conversations with girlfriends, aunts, my mom, my assistant at work..all females of coure, but its a rare occurrence when it comes to the men in my life.Now thats not a negative commentary on the men, or a blow against their intelligence, or ability to carry on this type of engaging, truly fullfilling style of communication....Its quite the opposite in most cases. I find that most of my male friends, ex's etc. are all very intelligent and witty as well, but just arent really into the 'deep conversation' thing...Perhaps this is just another case of Men being from Mars and Women from Venus, but I dont think so. Thats cant be true in all cases. Then on the other hand I think much of it has to do with the fast paced, text messaging, emailing, 'leave me a voicemail' world that we've come to reside in. Technology has nearly eliminated the need for any verbal communication at all, thus most people lack the desire for it or I guess in some cases, the skill to use it effectively. I read once that you should marry someone who you can have great talks with because thats one trait that will last well beyond the good looks, and all the materials things. Show me two lovers over the age of 70 who can still smile and laugh together, and Ill show you two people who have all the happiness they need between them. All this to say the art of conversation is a beautiful thing. If youre good at it you can make big money, or make a great point; talk yourself out of a jam or into one; you can profess your love and even your hate, or just be damn good at keeping a woman like me interested for the long haul. Im still looking forward to some good conversation...

Here's to talking the talk......

General thoughts on life...

2008-10-09T11:17:00.001-07:00

Life...in General
Ok yall....I just watched "Sicko" the latest Michael Moore documentary on America's health care issues. All I can say is <> I stumbled upon it on the hum-bug while looking for something else on the new tv link website (if you dont know about it, hit me up and Ill explain later :o). I applaud him for his efforts to expose the harsh and shameful truths about our far from perfect America. I dont want to spoil it for those of you intrigued enough to check it out on your own but it really got me thinking about life in general and how we value it at times (in the literal and figurative sense). People take the frailty of life for granted. We get bogged down in the daily stress of trying to maintain so much so we forget to acknowledge what we DO have while constantly adding to the list of things we dont. But trust me, no matter what youre going through in your life right now however bleek it may seem, theres someone out there, perhaps even closer than you think who is catching hell twice as bad. Someone you may or may not know is wondering how theyre going to keep the bank from taking their house this month, didnt have a father to talk to this past father's day, is suffering through a terminal illness and has no idea how the hospital bills are going to get paid...You name it and I bet someone you or I know is going through it. You never know the kind of misery other people are in when youre only focused on what you consider to be your own. I remember months ago I was driving home late at night after going out with some friends when I spotted a young woman about my age standing on the stoop of an abandoned building. Now it had to be about 2:30 am so I figured she was probably an addict out late looking for some drugs...or something else if you know what I mean. Turns out I was right, she was an addict and a prostitute but when I looked closely I realized I KNEW her. When she looked at me I could tell she didnt recognize me but I immediately remembered her face. She was a girl I had gone to junior high and high school with. In talking to a friend I found out she had been out on the streets crack addicted for the past few years. "Most times her family doesnt know whether shes alive or dead". Those were the words my friend used. I felt like a fool when I thought about all the insignificant things I was so 'stressed out about'. But sometimes it takes for you to see a man w/o feet to stop complaining that you have no shoes. Couple that with the fact that I could have died in 2006 in a roll over car crash...but yet walked away without a scratch..and the word: GRATEFUL comes to mind. That is my word to any of you reading this. Take a moment to appreciate what you have in your life today, or for that matter the fact that you HAVE life...People always say 'tomorrow is not promised' but when you think about it..nether was today. Live accordingly :o)

~The Diva~

20 Things My Husband Will Know...

2008-10-09T11:14:00.000-07:00

20 Things My Future Husband Will Know...
I wont get into my reasons why I created this list...Lets just say I felt the need to clarify some things :o)20 Things My Future Husband Will Know: (in no particular order)

1. the right fork to use @ a formal dinner

2. that nobody designs a better engagement ring than Tiffany & Co.

3. the difference between 'your' and 'you're' when writing

4. how to make the people I love, love him, by the way he loves me

5. how to balance his strength with his compassion

6. my birthday without having to be reminded

7. how to pay his bills on time

8. how to compromise

9. how to properly clean a bathroom

10. how to pair a fine wine with a good meal

11. how to prepare the perfect 'Cosmopolitan' cocktail

12. that it is never ok to lie to me...ever

13. how to change a flat tire

14. how to cry without worrying whether he looks 'weak'

15. the two lead characters in the movie "Pulp Fiction"

16. that you don't need to put rims on an $80,000 car

17. how to dress appropriately for any occasion

18. the difference between intelligence and wisdom

19. that God is real...and so is the Devil

20. how to discipline our kid(s) with love and not fear

This isnt a comprehensive list, but its a start :o)

~The DivaRoyale

Knowing When to Say When Part 1

2008-10-09T11:12:00.002-07:00

'Know when to say when' is a phrase reserved most often for discussions about drinking, playing poker, spending money…or any situation when its best that you have a firm grasp on your limitations. Recently though, Ive realized that there's another appropriate use of this phrase: when it comes to relationships. Its usually rather commendable when you see someone truly devoted whose ready to lay it all on the line for a relationship, someone whose "ride or die" so to speak. But theres a fine line between that and becoming a gossip topic in your circle of friends where they simply shake their heads whenever your name gets mentioned. I admit Ive been burned by the whole 'I gave that ni**a everything…and THIS is what I get in return?!' scenario. But now that Im wiser and (a little older unfortunately) I see that it wasn't HIS fault…it was my own. You cant expect people to be inside your head or your heart when it comes to a relationship, thus you cant expect them to act, feel or do the same as you would all the time. So just because youre willing to play Chaka Kahn and go through the fire, don't expect your mate to automatically feel the same way. And if he/she ends up disappointing you, well that's just the risk you run when you decide to get involved with someone.

And I admit of course that love isn't fair as cliché as that sounds but few things in life are. To quote one of the characters from Love Jones, "Love.. passion…it is what it is". So there is no formula that is guaranteed to make a relationship work or last. If you sleep with one too early, abstaining wont guarantee true love the next time around; the same way one man cheating on you doesn't necessarily mean that the next one will. One bit of truth though, relationships have an expiration date. I know all of you have been in a situation, whether it was a stint of uncomfortable silence, or an awkward phone conversation where when it was over…you KNEW it was over…literally. The key is to listen to that voice that tells you "keep it moving playboy" or "girl, when are you gonna dump this clown?" and not instead assume your role as the 'ride or die fool' determined to make a square peg fit a round hole. Noone wants to be the Lenny Williams in their relationship. Cut to you singing, "..and then I watched television until television went off…Oh Oh Oh Oh…. " I think you would agree that's NOT a good look. So my advice to anyone going through it right now, if youre feeling like its over, it probably is. Cut your lover off as well as your losses and keep it moving. Life is too short to be dealing with some nonsense. Sometimes you gotta know when to say when people…The word for today is "DEUCES!" :o)

Here's to turning the page....

The Measure of a (wo)man

2008-10-09T11:12:00.001-07:00

Webster's dictionary defines growth as...No seriously this isnt one of those kind of blogs :o) but the concept of growth is really on my mind today. Not the kind that implies a physical change but rather an internal /emotional change that hopefully we all experience (or have experienced) by the time we're 'grown'. Im speaking of the kind of growth that is demonstrated when youre able to: admit that youre wrong, confess that you actually dont know the answer to something or can be satisfied with being your true self, unapologetically, despite what others might think or say. THAT is what being grown is all about. Its not about just getting older, but wiser and despite popular belief it has absolutely nothing to do with the number of figures in your bank account, the kind of car you drive, or where you receive your mail. Its the growth of your spirit and your increased wisdom that truly adds value to your life. If you cant look back and honestly say (as Im proud to say I now can), "Dang I cant believe I USED to be that way" about any aspect of your life...its time for some self-reflection...Because either youre just as jaded and immature as you were in your former years...or youre crazy enough to actually belive that youve already grown as much as you need to by this point...which is decidedly worse..Personally Ive had to come to terms with the fact of any of my flaws, one of the most troublesome is that I have MAD attitude..which is a double edged sword..In my best case it says 'im confident and no nonsense' but in my worst it says, 'im feeling insecure right now so to play it safe Im gonna let you have it just in case'...and it took a great level of maturity and yes, growth for me to realize that about myself and try to make some changes. Admittedly Im still a work in progress but hey, acknowledging is half the battle right?? In talking to my friend today I realized that with him in particular I tended to be more combative because I was so focused on him being the way I felt he should be..I lost sight of the fact that he is his own person...who took years to come be, just as I did...so I have to learn to pick my battles with him. But I have to give him credit, he was very open with his communication with me which I appreciate on so many levels. Sometimes the most profound thing we can do as people is communicate..and by that I mean LISTEN as well as talk. That kind of growth comes from a special mix of humility and maturity that Im still trying to master. While we were talking he made a comment about measuring growth the way many parents do with small children: up against the wall with the obvious black line of a Sharpie. That was a particularly profound analogy because it demonstrates how powerful it is to be able to look back and actually see your growth over time. Well I dont have a Sharpie to mark my growth but I can honestly say that I can see how that little girl from Pattonville circa 1995...has come full circle to become a GROWN woman in 2007. Im so glad that I can do that now...Here's to adding another line to the wall..
"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."
Anatole France (1844-1924) French writer.

Adding Insult to Idiocy

2008-10-08T13:15:00.000-07:00

OK ...so I got up this morning and basically what was my front yard just last night...had turned into what I can only describe as a dingy lake flowing down what used to be my street....Imagine the horror I immediately began to feel when I discovered that I was in the midst of a real honest to God flood!!My first instinct was to of course worry ..which quickly gave way to just plain old PANIC when I thought of what i would do should this murky nasty water decide to creep up into my 'just moved in about 9 months ago' house..Thankfully that never happened, as the waters quickly receded once the storm sewers caught up to them..Now comes the ridiculous part...I look out the living room window and see that some moron who decided that it was absolutley imperative that he leave his house despite the now knee deep water, had actually driven across several lawns (mine included I guess, even though he didnt damage my grass) in an attempt to reach the other end of the street where there was less water. Now this wasnt an especially bright idea for three main reasons:
1. barring a life or death emergency there was NO cause for him to have been out driving in the first place;
2. his car was like an 85 Chrysler LeBaron...so not intended for off road, post flood conditions
3. due to the obvious abundance of water IT WAS MUDDY....Imagine this jerk' s surprise when his trip was abruptly cut short and he found himself stuck in about 6 inches of mud smack in the middle of a neighbors front lawn...NICE :oSo to top off the fact that this poor man (who is elderly by the way) has extensive water damage INSIDE his house..now he has to figure out how to address the two ditches created in his front yard by this idiot...because im certain that Clevon (he just looks like that would be his name though I didnt ask) doesnt have the money insurance, or decency to cover the damages...I dont know what to say about my people sometimes *shaking my head*

Some Other Stuff Educated People Like

2008-10-08T13:13:00.000-07:00

Rolling out of bed at 11am takes on new importance with my own nod to SEBPL: Brunch....Thats right educated black folks LOVE going to brunch..Its basically a way to be lazy with a touch a class ...waking up late and having breakfast and lunch combined because you were probably too hung over to wake up any earlier...lol The one thing that 'brunchers' (as we'll call them) love most is the pretentious tone one can take on when someone asks you @ say 2:30 what you did with your morning....It gives the bruncher an opportunity to rub their nose in the fact that while they were eating greasy turkey bacon and eggs on their sofa...you were sipping mimosas on some patio grubbing down on eggs florentine and scones...More importantly you get to feel better than them because they werent invited to brunch...an added plus...lol And of course going to brunch makes it necessary to have 'important' conversations about things such as current events, politics, etc..which also allows one to exhibit the vast knowledge they have on any subject...another great chance to show your superiority...And the main reason why most black folks love going to brunch?? because it used to be something only white folks were able to do.. its a way to claim our rightful place of snootiness and thumb our noses @ them for holding us back for so long....kinda like playing golf..or shopping at Saks :o)So the next time youre feeling extra cultured about yourself....invite a few friends out for brunch...not only will the white folks hate to see you coming, but youll be the envy of all those not seated @ the table with you...lolps>.im totally kidding with this..i love brunch....but its more b/c i hate getting up early than anything else....loltake care yall...

Everything I Ever Needed to Learn...I Learnd from the Cosby Show

2008-10-08T13:11:00.000-07:00

Ok..I admit it..Im a Cosby Show junkie...There is never a time that I pass up the opportunity to relive those golden moments back in the day when Id park myself in front of the TV to watch this family. Though so different from my own, I find that I am still easily engrossed in the nostalgia that comes with watching the life and times of the Huxtable clan.And no matter what the episode, how old it is, I can still quote most of the lines word for word as if I once memorized the script, instead of Vanessa or Denise...Just over the weekend while up late I found myself lounging on the couch watching a few episodes as part of a marathon on TvLand and I had an epiphany of sorts. Though obviously entertaining, funny, and ground breaking in many ways, The Cosby Show taught us all lessons on life, with every weeks episode. It was then that I realized that everything I needed to know about life, I learned from the Cosby Show....For instance:
1. Being a highly-paid black professional does not have to automatically equate to being snobby and detached from others...
2. Being able to laugh at yourself is necessary...you shouldnt take yourself too seriously
3. A real lady can do ALL things with class and sophistication..including put you in your place..
4. Marriage can be a beautiful thing if you understand what its REALLY about...
5. Sometimes you have to love somebody enough to let them make mistakes...and not say "I told you so" when they come to cry on your shoulder...
6. Honesty is always the best policy but sometimes being honest will get you into more trouble than telling a lie...
7. You should never play the alphabet game while drinking bourbon...you'll always lose....
8. Note to brothers: your woman knows you better than you know yourself....trust me..
9. Whatever you do in the dark will inevitably come to light eventually (ie: wearing makeup when youre not supposed to...sneaking off to meet your boyfriend...eating hoagies when you know youre not allowed)
10. Being black really is beautiful....Have a good one people....

Just getting started

2008-10-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

greetings peeps...ok so since i cant get PAID to write anything.....and i cant seem to stop :o) ive decided to create my own online blog separate from any other page that im on currently....That way i dont have to resubmit or repost anything that i do...and all my regular readers (cuz i do have a few) can check in and see what ive been writing whenever they want to....

I dont really have anything to get off my chest @ the moment...but trust me i will soon enough...so check back..add me to your faves...and get ready...cuz the diva is inthe house!!

~DivaRoyale